Imagine this scene, as described by Seattle-based video artist Michael Douglas. "Sometimes a tree falls down in a field of cows, and the cows walk over to it and stare at it. It used to be standing and now it's on the ground. There's something different in the field and the cows start to hang out around the tree and watch it like it's television, attracted to the rupture in the order of things. They gather around it for months, even after they completely forget why they started doing it." I think there's a comparable scene going on in your life right now, Aries. People you care about are in a daze, seemingly hypnotized by a certain "rupture in the order of things" that took place some time ago. In my opinion, it's your task to wake them up, gently if possible, and motivate them to move on.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Fairy tales are full of characters who suffer loss and hardship for trying to be something they're not. If they ever change their ways and accept the truth about themselves, their luck improves dramatically. It's interesting, then, to contemplate the fact that our culture adores film and TV actors, who get extensive training in pretending to be someone other than who they really are. We nurse a similar obsession with politicians, whose specialty resembles that of actors: Their vocation requires them to dissemble constantly.

Are you one of the enthralled? Do you share our collective entrancement with people who lie about themselves for a living? If so, experiment with what happens if you wean yourself. Try being cautious about exposing yourself to influences that might encourage you to be something you're not.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You're an animal! And I mean that in the best senses of the word. Your vitality is heading toward peak levels, and your body is as smart as it gets. If you were ever going to act as if every move you make is a dance, now would be the time to do it. If you ever wanted to explore the righteous blending of grace and power, this is a perfect moment. Give yourself permission to be a fluid bolt of ingenious fun, Taurus. Play hard and sweet, with sublime ferocity.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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In her book Vodou Visions, Sallie Ann Glassman argues that Vodou (the preferred spelling among its practitioners) is an authentic religious tradition worthy of respect. She acknowledges that some of its beliefs may seem unusual. For instance, Vodou's calm, gentle, sweet spirits are not always forces for good, while some of its hot, turbulent, revolutionary spirits are not necessarily bad.

Although not a practitioner of Vodou, Raymond Chandler had some related counsel: "The disease of niceness cripples more lives than alcoholism."

Borrow this meme. Monitor the calm, gentle, sweet spirits in your life for the possibility that they may act as agents of deception or passivity. Be inspired by the creator gods and goddesses of ancient myth, who playfully forged millions of beautiful things using wind, mud, tears, and lightning. Tap into the fiery aspect of your nature that drove you out of your mother's womb and into this world in the hour when you were born.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Make the invisible dark force beautiful." That was the first line of the horoscope I wrote for you in my dream last night. Here's what came next: "Create a song out of your moans. Brag about your wounds. Dance reverently on the graves of your enemies." Does any of this make sense to you so far? It all seemed perfectly reasonable and helpful in my dream. "Sneak a gift to your bad self. Dissolve the ties that bind you to hollow intelligence. Seek the angel near the funky gulley that winds through no man's land. Dig for treasure in the muddy puddle where the single lily grows." That's it, Gemini -- my dream of your horoscope. If you can align yourself with its spirit, I bet you'll be primed for the waking-life opportunities that are headed your way.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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"The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something," wrote art critic John Ruskin in his book Modern Painters. "To see clearly is poetry, prophecy, and religion, all in one."

Proposed experiment: Lay aside everything you think you know, suspend your reflex to impose your beliefs on every situation you encounter, and behold the world exactly as it is. Assume that by doing so you can change everything you see into a more beautiful version of itself.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Writing in the Journal of Medical Ethics, psychologist Richard Bentall proposed that happiness be reclassified as a "psychiatric disorder" -- a pathology that should be treated with therapy. "Happiness is statistically abnormal," he argued. It "consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, is associated with a range of cognitive abnormalities, and probably reflects the abnormal functioning of the central nervous system." If he's correct, Cancerian, you may have a problem. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you're about to be besieged by a massive influx of good feelings. It may be hard for you to fend off surges of unreasonable joy, well-being, and gratitude. So let me ask you: Are you prepared to enter into rebel mode as you flaunt your abnormal bliss?

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Dumb suffering is the kind of suffering you're compulsively drawn back to over and over again out of habit. It's familiar, and thus perversely comfortable. Smart suffering is the kind of pain that surprises you with valuable teachings and inspires you to see the world with new eyes.

While stupid suffering is often born of fear, wise suffering is typically stirred up by love. The dumb, unproductive stuff comes from allowing yourself to be controlled by your early conditioning and from doing things that are out of harmony with your essence. The smart, useful variety arises out of an intention to approach life as an interesting work of art and uncanny game that's worthy of your curiosity.

Come up with two more definitions about the difference between dumb suffering and smart suffering.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Two British men, Jack Jones and Chris Cuddihy, pulled off an epic deed in 2009. They ran seven marathons in seven consecutive days on seven continents. Each marathon was over 31 miles. (More info here.) I'm not recommending that you try something as ridiculously excessive as they did, Leo, but I do want to note that you're now in a phase when your capacity for amazing feats is bigger than usual. Do you have any ideas about what you could accomplish that's beyond your expectations?

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Traditionally, the Seven Deadly Sins -- actions most likely to wound the soul -- are pride, lust, gluttony, anger, envy, sloth, and covetousness.

But we have formulated a fresh set of soul-­harmers, the Four Foolish Virtues. They are as follows: (1) being analytical to such extremes that you repress your intuition; (2) sacrificing your pleasure through a compulsive attachment to duty; (3) tolerating excessive stress because you assume it helps you accomplish more; (4) being so knowledgeable that you neglect to be curious.

Are you victimized by any of these Four Foolish Virtues? If so, what are you going to do about it?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

What have you had to relinquish in the past ten months, Virgo? What were you forced to sacrifice or surrender? Whatever it is, I predict you will be compensated for it over the course of the next 12 months. And the process begins soon. It's not likely that the incoming blessing will bring an exact replacement for the dream that got away. Rather, you will be awakened to an unexpected new source of excitement, thereby dissolving the lingering sense of loss and liberating you to rise again.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Go to a mirror and play with your face until you create the Fabulous Smirk. Not the Arrogant Smirk or the Vengeful Smirk or the Hateful, Whiny, Passive-Aggressive Smirk. Rather, express the Smirk that Passeth All Understanding. The Wise, Charitable, Forbearing Smirk. The Uber-Smirk that says, "I've figured out what everyone's hiding, and I love them anyway."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If given the choice between having our lives change or keeping our lives the same, many of us would choose the status quo. We tend to feel that even if the current state of things is uncomfortable, it's still preferable to having to deal with the uncertainty and fear that come from transformation. But I don't think you fit this description right now, Libra. Of all the signs of the zodiac, you're the one that's most receptive to shifting the mood and experimenting with the rules. It's easier than usual for you to imagine different ways of doing things. Take advantage of this superpower.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Sometimes hope is an irrelevant waste of time, even a stupid self-indulgence. Let's say, for instance, that I'm intently hoping that a certain disagreeable person I've got to communicate with won't answer when I call on the phone. That way I can simply leave a message on his voice mail and avoid an unpleasant exchange. But it doesn't matter what I hope. The guy will either answer or not, regardless of what I hope.

But there is another kind of hope that's potentially invigorating. Let's say I hope that we humans will reverse the environmental catastrophes we're perpetrating. Let's say that my hope motivates me to live more sustainably and to inspire others to live more sustainably. Then my hope is a catalyst.

Give two examples from your life about the two kinds of hope.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Hugo Chavez is the socialist president of Venezuela, not an astronomer or New Age philosopher. And yet he recently speculated that the planet Mars once had a thriving civilization that met its doom because its resources were drained off and poisoned by the excesses of capitalism. I love it when notable people go off-message and freestyle wacky fantasies, so I applaud Chavez's improvisation. May I respectfully suggest you consider indulging in your own version of this art form? According to my reading of the astrological omens, it would be downright healthy for you to depart from your usual raps and unveil some unpredictable self-expressions to anyone and everyone who think they have you all figured out.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Provide evidence proving or disproving the following four hypotheses: 1. If you're not part of the grueling solution, you're probably part of the insidiously comfortable problem. 2. If you're not conspiring to commit smart fun, you're almost certainly colluding with the disingenuous repression. 3. If you're not trying to rally support for a tough investigation, you'll end up assisting the bland cover-up. 4. If you're not mad about how unconstructively you've used your anger in the past, then you won't be motivated to wield it more creatively any time soon.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Symmetry and equilibrium are not all that valuable right now. They're certainly not worth obsessing over or having screaming fights about. In fact, I recommend that you cultivate a jaunty knack for stylish lopsidedness. Appreciate the beauty of irregularity. Be alert for the way incongruous details and crooked angles reveal fresh, hot truths that provide you with exactly what you need. Even so-called flaws and mistakes may lead to lucky accidents.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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James Hillman and Michael Ventura wrote the book We've Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World's Getting Worse. They propose that resolving our problems may not necessarily come from talking about our deep, private feelings with a trusted counselor. Instead, the best approach might be to go out into the world and do good works like helping the underprivileged or fighting for social justice.

Try their approach as a prescription for one of your personal problems.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"It was better for me when I could imagine greatness in others, even if it wasn't always there," said Charles Bukowski, a generally cranky writer not renowned for his optimism. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy will also work wonders for you in the coming days. Trying to see what's great about other people will tend to activate your own dormant greatness, and will just generally make you feel good. So ask yourself: What's beautiful, smart, interesting, and successful about the people you know? Fantasize aggressively.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Borrowing the words of poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning, I've prepared a love note for you to use as your own. Feel free to give it to the person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours. "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The income gap between the richest and poorest sections of society has always been large, but in recent years it has grown absurdly, grotesquely humongous. As journalist Les Leopold notes, there are hedge-fund gamblers who rake in more money in an hour than a middle-class wage-earner makes in 47 years. From an astrological perspective, Aquarius, it's an excellent time for you to raise your voice against this inequity. Furthermore, you'd be wise to dramatically shrink the discrepancy between the haves and have-nots in your own personal sphere, where you can actually have an immediate effect. You might start the healing by asking yourself how the rich aspects of your psyche steal from the poor parts.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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In The Book of Embraces, Uruguayan author Eduardo Galeano writes, "The fishermen of the Colombian coast must be learned doctors of ethics and morality, for they invented the word sentipensante, or 'feeling-thinking,' to define language that speaks the truth."

Describe a time when you pulled off the feat of thinking with your heart and feeling with your head.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There's a good chance you will soon utter the smartest words you have ever said in your life. It's also possible that you will generate two of the top five thoughts that have popped into your brain in the last decade. That's how in tune I expect you to be with your inner sources of wisdom. And that's how closely aligned you'll be with the Divine Intelligence formerly known as God. Now here's the surprise ending to my message for you, Pisces -- the unexpected outcome: Your brilliant insights and cogent statements may tempt you to be wilder and freer than you've been in a long time.

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition." It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Here's Bruce Chatwin in The Songlines: "Aboriginal creation myths tell of the legendary totemic beings who had wandered over the continent in the Dreamtime, singing out the name of everything that crossed their path -- birds, animals, plants, rocks, waterholes -- and so singing the world into existence. Any species can be a Dreaming. A virus can be a Dreaming. You can have a chickenpox Dreaming, a rain Dreaming, a desert-orange Dreaming, a lice Dreaming."

Close your eyes and tune in to the song of a Dreaming species of your choice. Either that, or else pretend you can tune in the song of a Dreaming species.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.