"Let's waltz the rumba," said jazz musician Fats Waller, suggesting the seemingly impossible mix of two very different types of dancing. That's an excellent clue for you to follow up on, Aries. I suspect that in the coming week you will have an unusual aptitude for hybridization. You could do folk dancing and hip-hop moves simultaneously. It will make sense for you to do the cha-cha as you disco and vice versa. You'll have a knack for bringing the spirit of belly dance into the tango, and for breakdancing while you do the hokey-pokey.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Compose and cast a love spell on yourself. There's no need to consult pagan books about how to proceed. It may even be better if you improvise homemade conjurations and incantations.

Be sure to formulate a clear intention of what you want to accomplish with your mojo. Example: "I want to make myself irresistibly lovable." For best results, stand naked in front of an altar crammed with magical objects that symbolize both lust and compassion.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Have you been feeling a warm fuzzy feeling in your money chakra? I hope so. The cosmos recently authorized you to receive a fresh flow of what we might call financial kundalini. Your insight into money matters should be increasing, as well as your ability to attract the information and influences you need to refine your relationship with prosperity. It may even be the case that higher levels of economic luck are operating in your vicinity. I'm not saying you will strike it rich, but you could definitely strike it richer.

How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Bring the spirits of sampling and the mash-up into your relationship life. Sampling is what happens when a musician openly lifts a riff out of an existing song and inserts it into his or her own composition. In a mash-up, a producer takes parts from two different songs to assemble a new song that has elements of both originals but is an entirely new creation.

How might you apply these approaches to your collaborations with intimate allies? For example, you could "sample" a close friend's favorite catchphrases or clothes, and use them as your own. Or tell that person a story from his or her own past, but recount it as if it happened to you. The two of you could write a journal entry together, taking turns spinning out each new line. You might even switch roles for a day, trying out what it actually feels like to be the other person.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Your core meditation this week is Oscar Wilde's belief that disobedience is a primal virtue. Be ingeniously, pragmatically, and cheerfully disobedient, Gemini! Harness your disobedience so that it generates outbreaks of creative transformation that improve your life. For inspiration, read this passage by Robert Anton Wilson: "Every fact of science was once damned. Every invention was considered impossible. Every discovery was a nervous shock to some orthodoxy. Every artistic innovation was denounced as fraud and folly. The entire web of culture and progress, everything on earth that is man-made and not given to us by nature, is the concrete manifestation of someone's refusal to bow to Authority. We would be no more than the first apelike hominids if it were not for the rebellious, the recalcitrant, and the intransigent."

Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Play the game called "Tell me the story of your scars." It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds.

"How did you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk. Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you'd narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart. The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Some people tell me I'd invented the sounds they called soul," said musician Ray Charles, "but I can't take any credit. Soul is just the way black folk sing when they leave themselves alone." I urge you to experiment with this idea, Cancerian. In my astrological opinion, you need to whip up a fresh, hot delivery of raw soul. One of the best ways to do that might be to leave yourself alone. In other words, don't badger yourself. Don't pick your scabs and second-guess your enthusiasms and argue yourself into a knot. Create a nice big space for your original self to play in.

How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
You understand that you can never own love, right? No matter how much someone adores you today, no matter how much you adore someone, you can't force that unique state of grace to keep its shape forever. It will inevitably evolve or mutate, perhaps into a different version of tender caring, but maybe not. From there it will continue to change, into either yet another version of interesting affection, or who knows what else?

Describe how you could get the hang of putting this tricky wisdom into practice.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Where's the most convenient place to discover a new species?" asks The Second Book of General Ignorance. What do you think the answer is, Leo? The Amazon Rainforest? The high mountainous forests of New Guinea? Northwest Siberia? None of the above. In fact, your best chance of finding a previously unidentified life form is in your own garden. There are hundreds of thousands of species that science still has no knowledge of, and quite a few of them are near you. A similar principle currently holds true for your life in general. It will be close to home that you are most likely to connect with fascinating exotica, unknown influences, and far-out adventures.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valery. While there's a grain of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence. Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works.

Give an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "Love is being smart together."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Now and then my readers try to bribe me. "I'll give you $1,000," said a recent email from a Virgo woman, "if you will write a sequence of horoscopes that predict I'll get the dream job I'm aiming for, which will in turn make me so attractive to the guy I'm pursuing that he will beg to worship me." My first impulse was to reply, "That's all you're willing to pay for a prophecy of two events that will supercharge your happiness and change your life?" But in the end, as always, I flatly turned her down. The truth is, I report on the music of the heavenly spheres, but I don't write the music myself. Still, I sort of admire this woman's feisty resolve to manipulate the fates, and I urge you to borrow some of her ferocity in the coming week.

How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"For a relationship to stay alive," writes James Hillman, "love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."

Make this your hypothesis. The next time you sense that you're about to say the same old thing to your closest ally, interrupt yourself and head off in the direction of storyland.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A solar eclipse happens when the moon passes in front of the sun and blocks much of its light from reaching our eyes. On a personal level, the metaphorical equivalent is when something obstructs our ability to see what nourishes us. For example, let's say you're in the habit of enviously comparing your own situation to that of a person you imagine is better off than you. This may blind you to some of your actual blessings, and diminish your ability to take full advantage of your own talents. I bring this up, Libra, because you're in an especially favorable time to detect any way you might be under the spell of an eclipse -- and then take dramatic steps to get out from under it.

Would you like to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Do you want to uncover the secrets you've been hiding even from yourself? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Would you like to make yourself more magnetic to blessings? You could experiment with good luck charms or magic amulets -- objects that you imagine might attract benevolence into your life. How about a replica of Brísingamen, the magical necklace of the Norse goddess Freya? When she wore it, neither man nor god could resist her allure. Or maybe a copy of the thyrsus, a wand wielded by Dionysus, the god of ecstasy? Or the bracelet of meteorite chunks I saw advertised as a luck-bringer in the back of a tabloid?

As fun as things like these might be, I believe there's a superior approach to the art of charging up your mojo. It's embodied by the metaphorical talisman that Tom Waits recommends in his song "Get Behind the Mule": Always keep a diamond in your mind.

Go get one of those diamonds.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Some secrets will dribble out. Other secrets will spill forth. Still others may shoot out and explode like fireworks. You won't be bored by this week's revelations, Scorpio. People's camouflage may be exposed, hidden agendas could be revealed, and not-quite-innocent deceits might be uncovered. So that's the weird news. Here's the good news: If you maintain a high level of integrity and treat the brouhaha as good entertainment, you're likely to capitalize on the uproar. And that's your specialty, right?

Do you wish you could get more clarity about the foggy, ambiguous situations you're dealing with? Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Butterflies, moths, hummingbirds, and bats love to drink the nectar that flowers offer. In return, these pollinators are expected to get some pollen stuck on their bodies and carry it away to fertilize other plants.

While the nectar is tasty, it's usually not pure sweetness. If it were, the first pollinator to come along would suck it all dry, leaving nothing for further visitors. And that wouldn't be good from the plant's point of view, because it would limit the number of places where its pollen would be disseminated.

To keep nectar-drinking sessions short, therefore, most plants include a touch of bitterness in the blend.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you go to a psychotherapist, she may coax you to tell stories about what went wrong in your childhood. Seek a chiropractor's opinion and he might inform you that most of your problems have to do with your spine. Consult a psychic and chances are she will tell you that you messed up in your past lives and need a karmic cleansing. And if you ask me about what you most need to know, I might slip you some advice about how to access your untapped reserves of beauty and intelligence. Here's the moral of the story, Sagittarius: Be discerning as you ask for feedback and mirroring. The information you receive will always be skewed.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Would you like help in solving the riddles that confuse you? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them," wrote novelist Margaret Atwood. "There ought to be as many for love."

Here are a few that the ancient Greeks devised, according to Lindsay Swope in her review of Richard Idemon's book Through the Looking Glass.

Epithemia is the basic need to touch and be touched. Our closest approximation is "horniness," though epithemia is not so much a sexual feeling as a sensual one.

Philia is friendship. It includes the need to admire and respect your friends as a reflection of yourself—like in high school, where you want to hang out with the cool kids because that means you're cool too.

Eros isn't sexual in the way we usually think, but is more about the emotional gratification that comes from merging souls.

Agape is a mature, utterly free expression of love that has no possessiveness. It means wanting the best for another person even if it doesn't advance your self-interest.

Your assignment is to coin three additional new words for love, which means you'll have to discover or create three alternate states of love that have previously been unnamed. To do that, you'll have to put aside your habitual expectations and standard definitions of what constitutes love so that you can explore an array of nuances, including varieties you never imagined existed.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The state of Kansas has a law that seems more confusing than helpful. It says the following: "When two trains approach each other at a crossing, both shall come to a full stop and neither shall start up again until the other has gone." From what I can tell, Capricorn, a similar situation has cropped up in your life. Two parties are in a stalemate, each waiting for the other to make the first move. At this rate, nothing will ever happen. May I suggest that you take the initiative?

Need more help in figuring out the questions life is asking you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
A common obstruction to a vital intimate relationship is what I call the assumption of clairvoyance. You imagine, perhaps unconsciously, that your partner or friend is somehow magically psychic when it comes to you -- so much so that he or she should unfailingly intuit exactly what you need, even if you don't ask for it. This fantasy may seem romantic, but it can sink the most promising alliances.

To counteract any tendencies you might have to indulge in the assumption of clairvoyance, practice stating your desires aloud.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Should you get down on your knees and beg for love and recognition? No! Should you give yourself away without seeking much in return? Don't do that, either. Should you try to please everyone in an attempt to be popular? Definitely not. Should you dilute your truth so as not to cause a ruckus? I hope not. So then what am I suggesting you should do? Ask the following question about every possibility that comes before you: "Will this help me to master myself, deepen my commitment to what I want most, and gain more freedom?"

What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Write the following on a piece of red paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day, [put date here], that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Do you know why flamingos have their distinctive orange-pink color? It's because of the carotene in the shrimp and other food they consume. If they change their diet, their feathers turn dull grey. That's a dramatic example of the adage, "You are what you eat." Let's use it as a prompt to contemplate all the stuff you take into the holy temple of your body, Pisces. Not just the sandwiches and chocolate bars and alcohol, but also the images, sounds, ideas, emotions, and energy you get from other people. Is the cumulative effect of all those things giving you the shape and color and texture you want to have? If not, this would be a good time to adjust your intake.

Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Even if your heart's not exactly shattered at the moment, it has no doubt been so at some time in the past. I invite you to feel a wave of sadness about your suffering, then move on to this possibility: that having a broken heart is one of the best things that can happen to you.

Why? Because it strengthens your humility, which makes you smarter. It demonstrates to you that you have a tremendous capacity for deep feelings -- far more than you're normally aware of. It breaks down defense mechanisms that have desensitized you to the world's secret beauty. It may also inspire you to treat other people's hearts with greater care, making it more likely that you'll be able to create intelligent intimacy in the future.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.