If it's at all possible, Aries, don't hang around boring people this week. Seek out the company of adventurers who keep you guessing and unruly talkers who incite your imagination and mystery-lovers who are always on the lookout for new learning experiences. For that matter, treat yourself to especially interesting food, perceptions, and sensations. Take new and different routes to familiar hotspots. Even better, find fresh hotspots. Cultivating novelty is your mandate right now. Outgrowing your habits would be wise, fun, and cool. Changing your mind is a luxury you need and deserve.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Build a plush orphanage in Minsk
Feel sorry for a devious lawyer
Rebel against your horoscope
Give yourself another chance
Write your autohagiography
Play games with no rules
Teach animals to dance
Trick your nightmares
Relax and go deeper
Dream like stones
Mock your fears
Drink the sun
Suck gravity
Sing love
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn," wrote the Slovenian American author Louis Adamic. That's true enough. Here's the thing, though: If you manage to get a smooth thorn without any prickles (like on certain hawthorn trees), the only risk is when you're licking the honey close to the sharp end. Otherwise, as your tongue makes its way up the sleek surface of the rest of the thorn, you're fine -- no cuts, no pain. According to my analysis, Taurus, you have just finished your close encounter with the sharp point of a smooth thorn. Now the going will be easier.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Composer Robert Schuman had long dialogues with his imaginary friends, Florestan and Eusebius, who provided valuable ideas for his musical scores. W.S. Merwyn wrote a poem in which he recounted the counsel of his teacher John Berryman: "He suggested I pray to the Muse / get down on my knees and pray / right there in the corner and he/ said he meant it literally."

Conjure up an imaginary friend and have an intimate conversation with him or her.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

On the front of every British passport is an image that includes a chained unicorn standing up on its two hind legs. It's a central feature of the coat of arms of the United Kingdom. I would love to see you do something as wacky as that in the coming week, Gemini -- you know, bring elements of fantasy and myth and imagination into some official setting. It would, I believe, put you in sweet alignment with current cosmic rhythms. (P.S. If you decide to invoke the archetype of the unicorn, unchain it.)

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Take off your mask. You say you're not wearing a mask? But you are. The muscles of your face are so accustomed to displaying your familiar emotions, they've gotten stuck. Raw new emotions are aching to show themselves, but can't dislodge the incumbents.

Start an exercise program. Gaze into the mirror and make hundreds of rubbery faces. Loosen and tone your muscles. Flush those ancient expressions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I've come across two definitions of the slang term "cameling up." One source says it means filling yourself with thirst-quenching liquid before heading out to a hot place on a hot day. A second source says it means stuffing yourself with a giant meal before going out on a binge of drinking alcohol, because it allows you to get drunk more slowly. For your purposes, Cancerian, I'm proposing a third, more metaphorical nuance to "cameling up." Before embarking on a big project to upgrade your self-expression -- quite possibly heroic and courageous -- I suggest you camel up by soaking in an abundance of love and support from people whose nurturing you savor.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Nineteenth-century English poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti wrote a series of sensual sonnets inspired by his relationship with his wife Elizabeth. Before he could publish them, Elizabeth died. He was so distraught he placed the only copy of his manuscript in the grave with her. Years later, though, he decided the love poems were too good to consign forever to the oblivion of the dirt. He had the coffin disinterred and recovered his work.

Draw inspiration from Rosetti's change of heart. Reclaim riches you once abandoned or left for dead.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I love Adele's voice. The mega-famous British pop singer has a moving, virtuoso instrument -- technically perfect, intriguingly soulful, capable of expressing a range of deep emotion, strong in both her high and low registers. And yet there's not a single song she does that I find interesting. The lyrics are cliched or immature, the melodies are mostly uninspired, and the arrangements are standard fare. Does what I'm describing remind you of anything in your own life, Leo? A situation you half-love and are half-bored by? An experience that is so good in some ways and so blah in other ways? If so, what can you do about it? You may be able to improve things if you act soon.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows," said Morihei Ueshiba, founder of the martial art of aikido, "you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you."

Make that your hypothesis. Proceed according to the theory that you can feed your strength and power and freedom by accepting other people just the way they are. Assume that one of the surest ways to be happy and successful is to refrain from judging anyone.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There's a good chance that you will soon find something you lost a while back. It may even be the case that you will recover an asset you squandered or you'll revive a dream that was left for dead. To what do you owe the pleasure of this blessing? Here's what I think: The universe is rewarding you for the good work you've done lately on taking better care of what's important to you. You're going to be shown how much grace is available when you live your life in rapt alignment with your deepest, truest values.

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Thomas Paine was a zealous revolutionary. He wrote incendiary pamphlets that helped ignite and sustain America's struggle for independence from Great Britain in the 18th century.

Early in his life, however, he worked making women's girdles, which are among the most constrictive and oppressive garments in the history of the world. Was there a connection between his two gigs? Maybe his later struggle for liberation was an unconscious atonement for his youthful labors.

Instigate a Thomas Paine-like boomerang. Think of something you did in the past that constricted your spirit or squeezed other people's possibilities. Use that memory as a launching pad as you unleash a brilliant stroke in the name of abundance and expansiveness.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Chris Richards wrote a story in the Washington Post in which he complained about the surplus of unimaginative band names. At this year's SXSW music festival in Austin, he counted six different bands that used "Bear" and two with "Panda." Seven bands had "Gold," including Golden Bear. Marshmallow Ghosts was one of seven bands with "Ghost" in their names. You're in a phase of your life when it's especially important not to be a slave of the trends, Libra -- a time when it's crucial to your well-being to come up with original language, unique descriptions, and fresh approaches. So what would your band's name be?

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Growing up in Montreal, musician Rufus Wainwright was steeped in the mystique of that city's legendary songwriter Leonard Cohen. Although too feisty a spirit to engage in idol-worship, Wainwright was at least slightly in awe.

As a young adult, he finally got to meet Cohen, whose daughter brought him to the great man's family home. When Wainwright walked into the kitchen, Cohen was in his underwear cooking up tiny sausages, which he was chewing, regurgitating, and feeding to a weak baby bird he had found and was trying to revive. (Source: the film I'm Your Man)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You've got to cry one more tear before the pungent comedy will deliver its ultimate lesson and leave you in peace. You've got to make one further promise to yourself before you will be released from the twilight area where pain and pleasure became so tangled. You've got to navigate your way through one more small surrender before you will be cleared to hunt down your rebirth in earnest. But meanwhile, the catharses and epiphanies just keep on erupting. You're growing more soulful and less subject to people's delusions by the minute. Your rather unconventional attempts at healing are working -- maybe not as rapidly as you'd like, but still, they are working.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Computer programmer Garry Hamilton articulated the following "Game Rules." Give examples of how they have worked in your life.

1. If the game is rigged so you can't win, find another game or invent your own.
2. If you're not winning because you don't know the rules, learn the rules.
3. If you know the rules but aren't willing to follow them, there's either something wrong with the game or you need to change something in yourself.
4. Don't play the game in a half-baked way. Either get all the way in or all the way out.
5. It shouldn't be necessary for others to lose in order for you to win. If others have to lose, re-evaluate the game's goals.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Most people who profess a deep love of the Bible have never actually read the book," says religious writer Rami Shapiro. If they did, they'd know that Satan is not implicated as the tempter of Adam and Eve. There's no mention of three wise men coming to see baby Jesus, nor of a whale swallowing Jonah. Homilies like "This too shall pass" and "God helps those who help themselves" never appear in the scriptures. And contrary to the Ayn Rand-style self-reliance that evangelicals think is a central theme of their holy book, the Bible's predominant message is that goodness is measured by what one does for others. I bring this up as a teaching about how not to proceed in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. You really do need to know a lot about the texts and ideas and people and situations upon which you base your life. ()

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When he's in his prime, a male panda performs an average of eight handstands a day. There's no apparent evolutionary purpose in this stunt. Maybe he does it because it feels good.

Make him your role model. Identify three activities you can do not because they're "good for you" or because they'll advance some goal you're pursuing, but simply for the sheer fun of it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence." So says the Gertrude Stein character in Woody Allen's film Midnight in Paris. As an aspiring master of crafty optimism myself, I don't buy the notion that existence is inherently empty. I do, however, wish that more artists would be motivated by the desire to create cures for the collective malaise that has haunted every historical era, including ours. In alignment with your current astrological omens, I invite you to take up this noble task yourself in the coming weeks, whether or not you're an artist. You now have much more than your usual power to inspire and animate others.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Charles Darwin said the "survival of the fittest" is a central factor in the process of evolution. What exactly did he mean by that? He makes it clear in his book The Origin of Species: "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change."

According to Darwin's definition, what would you have to do to make yourself superbly fit?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The world-famous whiskey known as Jack Daniel's is produced in Moore County, Tennessee, which prohibits the sale of alcohol in stores and restaurants. So you can't get a drink of the stuff in the place where it's made. I suspect there's a comparable situation going on in your life, Aquarius. Maybe something you're good at isn't appreciated by those around you. Maybe a message you're broadcasting or a gift you're offering gets more attention at a distance than it does up close. Is there anything you can do about that? The coming weeks would be a good time to try.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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During a trip to Europe, New York poet Stephen Ben Israel performed Re-Blessing Ceremonies in venerable cathedrals and synagogues. His primary sacramental act was to smoke a joint and invoke a visceral awareness of the Divine Intelligence. In so doing, he aspired to reanimate those sterile sanctuaries, where over the years so many worshipers have brought only their inert concepts and habit-encrusted beliefs.

Carry out your own version of a Re-Blessing Ceremony in a once-sacred place that has lost its juice.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Once you drive your car into Norway's Laerdal Tunnel, you're in for a long haul through the murk. The light at the end doesn't start appearing until you've traveled almost 14 miles. Using this as a metaphor for your life in the here and now, I estimate that you're at about the 12-mile mark. Keep the faith, Pisces. It's a straight shot from here. Can you think of any cheerful tunes you could sing at the top of your lungs?

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Qabalist teacher Ann Davies told a story about a U.S. Army general negotiating with a cannibal chief in New Guinea during World War II. The general wanted the chief to rally his tribe to help American troops fight the Japanese. The chief refused, calling the Americans immoral. The general was shocked. "We are not immoral!" he protested. "The Japanese are immoral!" The cannibal chief replied, "The Japanese and Americans are equally immoral. You both kill far more people than you can eat."

Using this tale as your impetus, describe how parts of your moral code may not be rooted in an absolute standard of what's good and evil, but rather bound by the idiosyncrasies of your culture and historical era.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.