I predict that in the coming weeks, you will be able to extract an unexpected perk or benefit from one of your less glamorous responsibilities. I also predict that you will decide not to ram headfirst into an obstacle and try to batter it until it crumbles. Instead, you'll dream up a roundabout approach that will turn out to be more effective at eliminating the obstacle. Finally, I predict that these departures from habit will show you precious secrets about how to escape more of your own negative conditioning in the future.

Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Improvise a fresh bedtime story for someone you love. Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible. Watch TV with your third eye.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Dear Astrologer: My life is stagnant and slow. It suffers bone-deep from a lack of changes, good or bad or in between. Why has my karma been deprived of all motion? Why must I go on frozen in such eerie peace and quiet? I seek your help. Can you cast a spell for me so that I will be happily disrupted and agitated? Will you predict my sorry state of stillness to be ended soon? Arvind Agnimuka, Taurus from Darjeeling." Dear Arvind: Funny you should ask. According to my analysis, members of the Taurus tribe are about to be roused out of their plodding rhythm by a bolt of cosmic mojo. Get ready to rumble -- and I mean that in the best sense of the word.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I found this unusual classified ad in a small California newspaper. "Wanted: Someone to travel backwards in time with me. This is not a joke. You must be unafraid to see the person you used to be, and you've got to keep a wide-open mind about the past -- I mean more wide-open than you have ever been able to. I have made this trip twice before, and I don't expect any danger, but there may be a bit of a mess. Please bring your own 'cleaning implements,' if you know what I mean." As crazy as it sounds, Gemini, I'm thinking you'd be the right person for this gig. The astrological omens suggest you'll be doing something similar to it anyway.

Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you. For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery. Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Of your five senses, which is the most underdeveloped? If you're a typical Westerner, it's your sense of smell. You just don't use it with the same level of acuity and interest you have when you're seeing, hearing, tasting, and touching. You may speak excitedly about an image you saw or song you heard or food you ate or massage you experienced -- what they were like, how they made you feel -- but you rarely do that with odors. You easily tolerate an ugly building or loud traffic noise or mediocre food or itchy fabric, and yet you feel a deep aversion to an unappealing smell. Having said that, I want you to know it's an excellent time to upgrade your olfactory involvement with the world. You'd benefit greatly from the emotional enrichment that would come from cultivating a more conscious relationship with aromas.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage. Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall. Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Enlightenment is simply this," said the Zen master. "When I walk, I walk. When I eat, I eat. When I sleep, I sleep." If that's true, Leo, you now have an excellent chance to achieve at least temporary enlightenment. The universe is virtually conspiring to maneuver you into situations where you can be utterly united with whatever you are doing in the present moment. You'll be less tempted than usual to let your mind wander away from the experience at hand, but will instead relish the opportunity to commit yourself completely to the scene that's right in front of you.

No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river. Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times. Imagine you have a guardian angel who looks like Ellen Degeneres.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In August 2009, 120 scientists and their helpers staged a BioBlitz in Yellowstone National Park. Their goal was to find as many new species as they could in one day. To their surprise and delight, they located more than 1,200, including beetles, worms, lichens, and fungi that had never before been identified. An equally fertile phase of discovery could very well be imminent for you, Virgo. All you have to do is make that your intention, then become super extra double-wildly receptive.

Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day. Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Two dangers threaten the universe: order and disorder," said poet Paul Valery. I think that's especially true for you right now, although the "danger" in question is psychological in nature, not physical, and it's a relatively manageable hazard that you shouldn't stay up all night worrying about. Still, the looming challenge to your poise is something that requires you to activate your deeper intelligence. You really do need to figure out how to weave a middle way between the extremes of seeking too much order and allowing too much disorder. What would Goldilocks do?

I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs. Think of the last place on Earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there. Say these words and see how they feel: "Ever since I learned to see three sides to every story, I'm finding much better stories."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

eaders of Reddit.com were asked to describe their lives in just six words. It would be a good time for you to try this exercise. You've reached a juncture in your unfolding destiny when you could benefit from a review that pithily sums up where you've been up until now, and where you've got to go next. To inspire your work, here are some of the most interesting from Reddit: 1. Early opportunities wasted, now attempting redemption. 2. Searching tirelessly for that one thing. 3. Living my dream requires modifying dream. 4. Must not turn into my mom. 5. Insane ambition meets debilitating self-doubt. 6. Do you want to have sex? 7. Slowly getting the hang of it. 8. These pretzels are making me thirsty.

For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues. Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Go where the drama is, Sagittarius, but not where the melodrama is. Place yourself in the path of the most interesting power, but don't get distracted by displays of power that are dehumanizing or narcissistic. You are in a phase of your astrological cycle when you have a mandate to intensify your excitement with life and increase your ability to be deeply engaged with what attracts you. I urge you to be as brave as you once were when you conquered a big fear and to be as curious as you were when you discovered a big secret about who you are. For extra credit, be highly demonstrative in your expression of what you care about.

Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose," wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Take which you please; you can never have both." Give an example from your own life that refutes or proves Emerson's assertion.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In his older years, after steadfastly cultivating his vices with the care of a connoisseur, the agnostic actor W. C. Fields was caught reading the Bible by an old friend. Questioned at this departure from his usual behavior, Fields said he was "looking for loopholes." I suspect a comparable shift may be in the offing for you, Capricorn. In your case, you may be drawn to a source you've perpetually ignored or dismissed, or suddenly interested in a subject you've long considered to be irrelevant. I say, good for you. It's an excellent time to practice opening your mind in any number of ways.

What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Brag about what you can't do and don't have. Bow down to the greatest mystery you know. Scare yourself with how beautiful you are.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I watched a Youtube video that showed eight people competing in a weird marathon. They ran two miles, ate 12 doughnuts, then ran another two miles. I hope you don't try anything remotely similar to that, Aquarius. If you're in the mood for outlandish feats and exotic adventures (which I suspect you might be), I suggest you try something more life-enhancing, like making love for an hour, eating an organic gourmet feast, then making love for another hour. It's a good time for you to be wild, maybe even extreme, about getting the healing you need.

Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos. Sip the tears of someone you love. Rebel against your horoscope. Play games with no rules. Mock your fears.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the out-of-print book In Portugal, A.F.G. Bell defines the Portuguese word saudade as follows: "a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness, but an indolent dreaming wistfulness." In my astrological opinion, Pisces, it is imperative that you banish as much saudade from your system as you can. If you want, you can bring it back again later, but for now, you need to clarify and refine your desires for things that are actually possible. And that requires you to purge the delusional ones.

To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Teach an animal to dance. Hire a puppet troupe to reenact your life story using marionettes in Renaissance costumes. Make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.