Sad but true: A lot of people seem to be perpetually in a state of wanting what they don't have and not wanting what they actually do have. I'm begging you not to be like that in the coming weeks, Aries. Please? I'll tell you why: More than I've seen in a long time, you will have everything going for you if you want precisely what you do have -- and are not full of longing for what's unavailable. Do you think you can you manage that brilliant trick? If so, you will be amazed by the sublimity of the peace that will settle over you.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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"When you die," says the Koran, "God will call upon you to account for all the permitted pleasures you did not enjoy while on earth." The Talmud offers a similar idea: "A person will be called upon to account, on Judgment Day, for all the permitted pleasures he might have enjoyed but did not." Are there any such pleasures in your life?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Of all the signs of the zodiac, Tauruses are the least likely to be arrogant. Sadly, in a related development, they're also among the most likely to have low self-esteem. But your tribe now has an excellent opportunity to address the latter problem. Current cosmic rhythms are inviting you rather loudly and dramatically to boost your confidence, even at the risk of you careening into the forbidden realm of arrogance. That's why I recommend Taurus musician Trent Reznor as your role model. He has no problem summoning feelings of self-worth. As evidence, here's what he confessed when asked about whether he frequents music social networks: "I don't care what my friends are listening to. Because I'm cooler than they are."

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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The information you seek is available in the library of forbidden knowledge, the damp autumnal loam you dreamed you were buried in, and the song you learned before you were born. When you find that information, you will be able to answer this question: What are the three miracles that are most likely to happen to you?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"If Mark Twain had had Twitter," says humorist Andy Borowitz, "he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn." I think you're facing a comparable choice, Gemini. You can either get a lot of little things done that will serve your short-term aims, or else you can at least partially withdraw from the day-to-day give-and-take so as to devote yourself with more focus to a long-range goal. I'm not here to tell you which way to go; I just want to make sure you know the nature of the decision before you.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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One of my favorite memories is gazing into my daughter Zoe's face just moments after her complicated birth. She had been through a heroic ordeal that scared the hell out of me, and yet she looked calm, beatific, and amused.

"She's part-Buddha and part-elf," I thought to myself as I held her in my arms. Gazing back at me, her shiny face blended two states I had never before witnessed together in anyone, let alone in an infant: elegant compassion and playful serenity. This revelation imprinted me like a blood oath and has informed my life and my work ever since.

Do you have a comparable memory? A time when a key to your destiny was suddenly laid bare? A turning point when you got a gift that has fueled your quest for years? Revisit that breakthrough. Then ask life for another one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You now have a special talent for helping your allies tap into their dormant potentials and latent energy. If you choose to use it, you will also have a knack for snapping lost sheep and fallen angels out of their wasteful trances. There's a third kind of magic you have in abundance right now, Cancerian, and that's the ability to coax concealed truths out of their hiding places. Personally, I'm hopeful that you will make lavish use of these gifts. I should mention, however, that some people may resist you. The transformations you could conceivably set in motion with your superpowers might seem alarming to them. So I suggest that you hang out as much as possible with change-lovers who like the strong medicine you have to offer.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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My old philosophy professor Norman O. Brown would periodically interrupt his lectures, tilt his head upward as if tuning in to the whisper of some heavenly voice, and announce in a puckish tone, "It's time for your irregular reminder: We're already living after the end of the world. No need to fret anymore."

The implication was that the worst had already happened. We had lost much of the cultural riches that had given humans meaning for centuries. All that was going to be taken from us had already been taken.

On the bright side, that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living amidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh.

Working from the hypothesis that you're living after the end of the world, what are you free to do that you weren't able to do before? Who are you free to be?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Publishing a volume of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo," said author Don Marquis, speaking from experience. Something you're considering, Leo, may seem to fit that description, too. It's a project or action or gift that you'd feel good about offering, but you also wonder whether it will generate the same buzz as that rose petal floating down into the Grand Canyon. Here's what I think: To the degree that you shed your attachment to making an impact, you will make the exact impact that matters most. Give yourself without any expectations.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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Many people sincerely think that they will be called before God to account for themselves on Judgment Day. If you yourself have held that belief, you can stop worrying about it. The fact is, according to a survey of over 800 dissident bodhisattvas, urban witch doctors, sacred agents, and undercover geniuses, that you are called before "God" on Judgment Day on a regular basis.

Since you still exist, you have apparently passed every test so far. "God" obviously keeps finding you worthy. You shouldn't get overconfident, of course. But maybe from now on you can assume that although there may be a world of pressure on you, that pressure is natural, merciful, and exactly what you need.

Try this experiment: For seven days, see what it feels like to be secure in your knowledge that you have passed the tests of Judgment Day many, many times.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Comedian Louis CK told a story about his young daughter. She had a fever, and he gave her some Tylenol that was bubble gum flavored. "Ewwww!" she complained. Louis was exasperated. "You can't say 'ewwww,'" he told her. What he meant was that as a white kid in America, she's among the most privileged characters in the world -- certainly far luckier than all the poor children who have no medicine at all, let alone medicine that tastes like candy. I'm going to present a similar argument to you, Virgo. In the large scheme of things, your suffering right now is small. Try to keep your attention on your blessings rather than your discomfort.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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Writing on Salon.com, Scott Rosenberg recalled how in his youth he loved to play the fantasy role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons. "You'd have to choose not one but two 'alignments' for your character," he mused. "Good and evil, of course, but also 'law' and 'chaos.' And among the people I ran with, 'chaotic/good' was the thing to be, because it let you trust other people and still have fun."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I stumbled upon an engineering textbook for undergraduates. There was a section on how to do technical writing, as opposed to the literary kind. It quoted a poem by Edgar Allan Poe: "Helen, thy beauty is to me / Like those Nicean barks of yore / That gently, o'er a perfumed sea, / The weary way-worn wanderer bore / To his own native shore." Then the book gave advice to the student: "To express these ideas in technical writing, we would simply say, 'He thinks Helen is beautiful.'" Don't take shortcuts like that, Libra. For the sake of your emotional health and spiritual integrity, you can't see or treat the world anything like what a technical writer would.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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The water you drink is three billion years old, give or take five million years. The stuff your body is made of is at least 10 billion years old, probably older, and has been as far away as 100,000 light-years from where it is right now. The air you breathe has, in the course of its travels, been literally everywhere on the planet, and has slipped in and out of the lungs of almost every human being who has ever lived.

Would you act differently if you had a visceral sense of how eternal and infinite you are? What unprecedented behavior might you express? Visualize a waking dream in which you remember the water you floated in three billion years ago. Imagine you can see the light that shone on you 100,000 light-years ago.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Are you ready to start playing in earnest with that riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma? Are you looking forward to the rough and tumble fun that will ensue after you leap into the middle of that sucker and start trying to decipher its impossibly interesting meaning? I hope you are primed and eager, Scorpio. I hope you can't wait to try to answer the question that seems to have no answer. Be brave and adventurous, my friend -- and be intent on having a blast.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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"If everything seems under control," said auto racer Mario Andretti, "you're probably not moving fast enough." I second that emotion. It applies to the entire human race, which is swirling through evolutionary tipping points at an accelerating speed. But it's doubly apropos for you spiritual freedom fighters and renegade bodhisattvas, because you're the vanguard shock troops fighting to merge heaven with earth.

For your edification and amusement, we will add three corollaries to Andretti's wisdom: 1. If you're not pretty much always half-confused, most likely you're not thinking deeply enough. 2. If you're not feeling forever amazed, maybe you're not seeing wildly enough. 3. The truth is fluid, slippery, vagrant, scrambled, promiscuous, kaleidoscopic, and outrageously abundant.

How might you go about using these tricks to marinate yourself in a gentle state of ecstasy pretty much all the time?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Lessons could come to you from unforeseen sources and unanticipated directions during the next few weeks, Sagittarius. They will also come in expected forms from all the familiar influences, so the sum total of your learning could be pretty spectacular. To take maximum advantage of the opportunity, just assume that everyone and everything might have useful teachings for you -- even people you usually ignore and situations that have bored you in the past. Act like an eager student who's hungry for knowledge and curious to fill in the gaps in your education.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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Answer, from a reader named Jason R.: "I was like a mole in a suburban backyard. I had just one little path I trod each day: to the compost pile and back. I chewed on orange rinds and leftover cabbage. I was tamed by the comfort of my familiar environment, content to have a narrow vision. But then I was eaten by a hawk, and became part of a wild, free body. Now I perch on the tops of trees and the peaks of roofs. I survey giddy-wide horizons, from the river to the mesa and far beyond. I have a wealth of choices. Where to fly? What to hunt? Who are my allies? My thoughts breathe deep, like the slow explosion of sun on the morning lake."

How would you answer the same question?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person," said British writer Quentin Crisp. If you harbor even a small tendency in that direction, Capricorn, I hope that in the coming days you will make a concentrated effort to talk yourself out of it. In my astrological opinion, this is a critical moment in the long-term evolution of your healthy self-sufficiency. For both your own sake and the sake of the people you love, you must find a way to shrink your urge to make them responsible for your well-being.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you."

Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, how can you fix that?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you go to California's Yosemite National Park this month, you might get the chance to witness a reddish gold waterfall. Here's how: At sunset, gaze up at the sheer east face of the rock formation known as El Capitan. There you will see what seems to be a vertical river of fire, also known as Horsetail Fall. I nominate this marvel to be your inspirational symbol for the coming weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have the power to blend fire and water in novel ways. I encourage you to look at the photo here -- here -- and imprint the image on your mind's eye. It will help unleash the subconscious forces you'll need to pull off your own natural wonder.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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I've written astrological oracles for much of my adult life. An early prototype of my work hatched in my previous incarnation as an 11th-century monastic scribe who made illuminated manuscripts. During my off-hours, I dabbled with planetary divination and created a parchment newsletter that got passed around the monastery.

In a later lifetime as a 16th-century Florentine alchemist, I further refined the form. The invention of the printing press meant my oracles could be seen by a larger audience, and as a result I got more feedback, which in turn helped me improve my service. The horoscopes I create today, then, have been in the making for a thousand years.

What about you? Is there anything you've been working on for many centuries? If your memory of your previous incarnations is fuzzy, make up a good story.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

After singer Amy Winehouse died, actor Russell Brand asked the public and media to scale back their derisive opinions about her struggle with intoxicants. Addiction isn't a romantic affectation or glamorous self-indulgence that people are too lazy to overcome, he said. It's a disease. Would you mock a schizophrenic for his "stupid" propensity for hearing voices? Would you ridicule a victim of multiple sclerosis for not being vigorous? I'm of the opinion that all of us have at least one addiction, although it may not be as disabling as Winehouse's weakness for liquor and narcotics. What's yours, Pisces? Porn? Sugar? Internet? Bad relationships? The coming weeks would be a very good time to seek help in healing it.

If you missed any of the long-term, big-picture horoscopes I wrote for you at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I've bundled them all in one place. Go here to read them. You can also listen to my long-range, in-depth EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES for 2012.

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In his book Cosmos and Psyche, Richard Tarnas says the planets don't emit invisible forces that shape our destinies as if we were puppets. Rather, they are symbols of the unfolding evolutionary pattern. Just as clocks tell time but don't create it, the heavenly bodies show us the big picture but don't cause it.

Quoting Greek philosopher Plotinus, Tarnas writes, "The stars are like letters that inscribe themselves at every moment in the sky. Everything in the world is full of signs. All events are coordinated. All things depend on each other. Everything breathes together."

So it's not just the distant globes whose movements and relationships serve as divinatory clues. If you're sufficiently attuned to the gestalt of creation and pay close enough attention to its unfolding details, you can read the current mood of the universe in the arrangement of red onions in the grocery store bin or the fluttering of sunlight and shadow on the mimosa tree or the scatter of soap suds in your sink after you've finished washing the dishes.

Can you do it? Discern the signature of creation at this or any other perfect moment? Peer into the secret heart of the collective unconscious? Guess what the Goddess is thinking? Hint: You will have to switch on a dormant capacity, transforming your imagination from a mere fantasy-generator into an organ of perception.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.