Free Will Astrology


Horoscopes by Rob Brezsny


Week of June 2nd, 2011

♈ ARIES

(March 21-April 19)
The film The Men Who Stare at Goats tells the story of the U.S. army's efforts to harness psychic powers for military purposes. It's not entirely a work of the imagination. In fact, there's substantial evidence that such a program actually existed. As the movie begins, a caption on the screen informs viewers that "More of this is true than you would believe." I suspect there'll be a comparable situation unfolding in your life in the coming weeks, Aries. As you experience a rather unusual departure from your regularly scheduled reality, fact and fiction may be deeply intertwined. Will you be able to tell them apart?


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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During my years in college, I enjoyed watching the evolution of Richard, a shy geek in my creative writing classes. Long before he penned a single good poem, he was a bohemian art poseur. On his backpack there was a button with the image of rock poet Patti Smith. He often wore a T-shirt bearing a quote from poetry icon Allen Ginsberg, and he was never without his book of Rimbaud poems. Everywhere I went I saw him scribbling ostentatiously in his journal as he chain-smoked clove cigarettes.

To my surprise, Richard's work gradually began to match his persona. By sophomore year he'd spawned some evocative poems, and soon after he graduated, he published a fine chapbook. In his development I witnessed a perfect example of the saying, "You become what you pretend to be."

Your assignment: Decide what you want to become, and start pretending to be that thing. Or else: Be careful what you're unconsciously pretending to be, because you just might become it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♉ TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)
I dreamed you were a member of an indigenous tribe in what Westerners call New Guinea. You had recently begun to show unusual behavior that suggested you were developing enhanced cognitive abilities. You'd solved one of the tribe's long-standing problems, were spontaneously spouting improvised poetry, and had been spotted outside late at night having animated conversations with the stars. Some of your friends and relatives were now referring to you by a new name that in your native tongue meant "the one who dances naked with the deities." How would you interpret my dream, Taurus? I think it suggests you could be on the verge of growing an intriguing new capacity or two.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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In his book Starbucked, Taylor Clark says there's a woman who goes to a Seattle Starbucks every morning and orders a "decaf single grande extra vanilla two-percent extra caramel 185-degrees with whipped cream caramel macchiato."

Maybe her request seems overly fussy and demanding, but it could be a good act for you to mimic. Try this: For a given time, say 12 days, be equally as exacting in asking for what you want. Assume that you have a poetic license to be extremely specific as you go about your quest for fulfillment.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♊ GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)
In the far northern reaches of Ilulissat, a town in Greenland, the sun sets for good on November 29 every year and doesn't rise again until January 13. Or at least that was the case until 2011. This year, to the shock of locals, sunlight broke over the horizon on January 11 -- two days ahead of schedule. Though a few alarmists theorized that this disturbance in the age-old rhythm was due to a shift in the earth's axis or rotation, scientists suggested that the cause was global warming: Melting ice has caused the horizon to sink. I expect something equally monumental to make an appearance in your world soon, Gemini. Can you handle an increased amount of light?


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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"Why, I don't even respect myself, I tell ya," said comedian Rodney Dangerfield. "When I make love, I have to fantasize that I am somebody else!"

Experiment with just the second half of that formulation. While you're making love, fantasize that you're somebody else. But do it because you care deeply about yourself -- so deeply that you want to transcend your customary reactions and expand your identity. Do it because you dare to awaken to previously unknown possibilities of who you might be.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♋ CANCERIAN

(June 21-July 22)
I'm not a big fan of the "No Pain, No Gain" school of thought. Personally, I have drummed up more marvels and wonders through the power of rowdy bliss than I have from hauling thousand-pound burdens across the wasteland. But I do recognize that in my own story as well as in others', hardship can sometimes provoke inspiration. I think it may be one of those moments for you, Cancerian. Please accept this medicinal prod from the ancient Roman poet Horace: "Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant."


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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There was an indignant uproar after revelations in 2006 that James Frey's best-selling "memoir" A Million Little Pieces contains fabrications. He hadn't actually lived all of the experiences he depicted therein.

Hearing about it prompted me to ruminate on whether there's any such thing as a completely accurate account of any person's life. My conclusion: no.

In every autobiography and biography ever written, the author imaginatively strings together selectively chosen details to conjure up artificially coherent narratives rather than depicting the crazy-quilt ambiguity that actually characterizes everyone's journey.

If you and nine writers set out to tell your life story, you'd produce 10 wildly different tales, each rife with subjective interpretation, misplaced emphasis, unintentional distortions, and exorbitant extrapolations from insufficient data.

Celebrate the malleability of reality. Regale listeners with stories about the time you worked as a pirate in the Indian Ocean, or rode the rails through Kansas as a hobo, or gave a down-on-his-luck CIA agent sage advice in an elevator. When you call to get pizza delivered and the clerk who takes your order asks your name, say you're Brad Pitt or Paris Hilton. When someone you're meeting is annoyed because you're late, say you couldn't help it because you were smoking crack in the bus station bathroom with your mom's guru and lost track of time. If asked how much education you have, say you have three PhDs, one each in astrobiology, Russian literature, and whale songs.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♌ LEO

(July 23-August 22)
In his 1934 book Beyond the Mexican Bay, British author Aldous Huxley observed that "the natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies." He was using the word "orgies" in its broadest sense -- not to refer to wild sex parties, but rather to cathartic eruptions of passion, uninhibited indulgence in revelry, and spirited rituals of relief and release. That's the kind of orgy you're due for, Leo. It's high time to punctuate your routine.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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George III was King of England from 1760 to 1820. During the last years of his reign, he gradually became more and more detached from reality, talking to himself for hours on end and addressing trees as if they were people. When he first began losing his mind, his servants and assistants made a conscious decision to help him feel more comfortable by acting eccentric themselves.

Their collusion with George's pathology is an extreme example of a situation that all of us are at risk of. Our associates and loved ones may fall into a rhythm of going along with our odd ideas and bad habits, encouraging us to continue doing what we probably shouldn't do.

Are your allies refraining from busting you or calling your bluff, when they probably should? Bust yourself. Call your own bluff.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♍ VIRGO

(August 23-September 22)
"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do," wrote the essayist Walter Bagehot. Personally, I don't think that's the supreme joy possible to a human being; but it definitely has a provocative appeal. May I recommend that you explore it in the coming weeks, Virgo? The astrological omens suggest you're in an excellent position to succeed at an undertaking you've been told is unlikely or even impossible for you to accomplish.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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If a cow is given a name by her owner, she generates more milk than a cow that's treated as an anonymous member of the herd. That's the conclusion of a study done by researchers at Newcastle University in the UK. "Placing more importance on knowing the individual animals and calling them by name," said Dr. Catherine Douglas, "can significantly increase milk production."

Building on that principle, I suggest that you give everything in your world names, including (but not limited to) houseplants, insects, cars, appliances, and trees. It will help you get more up-close and personal with all of creation, which is an effective way to cultivate pronoia.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♎ LIBRA

(September 23-October 22)
When people unsubscribe from my newsletter, they're asked to say why they're leaving. In a recent note, a dissatisfied customer wrote, "Because you are a crackhead who makes no sense. You sound like you write these horoscopes while you're stoned on mushrooms." For the record, I not only refrain from crack and magic mushrooms while crafting your oracles; I don't partake of any intoxicants at any other time, either -- not even beer or pot. I'm secretly a bit proud, however, that the irate ex-reader thinks my drug-free mind is so wild. In the coming week, Libra, I invite you to try an experiment inspired by this scenario: Without losing your mind, see if you can shed some of the habitual restrictions you allow to impinge on the free and creative play of your mind.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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Sometimes the best gift you can give your ego is to tell it you're not going to be its slave anymore. You say to it, "I'm tired of being whipped around by every one of your ever-shifting little needs, and I'm sick of having to kowtow to your inexhaustible demands. I want to be free of your insatiable craving to be appreciated, recognized, and adored. Go away and leave me alone. I'm just going to be who I am without worrying about you at all."

Delivering this message may stimulate a healing crisis. Your ego could be temporarily rendered numb and irrelevant by its near death experience, and you'll get to go off and do what your soul wants to do.

Tell your ego you won't be its slave for a period of three days.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♏ SCORPIO

(October 23-November 21)
The roots of big old trees are your power objects. I advise you to visualize them in your mind's eye for a few minutes each day, maybe even go look at actual trees whose roots are showing above ground. Doing this will strengthen your resolve and increase your patience and help you find the deeper sources of nurturing you need. Another exercise that's likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who you'll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years?


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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In American psychotherapy, the first question many practitioners ask their new clients is essentially, "What did your parents do to you to mess you up so badly?" One of my Japanese friends tells me that in his country, a therapist is more likely to ask, "What did your parents do for you? How did they nurture and support you?"

Without dismissing the possibility that your mom and dad did inflict damage on you, I'll ask you to concentrate on the Japanese-style inquiry for now. What are the best things that happened to you when you were growing up? What did your family and community give you that you've never fully appreciated?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♐ SAGITTARIUS

(November 22-December 21)
If you're a physicist or Wall Street broker, your assignment this week is to read the poetry of Pablo Neruda. If you're a kirtan-chanting yogini or the author of a New Age self-help newsletter, your task is to read up on the scientific method. If you're white, be black, and vice versa. If you're yellow, be violet, and if red, be green. If you're a tight-fisted control freak, try being a laid-back connoisseur of the mellowest vibes imaginable -- and vice versa. It's Mix-It-Up Week, Sagittarius -- a time to play with flipping and flopping your usual perspectives, roles, and angles.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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Beauty and Truth Lab researcher Beth had a dream that she and her tribe were living peacefully at the foot of a mountain. Without warning, fiery ash and lava erupted. Everyone fled, desperate to escape. But before she had gone far, Beth heard a voice in her head say, "Run toward the volcano; it's your only safety." Feeling an inexplicable trust in the voice, she turned around and started heading back, whereupon the dream ended and she woke up. Soon after getting out of bed, she felt moved to face up to a certain dilemma she'd been ignoring in her waking life. When she solved the problem a day later, she felt gratitude for the dream that had spurred her to do the right thing: Run toward the volcano.

What would be the equivalent in your own life?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♑ CAPRICORN

(December 22-January 19)
Describing muckraking journalist Peter Freyne, Senator Patrick Leahy said, "He knew the difference between healthy skepticism and hollow cynicism." Mastering that distinction happens to be your next assignment, Capricorn. Can you distinguish between your tendency to make compulsive negative judgments and your skill at practicing thoughtful and compassionate discernment? My reading of the astrological omens suggests that you will have a successful week if you do. Not only that: The universe will conspire to bring you blessings you didn't even realize you needed.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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"The real secret of magic is that the world is made of words," said Terence McKenna in Alien Dreamtime, "and that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish." Here's my version of that hypothesis: What world you end up living in depends at least in part on your use of language.

Do you want to move and breathe amidst infertile chaos where nothing makes sense and no one really loves anyone? Then speak with unconscious carelessness, expressing yourself lazily. Constantly materialize and entertain angry thoughts in the privacy of your own imagination, beaming silent curses out into eternity.

Or would you prefer to live in a realm that's rich with fluid epiphanies and intriguing coincidences and mysterious harmonies? Then be discerning and inventive in how you speak, primed to name the unexpected codes that are always being born right in front of your eyes. Turn your imagination into an ebullient laboratory where the somethings you create out of nothings are tinctured with the secret light you see in your dreams of invisible fire.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♒ AQUARIUS

(January 20- February 18)
There is time for work," said fashion designer Coco Chanel, "and time for love. That leaves no other time." I understand and sympathize with that perspective. But I'm going to beg you to make an exception to it in the coming weeks, Aquarius. In addition to getting a healthy quota of work and love, please do your best to carve out a few hours specifically devoted to engaging in unadulterated, unapologetic, unbridled play -- the kind of flat-out, free-form, full-tilt fun and games that has the effect of permanently increasing your levels of liberation.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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As a boy, renowned Spanish matador Manolete was a sissy. He rarely played outside, preferring to be near his mother as he read books and painted pictures.

Psychologist James Hillman explains this by suggesting that the youthful Manolete had already sensed his destiny, intuiting that one day he would be alone in the ring facing down angry 2,000-pound bulls. His childhood behavior was a way of marshaling his strength and shielding him from the enormity of the challenges he would seek out one day.

Is it possible that what you have considered a weakness or vulnerability has actually been preparing you to express a signature strength?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

♓ PISCES

(February 19-March 20)
Although I myself have an intimate ongoing relationship with the Divine Wow, it's perfectly fine with me if other people don't. Some of my best friends are atheists and agnostics. But I must admit that I laughed derisively when I heard that the supposed genius named Stephen Hawking declared, with the fanatical certainty of a religious fundamentalist, that heaven does not exist. How unscientific of him! The intellectually honest perspective is, of course, that there's no way to know for sure about that possibility. I bring this up, Pisces, as an example of what not to do. It's particularly important right now that you not be blinded by your theories about the way things work. If you put the emphasis on your raw experience rather than your preconceived biases, you will be blessed with as much beauty and truth as you can handle.


In addition to these love letters I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're designed to help you go further in exploring the mysteries of your strange and wonderful life. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, if you're new to Free Will Astrology and would like to get acquainted with my music and spoken word stuff, here's a free podcast: It's called RE-GENIUS YOURSELF.

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Sometimes we have a strong sense of what our destiny is calling us to do, but we don't feel quite ready or brave enough to answer the call. We need a push, an intervention, a serendipitous stroke -- what you might call "fate bait." It's a person or event that awakens our dormant willpower and draws us inexorably toward our necessary destiny; it's a thunderbolt or siren song or stage whisper that gives us a good excuse to go do what we know we should do.

Do you have any ideas about how to put yourself in the vicinity of your fate bait?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

© Rob Brezsny 1995-2019