You will never be able to actually gaze upon your own face. You may of course see a reasonable likeness of it in mirrors, photos, and videos. But the real thing will always be forever visible to everyone else, but not you. I think that's an apt symbol for how hard it is to get a totally objective view of your own soul. No matter how sincere you may be in your efforts to see yourself clearly, there will always be fuzziness, misapprehensions, and ignorance. Having said that, though, I want you to know that the coming weeks will be an excellent time to see yourself better than ever before.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You want hot gold secrets to ripen in your dark candy soul? Then study the ocean's electricity for its teachings about moon victories. Extract a fresh green why from the book of storms you never actually read as a child.

Then, when the lilies' clouds soar over your shadow, your listening will grow tougher and wetter. When the night's chanting sky reveals the birth memories that even time had forgotten, you'll know exactly how to look through the sun to the other side of your best fear.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I've got four related pieces of advice for you, Taurus: 1. The most reliable way for you to beat the system is to build your own more interesting system. 2. The most likely way to beat your competitors is not to fight them, but rather to ignore them and compete only against yourself. 3. To escape the numbing effects of an outworn tradition, you could create a fresh tradition that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning. 4. If you have a problem that is not only impossible to solve but also boring, find yourself a fascinating new problem that will render the old problem irrelevant.

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Robert Anton Wilson defined information as data and ideas that are new to you. If it's something you already know, then it's propaganda or dogma, not information.

Terence McKenna had a similar view. He used the terms "information" and "novelty" interchangeably. If you're not surprised, he said, if your curiosity isn't piqued, then the messages streaming your way don't qualify as information.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Dear Doctor of Love: My heart is itchy. I'm totally serious. I'm not talking about some phantom tingle on the skin of my chest. What I mean is that the prickling sensation originates in the throbbing organ inside of me. Is this even possible? Have you heard of such a crazy thing? Could it be some astrological phenomenon? What should I do? - Itchy-Hearted Gemini." Dear Gemini: I suspect that it's not just you, but many Geminis, who are experiencing symptoms like yours. From what I can tell, you have a lot of trapped feelings in your heart that need to be identified, liberated, and dealt with.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Having ridden my mountain bike through Marin County's hills for years, I've watched the central shrine, Mt. Tamalpais, go through thousands of changes. Depending on the weather, the season, and the time of day, it has been a different event on each occasion I've seen it. When the low-slung sun illuminates the thin layer of mist covering it late on a winter afternoon, it's not the same mountain that lies beneath a full moon beaming down on it through a hole in the streaming clouds on a summer night.

The realist in me says I'd be justified in giving it a new name each time I'm in its presence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you make a conscious decision to combine plaids with stripes or checks with floral patterns or reddish-purples with greenish-oranges, I will wholeheartedly approve. If, on the other hand, you absent-mindedly create combinations like that, doing so because you're oblivious or lazy, I will soundly disapprove. The same holds true about any hodgepodge or hybrid or mishmash you generate, Cancerian: It'll receive cosmic blessings if you do it with flair and purpose, but not if it's the result of being inattentive and careless.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In her book Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes suggests that we all need to periodically go cheerfully and enthusiastically out of our minds. Make sure, she says, that at least one part of you always remains untamed, uncategorizable, and unsubjugated by routine. Be adamant in your determination to stay intimately connected to all that's inexplicable and mysterious about your life.

At the same time, though, Estes believes you need to keep your unusual urges clear and ordered. Discipline your wildness, in other words, and don't let it degenerate into careless disorder.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Should we boycott the writing of Edgar Allan Poe because he married his 13-year-old cousin when he was 26? Should anti-drug crusaders stop using their iPhones when they find out that Steve Jobs said that "doing LSD was one of the two or three most important things I have done in my life"? Should we stop praising the work that Martin Luther King Jr. did to advance civil rights because he engaged in extramarital affairs? Those are the kinds of questions I suspect you'll have to deal with in the coming days, Leo. I encourage you to avoid having knee-jerk reactions.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words," said Terence McKenna in Alien Dreamtime, "and that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish." Here's my version of that hypothesis: What world you end up living in depends at least in part on your use of language.

Do you want to move and breathe amidst infertile chaos where nothing makes sense and no one really loves anyone? Then speak with unconscious carelessness, expressing yourself lazily. Constantly materialize and entertain angry thoughts in the privacy of your own imagination, beaming silent curses out into eternity.

Or would you prefer to live in a realm that's rich with fluid epiphanies and intriguing coincidences and mysterious harmonies? Then be discerning and inventive in how you speak, primed to name the unexpected codes that are always being born right in front of your eyes. Turn your imagination into an ebullient laboratory where the somethings you create out of nothings are tinctured with the secret light you see in your dreams of invisible fire.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Arthur Turner, a Virgo reader from Austin, is upset with my recent horoscopes. In his email, he wrote the following: "You're making me mad with your predictions of non-stop positivity, Brezsny. I need more dirt and grit and muck. I've got to have some misery and decay to motivate me. So just please shut up with your excess projections of good times. They're bringing me down." Here's my response to him and to any other Virgo who feels like him: I'm afraid you're scheduled to endure even more encounters with cosmic benevolence in the coming week. If these blessings feel oppressive, try to change your attitude about them.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Is there really such a thing as free will, or are our destinies shaped by forces beyond our control?

Here's one way to think about that question: Maybe some people actually have more free will than others. Not because they have more money. (Many rich folks are under the spell of their instincts, after all.) Not because they have high-status positions. (A boss may have power over others but little power over himself.)

Rather, those with a lot of free will have earned that privilege by taking strong measures to dissolve the conditioning they absorbed while growing up. They've acted on the advice of psychologist Carl Jung: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The humorous science journal Annals of Improbable Research published a paper entitled "The Effects of Peanut Butter on the Rotation of the Earth." Signed by 198 Ph.D. physicists, it came to this conclusion: "So far as we can determine, peanut butter has no effect on the rotation of the earth." If possible, Libra, I suggest you summon a comparable amount of high-powered expertise for your own purposes. But please make sure that those purposes are weightier than the question of peanut butter's role on our planet's movements. Round up the best help you can, yes; call on all the favors you're owed and be aggressive in seeking out brilliant support; but only for a truly important cause.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In 1971, astronaut Edgar Mitchell was the sixth person to walk on the moon. Since then he has cultivated an interest in matters that hard-core fundamentalist materialists like to call "the paranormal."

He once asked Buddhist lama Norbu Chen to attempt a psychic healing of his mother, who was legally blind. Norbu's magic worked. Mom's sight returned, and she was ecstatic.

A few days later, however, she made a discovery that horrified her: Norbu wasn't a Christian like she was. "My mother believed that if such healing didn't come from a Christian," says Mitchell, "then it must come from Satan, and she didn't want to be healed by Satan."

She soon had a dramatic relapse, completely losing the gift Norbu had bestowed. (Source: Kindred Spirit magazine, Summer 1997)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

September 16 is the first day of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. So begins ten days of repentance. Whether or not you're Jewish, Scorpio, you are entering an astrological phase when taking stock of yourself would be a brilliant move. That's why I invite you to try the following self-inventory, borrowed from the Jewish organization Chadeish Yameinu. 1. What would you like to leave behind from the past 12 months? 2. What has prevented you from living up to your highest standards and being your very best self? 3. What would you love to bring with you into the next 12 months? 4. Who served as a teacher for you in the past year? 5. Were you a teacher for anyone? 6. Is there anyone you need to forgive? 7. How will you go about forgiving?

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The bumper sticker I saw said, "Having abandoned my search for the truth, I'm now looking for a good fantasy." Though it's meant to be sarcastic, it's a useful piece of advice.

Consider this hypothesis: The truth is so complicated and ever-shifting that it's impossible to pin down. Why try to understand the nature of reality when it's more productive and interesting to aggressively create the nature of reality? Why be preoccupied with conjuring up concepts to approximate the structure of the universe when the point is that we change everything we observe merely by looking at it?

As another bumper sticker says, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If I'm accurately interpreting the astrological omens, the coming months will be a soulful feast in which every day will bring you a shimmering revelation about the nature of your soul's code and how best to activate it. Reasons for grateful amazement will flow so freely that you may come to feel that miracles are routine and naturally-occurring phenomena. And get this: In your dreams, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty will get married, win the lottery, and devote their fortune to fostering your spiritual education until you are irrevocably enlightened. (I confess there's a slight chance I'm misinterpreting the signs, and everything I described will be true for only a week or so, not months.)

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Discordianism is one of the rare religions that takes account of Ralph Abraham's assertion that heart physiologists find more chaos in the healthy heart than in the sick heart. Here's a sampling of Discordian tenets. 1. Everyone is a saint, especially you. 2. Meditation consists primarily of cruising around looking for good luck. 3. Eating hot dog buns is prohibited, except on Friday, when it's compulsory. 4. When you're stuck in a rut, you must speak in tongues, handle snakes, and experience phantasmagoria. 5. Your guardian angel loves you better when your room is a mess. 6. Bowling alleys are sacred; you must protect them from ­desecration. 7. The Goddess will solve all your problems if you solve all hers.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A reader named Marissa begged me to insert a secret message into the Capricorn horoscope. She wanted me to influence Jergen, a guy she has a crush on, to open up his eyes and see how great she is. I told her I wouldn't do it. Why? For one thing, I never try to manipulate people into doing things that aren't in alignment with their own desires. For another, I faithfully report on my understanding of the tides of fate, and refuse to just make stuff up. I urge you to have that kind of integrity, Capricorn. I suspect you may soon be invited or coaxed to engage in what amounts to some tainted behavior. Don't do it. Make an extra effort to be incorruptible.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You're a star -- and so am I. I'm a genius -- and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World -- quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play.

In the New World, you don't have to tone down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The far away, the very far, the farthest, I have found only in my own blood," said poet Antonio Porchia. Let's make that thought your keynote, Aquarius. Your assignment will be to search for what's most exotic and unknown, but only in the privacy of your own heart, not out in the great wide world. For now at least, the inner realm is the location of the laboratory where the most useful experiments will unfold. Borrowing from novelist Carole Maso, I leave you with this: "Make love to the remoteness in yourself."

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.

For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.

Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.

When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.

Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.

Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.

Buy seven used gowns worn to the Academy Awards show by famous actresses, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.

Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.

Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

It would be an excellent time for you to elope, even if you do so with the person to whom you're already mated. You might also consider the possibility of wearing a wedding dress everywhere you wander, even if there is no marriage ceremony in your immediate future, and even if you're a man. And if neither of those ideas appeals to you, please at least do something that will symbolize your intention to focus on intimacy with an intensified sense of purpose. Fling rice at yourself. Seek out someone who'll give you lessons in how to listen like an empathetic genius. Compose and recite vows in which you pledge to become an utterly irresistible and reliable ally.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.