Strange but true: To pave the way for your next liberation, you will have to impose some creative limitation on yourself. In other words, there's some trivial extravagance or unproductive excess in your current rhythm that is suppressing an interesting form of freedom. As soon as you cut away the faux "luxury" that is holding you back, all of life will conspire to give you a growth spurt.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Where exactly is Hell in relation to Heaven, anyway? Is it the equivalent of a billion light-years away? Or are they located within shouting distance of each other? Lots of ancient religious texts suggest the latter. Yalkut Koheleth, a Jewish commentary on the Biblical book Ecclesiastes, claimed the two domains were just "a hand-breadth apart." In Greek myth, the blessed Elysian Fields were situated right next door to Hades. "The doors to heaven and hell are adjacent and identical," wrote Nikos Kazantzakis, "both green, both beautiful."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Using two tons of colorful breakfast cereal, high school students in Smithfield, Utah helped their art teacher create a gymnasium-sized replica of Vincent van Gogh's painting "Starry Night." After admiring it for a few days, they dismantled the objet d'art and donated it as food to a farm full of pigs. You might benefit from trying a comparable project in the coming days, Taurus. What common everyday things could you use in novel ways to brighten up your personal palette? What humdrum part of your routine could you invigorate through the power of creative nonsense? It's high time to try some experiments in play therapy.

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The alchemists said the magic formula for enlightenment was Visita Inferiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem, or "Seek out the lower reaches of the earth, perfect them, and you will find the hidden stone" -- the treasured philosopher's stone. Jungian psychologists might describe the process this way: Engage in a relationship with the blind and sickly parts of yourself, perfect them, and you will awaken your hidden divinity.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The energy you use to read this sentence is powered, ultimately, by sunlight," says science writer K.C. Cole, "perhaps first soaked up by some grass that got digested by a cow before it turned into the milk that made the cheese that topped the pizza. But sunlight, just the same." That's a good seed thought to meditate on during the current phase of your astrological cycle. In the coming weeks, you will thrive by gleefully remembering your origins, by exuberantly honoring the depths that sustain you, and by reverently returning to the source for a nice, long drink of magic.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology." So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil. Note well that he used the adjective "joyous" to describe distrust, not "cynical" or "grumbling" or "sour." The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Speaking about her character Harry on the TV show Harry's Law, Cancerian actress Kathy Bates said, "Harry is her own woman. She isn't going to take guff from anybody. I'm very much like her. I try to be diplomatic, but sometimes pterodactyls fly out of my mouth." I wouldn't always advise you to follow Bates' lead, Cancerian, but in the coming week I do: Be as tactful and sensitive as possible, but don't be shy about naming the difficult truths or revealing the hidden agendas. Pterodactyls may need to take wing.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You know about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who discovered the conditioned reflex. In his famous experiment, he trained laboratory dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell.

You may not have heard, though, about the story's surprise ending. The dogs were programmed for weeks with such rigor that their behavior became as predictable as machines. Then one day a flood inundated the lab. In the confusion, the dogs forgot all their training instantly. (Source: Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life)
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant's point of view," said gardener H. Fred Ale. I urge you to experiment with a similar approach in your own chosen field, Leo. Conjure up more empathy than you ever have before in your life. Use your imagination to put yourself in the place of whomever or whatever it is you hope to nurture and commune with and influence. And be perfectly willing to make productive errors as you engage in this extravagant immersion.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Imagine that the whole world belongs to you. The birch trees in New Hampshire's White Mountains are yours, and so are the cirrus clouds in the western sky at dusk and the black sand on the beaches of Hawaii's Big Island. You own everything, my dear sovereign -- the paintings in all the museums of the world, as well as the Internet and the wild horses and the eight-lane highways.

Please take good care of it all, OK? Be an enlightened monarch who treats your domain with reverent responsibility. And make sure you also enjoy the full measure of fun that comes with such mastery. Glide through life as if all of creation is yearning to honor and entertain you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Avant-garde author Gertrude Stein was renowned for her enigmatic word play and cryptic intuitions, which brought great pleasure to her long-time companion Alice B. Toklas. "This has been a most wonderful evening," Alice once remarked after an especially zesty night of socializing. "Gertrude has said things tonight it'll take her 10 years to understand." I expect that something similar could be said about you in the coming week, Virgo. It's as if you'll be glimpsing possibilities that won't fully ripen for a while; as if you'll be stumbling upon prophecies that will take months, maybe even years, to unveil their complete meaning.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Even if you don't call yourself an artist, you have the potential to be a dynamic creator who is always hatching new plans, coming up with fresh ideas, and shifting your approach to everything you do as you adjust to life's ceaseless invitation to change.

It's to this part of you -- the restless, inventive spirit -- that I address the following: Unleash yourself! Don't be satisfied with the world the way it is; don't sit back passively and blankly complain about the dead weight of the mediocre status quo. Instead, call on your curiosity and charisma and expressiveness and lust for life as you tinker with and rebuild everything you see so that it's in greater harmony with the laws of love and more hospitable to your soul's code.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I periodically perform a public ritual called Unhappy Hour. During this focused binge of emotional cleansing, participants unburden themselves of their pent-up sadness, disappointment, frustration, and shame. They may choose to mutter loud complaints or howl with histrionic misery or even sob uncontrollably. At the end of the ceremony, they celebrate the relief they feel at having freely released so much psychic congestion, and they go back out into the world feeling refreshed. Many people find that by engaging in this purge, they are better able to conjure up positive emotional states in the days and weeks that follow. It's a perfect time for you to carry out your own Unhappy Hour, Libra. For inspiration, listen to my version.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The ancient Greek word klimax had several meanings. Here's the Beauty and Truth Lab's favorite definition: a ladder to heaven by which a dreamer's soul ascends to have an erotic tryst with a divine being who imparts fascinating secrets. Before you go to bed on the next five nights, tell your subconscious mind that you want to get yourself a klimax like that.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Age of Mythology" is a computer game that invites participants to strategically build up their own civilization and conquer others. There are of course many "cheats" that help you to bend the rules in your favor. For instance, the "Wrath of the Gods" cheat gives you the god-like powers of lightning storms, earthquakes, meteors, and tornadoes. With "Goatunheim," you can turn your enemies into goats, and "Channel Surfing" allows you to move your armies over water. But the cheat I would recommend for you right now, whether you're playing "Age of Mythology" or the game of your own life, would be Wuv Woo, a flying purple hippopotamus that blows rainbows out its back end and blasts lovey-dovey hearts from its mouth. (P.S. Using it will make other good cheats easier to access.)

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In the Beauty and Truth Lab parlance, "Uber-Fun" (always capitalized) refers to righteous delight that inspires you to shed limiting beliefs, thereby making you trickier, smarter, kinder, and wilder. Go out and have some Uber-Fun.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Of all the tribes of the zodiac, Sagittarius is most skilled at not trying too hard. That isn't to say that you're lazy or lax. What I mean is that when it's time for you to up the ante and push toward your goal with more force and determination, you know how to cultivate a sense of spaciousness. You've got an innate knack for maintaining at least a touch of cool while immersed in the heat of the struggle. Even when the going gets tough, you can find oases of rejuvenating ease. In the coming week, I suggest you make an extra effort to draw on these capacities. You will need them more than usual.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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ARGUMENTS WITH GOD is the only organization on the planet that specializes in the art of debating with the Creator. Our trained Prayer Warriors are standing by, ready to deliver the protests and complaints that you want to convey. Send your mad, rebellious, poignant appeals to uaregod@comcast.net, and we will relay them directly to the Cosmic Trickster with persuasive eloquence. Write your first draft.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Wild mountain goats in northern Italy have been photographed moseying their way up and across the near-vertical wall of the Cingino Dam. (Go here and scroll down seven rows to see photos.) It looks impossible. How can they outmaneuver the downward drag of gravity, let alone maintain a relaxed demeanor while doing it? They are apparently motivated to perform this feat because they enjoy licking the salty minerals that coat the face of the dam. I foresee you having a comparable power in the coming weeks, Capricorn. Rarely have you been able to summon so much of your mountain goat-like power to master seemingly unclimbable heights.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The Mystic Chaos Wizard Helper says: Close one eye. Tap your forehead twice with your left palm. Think of a memory in which you found something you'd lost. Lick your lips and murmur the words "Love Whisperer." Insert your middle finger in the "Delight-O-Meter" slot. Keep your finger there until the "Passion Lamp" turns on. Flash. Flash. Flash. Thank you. Now write the first thing that comes into your heart's mind.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Phrygia was an ancient kingdom in what is now Turkey. In its capital city was the Gordian Knot, a revered icon that symbolized the power of its ruler. According to legend, an oracle predicted that whoever would be able to untie this intricate knot would become the king of all Asia. Early in his military career, Alexander (who would later be called Alexander the Great) visited the capital and attempted to untie the Gordian Knot. He was unsuccessful, but then changed his tack. Whipping out his sword, he easily sliced through the gnarled weave. Some regarded this as the fulfillment of the prophecy, and Alexander did in fact go on to create a vast empire. Others say that he cheated -- didn't really do what the oracle had specified. And the truth is, his empire fell apart quickly. The moral of the story, as far as you're concerned, Aquarius: Untie the knot, don't cut through it.

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Naturalist John Burroughs may have been addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"If you don't become the ocean, you'll be seasick every day," sings Leonard Cohen in his song "Good Advice for Someone Like Me." I think you already know that, Pisces. Of all the signs of the zodiac, you're the top expert in simulating the look and feel of an ocean. But even experts sometime need tune-ups; even professionals always have more to learn about their specialty. And I think this is one of those times when you will benefit from upgrading your skills. If your intentions are pure and your methods crafty, you just may reach a new level of brilliance in the art of living oceanically.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You're hereby invited to join the Clandestine Indigenous Revolutionary Committee Devoted to the Ingenious Liberation of All Sentient Beings. To signify your desire to sign up, simply perform an act of crafty compassion that reduces someone's suffering.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.