I dreamed you were in a cake store. Every delicious kind of cake you could imagine was there: carrot cake, strawberry cheesecake, gooey butter cake, rich chocolate cake with four layers of cherries and whipped cream, birthday cakes that must have been baked in paradise. Sadly, there was a problem: You weren't allowed to buy anything, even though you had enough money. A big sign on the wall said, simply, "Absolutely no cakes available for Aries." What do you think my dream means? More importantly, what are you going to do about the situation? I suggest that in my next dream, you get a friend to buy a cake for you. Either that, or go to a different cake store. One way or another, the astrological omens say it's high time for you get the cake you want.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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In order to live, you've got to be a demolisher. You take plants and animals that were once alive and rip them apart with your teeth, then disintegrate them in your digestive system.

Your body is literally on fire inside, burning up the oxygen you suck into your lungs.

You didn't actually cut down the trees used to make your house and furniture, but you colluded with their demise.

Then there's the psychological liquidation you've done: killing off old beliefs you've outgrown, for instance.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty -- just pointing out that you have a lot of experience with positive expressions of destruction.

Can you think of other forms this magic takes? As an aspiring master of pronoia, it's one of your specialties -- a talent you have a duty to wield with energetic grace.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Fill in the blanks, Taurus. Don't let the blanks remain vacant and barren any longer. Don't allow them to keep screaming at you with their accusatory silence. Just fill in the freaking blanks with whatever you've got to fill them with -- with your best guesses, with borrowed mojo, with any miscellaneous material you have at hand. I realize you may be tempted to wait around for a supposedly more ideal moment. But I'm here to tell you that this is as ideal as it gets. So please express the hell out of yourself in the empty spaces, my dear; create yourself anew in the void -- however improvisational or inexact it might feel.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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In her role as DJ Debi Newberry in the film Grosse Pointe Blank, Minnie Driver defines the term shakabuku as a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. That's the kind of jolt you're more likely to get if you've been avoiding the entreaties of your shadow.

But if you send your shadow flowers on special occasions, or periodically give it license to blubber its horrible secrets while sobbing on your lap, it might be more inclined to deliver a whoopibuku, which is a soft spiritual stomp on the toes that inspires you to make a course correction.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Do you know how to resolve an unresolvable paradox?" asked a Facebook friend named Pi. He answered his own question: "You figure out the 'error' in the initial premise or assumption." And that's my prescription for you this week, Gemini. Do not be tempted to bang your head against the wall so as to shake loose a non-existent answer to the wrong question. Instead, stop yourself in the middle of your angst and think: "What would be a more productive way to formulate the riddle I need to untangle?"

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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It's a great privilege to live in a free country. You're fortunate if you have the opportunity to pursue your dreams without having to ward off government interference or corporate brainwashing or religious fanaticism.

But that's only partly useful if you have not yet won the most important struggle for liberation, which is the freedom from your own unconscious obsessions and conditioned responses. Becoming an independent agent who's not an unwitting slave to his or her shadow is one of the most heroic feats a human being can accomplish.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

An innovative job-seeker named Travis Broyles put an ad on Craigslist in Atlanta. Among the tasks he said he would perform for money were the following: draw your face on a balloon; email you a list of 250 things he likes about you; build you a cardboard car and make vroom-vroom sounds while you drive it; change his political leanings; rename your Pokemon; or provide you with star treatment for a month, hiding in the bushes like a paparazzi and taking candid photos of you. I recommend that you come up with your own version of a list like this, Cancerian. It will help stimulate your imagination about what gifts you have to offer the world, which is exactly what the astrological omens are suggesting.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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So for example, when cabbages are planted in the midst of clover, flies lay eggs on only seven percent of them, compared to a 36 percent infestation rate on cabbages that are grown in bare soil with no clover nearby.

This could be a useful metaphor in working with your own versions of impurities and interlopers. Make sure there are always a few chickweed or henbit weeds surrounding your ripening tomatoes.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

As I ponder your immediate future, I'm reminded of a scene from the animated TV show The Simpsons. Here's the situation: While visiting the home of a colleague, the superintendent of schools is surprised to witness an anomalous outbreak of spectacular light. "Aurora Borealis?" he exclaims. "At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?" "Yes," replies the colleague. I suspect that you will soon enjoy a metaphorically comparable visitation, Leo.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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In the New Earth, it won't be your material wealth that will win you the most bragging points. Nor will it be the important people you know or the deals you've swung or the knowledge you've amassed or your mate's attractiveness.

What will bring you most prestige and praise in the civilization to come will be your success in transmuting the unripe, ignorant, and shameful aspects of your psyche into golden assets that fuel your power to give blessings to the world.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

My astrological colleague Antero Alli praises the value of anxiety. He says that when you feel that unsettling emotion, it's because you're experiencing more uncertainty than you like to -- and that can be a good thing. It could mean you're about to experience the fertility that comes from wading into the unknown. An outbreak of novelty may be imminent, giving you the chance to welcome interesting surprises into your life. In fact, says Alli, the anxiety that comes from unpredictable mysteries may herald the arrival of an influx of creativity.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Some religious traditions teach the doctrine, "Kill off your longings." In their view, attachment to desire is at the root of human suffering. But the religion of materialism takes the opposite tack, asserting that the meaning of life is to be found in indulging desires. Its creed is, "Feed your cravings like a French foie gras farmer cramming eight pounds of maize down a goose's gullet every day."

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we walk a middle path. We believe there are both degrading desires that enslave you and sacred desires that liberate you. Do you harbor both kinds within yourself? Do you know which are which?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"The I Ching counsels that if we are associating with others who are not our true peers," says astrologer Caroline Casey, "our real allies cannot find us." Please apply this test to yourself, Libra. If, after taking inventory, you find that your circle is largely composed of cohorts and comrades who match your levels of vitality and intelligence, that will be excellent news; it will signal an opportunity to begin working on an upgraded version of your social life that will increase your access to synergy and symbiosis even further. But if your survey reveals that you're hanging out too much with people whose energy doesn't match yours, it will be time for a metamorphosis.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted.

Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There's a lot of graffiti scrawled in a variety of languages on St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City. A fairly recent arrival is a plea, in English, to resuscitate a defunct American TV sitcom. "God, Bring back Arrested Development," the guerrilla prayer reads. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Scorpio, now would be a good time for you to be equally cheeky in promoting one of your pet causes. Consider the possibility of taking your case to a higher authority. To fight for what's right, you may have to make your mark in a place whose sphere of influence is bigger than yours.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Meditation teacher Jack Kornfield espouses an interesting method for dealing with negative and unwanted thoughts. Don't let them possess you, he says, and don't assume you have to act them out. On the other hand, don't struggle mightily to suppress them, either. Instead, try this: Bow to the offending idea. Acknowledge and admire its power. Express your gratitude and respect to it for galvanizing so much of your psychic energy.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Do you stare for hours every day into little screens like those on smart phones, computer monitors, and TVs? If so, I recommend that you tear your gaze away from them more than usual in the coming week. A change in your brain chemistry needs to happen, and one good way to accomplish it will be to feast your eyes on vast panoramas and expansive natural scenes. Doing so will invigorate your thinking about the design and contours of your own destiny, and that would be in sweet alignment with the astrological omens. So catch regular views of the big picture, Sagittarius. Treat clouds and birds and stars as if they were restorative messages from the wide-open future. Gaze lovingly at the big sky.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating. Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A Facebook friend posted a quote by seminal psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud: "Being entirely honest with oneself is a worthwhile exercise." In response, another Facebooker named Dean Robinson disagreed: "Oh, I say let yourself have a little denial, and touch base with reality on a need-to-know basis." Another respondent named Paulie Cerra took that sentiment one step further: "Reality and I have an understanding. I don't mess with it and it doesn't mess with me." Which of those three approaches are you inclined to pursue, Capricorn? In light of the current astrological omens, I suggest you try the first one for at least the next two weeks.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Imagine this scene. You're really thirsty -- so dehydrated that you're feeling faint. Yet here's the weird thing: You're walking along the bank of a wide river that's so clear you could see the bottom if you looked. But you're not looking. In fact, you seem oblivious to the surging force of nature just a few yards away.

Is it invisible to you? Are you so preoccupied with your suffering that you're blind to the very source that would end your suffering?

Up ahead you see a man. As you approach, you realize he's holding a bottle of water. You run to him and beg him to let you drink. He readily agrees. Gratefully, you guzzle the precious liquid, then thank him profusely.

As you walk away, he calls after you, "By the way, there's a lot more water over there," and he points to the river.

Do you hear him? If you hear him, do you believe him? Or do you keep walking, hoping to find another person with another bottle somewhere up ahead?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You really need to tell your stories. It's not just a good idea; it's downright urgent. There's a backlog of unexpressed narratives clogging up your depths. It's like you have become too big of a secret to the world. The unvented pressure is building up, threatening to implode. So please find a graceful way to share the narratives that are smoldering inside you -- with the emphasis on the word "graceful." I don't want your tales to suddenly erupt like a volcano all over everything at the wrong time and place. You need a receptive audience and the proper setting.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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You came into this world as a radiant bundle of exuberant riddles. You slipped into this dimension as a shimmering burst of spiral hallelujahs. You blasted into this realm as a lush explosion of ecstatic gratitude. And it is your birthright to fulfill those promises.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Piscean actor Javier Bardem said this to Parade magazine: "I don't know if I'll get to heaven. I'm a bad boy. Heaven must be nice, but is it too boring? Maybe you can get an apartment there and then go to hell for the weekends." I caution all you other Pisceans against pursuing this line of thought in the coming weeks. You may imagine that you can get away with sneaking away to hell for just a couple of days a week, but I don't share that optimism. My advice is to rack your brains to drum up as much adventure as possible in safety zones and sanctuaries where you know for sure you'll stay healthy and sane.

Seven months ago, I provided several horoscopes that previewed the coming year for you. Would you like to check back with them now? Want to see whether they're relevant to the way your destiny has been evolving these past seven months? You can also still hear my AUDIO PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2011 or a short-term forecast for the coming week. Sign up and/or log in here, then click on "Long-Term Forecast for Second Half of 2011" or "This week (July 19, 2011)."

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Acquiring problems is a fundamental human need. It's as crucial to your well-being as getting food, air, water, sleep, and love. You define yourself -- indeed, you make yourself -- through the puzzling dilemmas you attract and solve. The most creative people on the planet are those who frame the biggest, hardest questions and then gather the resources necessary to find the answers.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.