Apollo astronaut Russell Schweickart had a vision of loveliness while flying through outer space in his lunar module. "One of the most beautiful sights is a urine dump at sunset," he testified. He said it resembles a "spray of sparklers," as ten million little ice crystals shoot out into the void at high velocity. As you feed your quest for a lusty life, Aries, I urge you to be as quirky and resourceful as Schweickart. Come up with your own definitions about what's gorgeous and revelatory. Take epiphanies any way you can get them.

What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

At the heart of this horoscope is a quote from Maya Angelou. While it may seem schmaltzy, I assure you that its counsel will be essential to your success in the coming weeks. "I've learned that people will forget what you said," said Angelou, "people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Can you see how valuable this principle might be for you, Taurus? If you hope to get what you desire, you should turn your empathy on full blast. If you'd like to supercharge your vitality, hone your skills as a judge of character. If you want to get the love you think you deserve, be a master at making people feel good in your presence.

Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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According to Jewish legend, there are in each generation 36 righteous humans who prevent the rest of us from being destroyed. Through their extraordinary good deeds and their love of the divine spark, they save the world over and over again. They're not famous saints, though. They go about their business anonymously, and no one knows how crucial they are to our well-being.

Might you be one of the 36? As a temporary experiment, act as if you are.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The coming week will be prime time to celebrate your eccentricities and cultivate your idiosyncrasies. Do you like ketchup on your bananas? Is heavy metal the music you can best relax to? Do you have a tendency to break out in raucous laughter when people brag about themselves? I really think you should make note of all the qualities that make you odd or unique, and express those qualities with extra intensity. That may grate on some people, true, but it should have a potent healing effect on you.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Your addiction is obstructing you from your destiny, and yet it's also your ally.

What?! How can both be true?

On the downside, your addiction diverts your energy from a deeper desire that it superficially resembles. For instance, if you're an alcoholic, your urge to get loaded may be an inferior substitute for and a poor imitation of your buried longing to commune with spirit.

On the upside, your addiction is your ally, because it dares you to get strong and smart enough to wrestle free of its grip; it pushes you to summon the uncanny willpower necessary to defeat the darkness within you that saps your ability to follow the path with heart.

(P.S. Don't tell me you have no addictions. Each of us is addicted to some sensation, feeling, thought, or action, if not to an actual substance.)

Extol your sublime, painful addiction -- celebrate it to death. Ride it, spank it, kiss it, whip it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Here are my questions: Will you thrust your foot across that imaginary line, or will you back away from it, scouting around for an escape route? Will you risk causing a commotion in order to scratch the itch in your ambition? Or will you shuffle on back to your comfort zone and caress your perfect daydreams? Personally, Cancerian, I'm hoping you will elect to do what's a bit unsettling. But that doesn't necessarily mean you should. If you make a bold move, make sure you're not angling to please or impress me -- or anyone else, for that matter. Do it as a way to express your respect for yourself -- or don't do it.

How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Attention please. This is your ancestors speaking. We've been trying to reach you through your dreams and fantasies, but you haven't responded. That's why we've commandeered this space. So listen up. We'll make it brief. You're at a crossroads analogous to a dilemma that has baffled your biological line for six generations. We ask you now to master the turning point that none of us have ever figured out how to negotiate. Heal yourself and you heal all of us. We mean that literally. Start brainstorming, please.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When Tchaikovsky wrote the musical score for his famous 1812 Overture, it included 16 cannon shots. Literally. These blasts weren't supposed to be made by, say, a sledgehammer pounded against a wooden mallet, but rather by the detonation of an actual cannon. As crazy as that is, you've got to admire Tchaikovsky's creative gall. He was going way out of the box, calling on a source of sound no other composer had ever done. In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you to be inspired by his example, Leo. In your own chosen field, mess with the rules about how to play in your chosen field.

Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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See how far you can spit a mouthful of beer
Pick blackberries naked in the pouring rain
Scare yourself with how beautiful you are
Stage a slow-motion water balloon fight
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos
Sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
Plunge butcher knives into accordions
Commit a crime that breaks no laws
Sip the tears of someone you love
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"And if nothing is repeated in the same way," says poet Antonio Porchia, "all things are last things." That's a good principle to adapt for your own purposes, Virgo. A few weeks from now, I bet you'll be enmeshed in an orgy of novelty, creating yourself from scratch and exploring experiences you've never heard of before. But in the meantime, as you bring this cycle to a close, be equally inventive about how you finish things off. Don't imitate the approach you used in tying up loose ends in the past. Don't put stale, boring karma to rest in stale, boring ways. Nothing repeated! All things last things!

How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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To create a pearl, an oyster needs an aggravating parasite inside its shell. It builds layers of calcium carbonate around the invader, gradually fabricating the treasure. How long does it take from the initial provocation to the finished product? Five years for a pearl of average size, and as many as 10 years for a big one.

Our questions for you: How many years have you been engaged in the process of transforming your irritant into a masterpiece? How many more years do you think you still have to go?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

All of us feel bad sometimes -- sad, discouraged, helpless, unloved, and all the rest. It's a natural part of being human. Here's the good news: I am not predicting you will go through a phase like that anytime soon. Here's the even better news: The coming week will be an excellent time to come up with effective strategies for what to do in the future when you go through a rough period. For example, instead of wallowing in self-pity or berating yourself for your weakness, maybe you can resolve, next time, to amble aimlessly out in nature, dance to cathartic music for three hours, or go to the gym and smack around a punching bag.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Ariel was going through a hard time. She'd been weaning herself from a painkiller she'd taken while recovering from surgery. Her cat ran away, and there was a misunderstanding at work. One night while at a nightclub with her friend Leila, she spied her ex-boyfriend kissing some woman. Meltdown ensued. Ariel fled the club and ran sobbing into the street, where she hurled her shoes on top of a passing bus.

Leila retrieved her and sat her down on a bench. "Because up until now you've displayed such exemplary grace in the face of chaos," Leila said, "I'm giving you a free Crazy Pass. It gives you a karma-free license to temporarily lose your mind." This compassionate humor helped Ariel feel more composed. The rest of the night she partied with elegant savagery, achieving major relief and release without hurting ­herself.

Now I'm awarding you, too, a free Crazy Pass. How will you use it?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When a domesticated weasel captures some treasure or beats out a competitor for food, it performs a celebratory dance that's referred to as the "weasel war dance." During this triumphant display, it might hiss, arch its back, fluff out its tail, and hop around madly. I encourage you to come up with your own private version of this ritual, Scorpio. It can be more dignified if you like: snapping your fingers, singing a magical phrase, or raising your arms in a V-for-victory gesture. Whatever you choose, do it after every accomplishment, no matter how small: buying groceries, arriving at an appointment on time, getting a good new idea, or any other success.

How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Think about your relationship to human beings who haven't been born yet. What might you create for them to use? How can you make your life a gift to the future? Can you not only help preserve the wonders we live amidst, but actually enhance them? Keep in mind this thought from Lewis Carroll: "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

One out of every four of us is afraid that we have missed our calling -- that we have misread our soul's code and failed to identify the labor of love that would provide our ultimate fuel for living. If you're among this deprived group, I have good news: The next six weeks will be an excellent time to fix the problem -- to leave the niche where you don't belong and go off to create a new power spot. And if you are among the 75 percent of us who are confident you've found your vocation, the next six weeks will be prime time to boost your efforts to a higher level.

Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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For years, I lived 13 miles from the top of Mt. Tamalpais, one of the highest peaks in the San Francisco Bay Area. Every day I gazed at it from afar through my window or while riding my bike in the hills, marveling as it glided through its ever-shifting relationship with the sky and seasons. It was a remote yet familiar beacon, an awe-inspiring touchstone against which I could measure my own undulating rhythms.

Eventually I moved to a new home at the foot of Mt. Tam. I felt as if I'd become part of it -- was embedded in its protective and majestic aura. It was no longer an objective gauge, but rather an intimate tone and texture in my subjective experience of myself.

Risk a comparable shift, from being there to being here; from outside to inside; from strength absorbed at a distance to power felt up close.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You can take this as a metaphor if you like, but I'm getting a psychic impression that you will soon be drawing on the energy of one of your past lives. Will it be a 13th-century Chinese lute player or a kitchen maid from 15th-century France? Will you be high on the vitality you had when you were a Yoruba priest living in West Africa 300 years ago or when you were a 16th-century Guarani herbalist in what's now Paraguay? I invite you to play with fantasies like these, even if you don't believe they're literally true. You might be surprised at the boost you get from imagining yourself alive in a different body and historical era.

Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The Italian mattress company Sogniflex has created a bed with features designed to facilitate love-making. It has straps and handles, plus a trench that helps you get better traction. The extra-strong springs produce an exceptional bouncing action. You might consider buying one for yourself. The astrological omens suggest it's time to play with more intensity in the intimate clinches. You could also try these things: 1. Upgrade your licking and sucking skills. 2. Cultivate your ability to listen receptively. 3. Deepen your sincere appreciation for what's beautiful about anyone you're attracted to. 4. Make yourself even more lovable than you already are.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Devote yourself to your heart's desire with unflagging shrewdness. Make it your top priority. Let no lesser wishes distract you. But consider this, too. You may sabotage even your worthiest yearning if you're maniacal in your pursuit of it.

Bear in mind the attitude described by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves: "All that you are seeking is also seeking you. If you sit still, it will find you. It has been waiting for you a long time."

Speculate on what exactly that would look like in your own life. Describe how your heart's desire has been waiting for you, seeking you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

My $10-an-hour counsel only requires a few seconds to deliver. Here it is: "Never try to be someone you're not. Discover what you were made for, and do it with all of your passionate intensity." On the other hand, Pisces, my $100-a-minute wisdom is more complicated, subtle, and hard to impart in less than an hour of storytelling. Here's a hint of it: There are times when you can get interesting and even brilliant results by experimenting with being something you're not. Going against the flow of your instinctual urges and customary tendencies might tweak you in just the right way -- giving you an exotic grace and wild depth when you ultimately return to the path you were born to tread.

Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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For over two decades, Peter Jouvenal worked as a journalist and cameraman who filmed war-torn hot spots, including Iraq in the Gulf War and Afghanistan during the Soviet invasion. He eventually retired from that gig and bought a restaurant in Kabul. He has few regrets, but one came after the fall of the Taliban in 2001.

While exploring the organization's deserted safe houses, he happened upon a place where Osama bin Laden and his wife had recently lived. Among the items the couple left behind was one of her bras. In retrospect Jouvenal realized he should have pocketed the exotic piece of lingerie; a tabloid newspaper would have paid him a fortune for it. But because he had spent his entire career dealing with more mainstream news media that sought more respectable evidence, the idea didn't even occur to him until much later.

Was there ever a time when you were in such a deep trance, enthralled by your habits and belief system, that you failed to notice a valuable anomaly that popped up? How can you train yourself to be so alert that such a blunder won't happen again?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.