In her blog, Jane at janebook.tumblr.com answers questions from readers. A recent query went like this: "Who would win in a steel cage match, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?" Jane said, "Easter Bunny, no question; he has those big-ass teeth." But I'm not so sure. My sources say that Santa has more raw wizardry at his disposal than the Bunny. His magical prowess would most likely neutralize the Bunny's superior physical assets. Likewise, Aries, I'm guessing you will have a similar edge in upcoming steel cage matches -- or any other competitions in which you're involved. These days you've simply got too much mojo to be defeated.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Write the following on a piece of red paper and keep it under your pillow. "I, [put your name here], do solemnly swear on this day, [put date here], that I will devote myself for a period of seven days to learning my most important desire. No other thought will be more uppermost in my mind. No other concern will divert me from tracking down every clue that might assist me in my drive to ascertain the one experience in this world that deserves my brilliant passion above all others."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Dear Rob: Last January you predicted that 2011 might be the best year ever for us Bulls to commune with the invisible realms and get closer to the Source of All Life. And I have been enjoying the most amazing dreams ever. I've had several strong telepathic experiences and have even had conversations with the spirit of my dead grandmother. But that God character remains achingly elusive. Can't I just have a face-to-face chat with his/her Royal Highness? -Impatient Taurus." Dear Taurus: The coming weeks will be one of the potentially best times in your life to get up close and personal with the Divine Wow. For best results, empty your mind of what that would be like.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Even if your heart's not exactly shattered at the moment, it has no doubt been so at some time in the past. I invite you to feel a wave of sadness about your suffering, then move on to this possibility: that having a broken heart is one of the best things that can happen to you.

Why? Because it strengthens your humility, which makes you smarter. It demonstrates to you that you have a tremendous capacity for deep feelings -- far more than you're normally aware of. It breaks down defense mechanisms that have desensitized you to the world's secret beauty. It may also inspire you to treat other people's hearts with greater care, making it more likely that you'll be able to create intelligent intimacy in the future.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I was reading about how fantasy writer Terry Pratchett made his own sword using "thunderbolt iron" from a meteorite. It made me think how that would be an excellent thing for you to do. Not that you will need it to fight off dragons or literal bad guys. Rather, I suspect that creating your own sword from a meteorite would strengthen and tone your mental toughness. It would inspire you to cut away trivial wishes and soul-sucking influences that may seem interesting but aren't really. It might even lead you to rouse in yourself the zeal of a knight on a noble quest -- just in time for the arrival of an invitation to go on a noble quest.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Compose and cast a love spell on yourself. There's no need to consult pagan books about how to proceed. It may even be better if you improvise homemade conjurations and incantations.

Be sure to formulate a clear intention of what you want to accomplish with your mojo. Example: "I want to make myself irresistibly lovable." For best results, stand naked in front of an altar crammed with magical objects that symbolize both lust and compassion.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Over the years I have on several occasions stood at a highway exit ramp with a handmade cardboard sign that reads, "I love to help; I need to give; please take some money." I flash a wad of bills, and offer a few dollars to drivers whose curiosity impels them to stop and engage me. I've always been surprised at how many people hesitate to accept my gift. Some assume I have a hidden agenda; others think I'm crazy. Some are even angry, and shout things like "Go home, you freak!" If a comparable experience comes your way anytime soon, Cancerian, I urge you to lower your suspicions. Consider the possibility that a blessing is being offered to you with no strings attached.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Bring the spirits of sampling and the mash-up into your relationship life. Sampling is what happens when a musician openly lifts a riff out of an existing song and inserts it into his or her own composition. In a mash-up, a producer takes parts from two different songs to assemble a new song that has elements of both originals but is an entirely new creation.

How might you apply these approaches to your collaborations with intimate allies? For example, you could "sample" a close friend's favorite catchphrases or clothes, and use them as your own. Or tell that person a story from his or her own past, but recount it as if it happened to you. The two of you could write a journal entry together, taking turns spinning out each new line. You might even switch roles for a day, trying out what it actually feels like to be the other person.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity," said Abraham Lincoln, "but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." According to my analysis of the astrological omens, that thought will have extra meaning for you in the coming weeks. So far in 2011, you have gotten passing grades on the tests that adversity has brought you. But now come the trickier trials and tribulations. Will your integrity and impeccability stand up strong in the face of your waxing clout and influence?

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Play the game called "Tell me the story of your scars." It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds.

"How did you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk. Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you'd narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart. The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

It would be a good week for you to assemble a big pile of old TVs you bought for $5 apiece at a thrift store and run over them with a bulldozer. It would also be a favorable time to start a blazing fire in a fireplace and throw in the photos of all the supposedly attractive people you used to be infatuated with even though you now realize that they were unworthy of your smart love. In other words, Virgo, it is a perfect moment to destroy symbols of things that have drained your energy and held you back. There's an excellent chance this will provide a jolt of deliverance that will prime further liberations in the coming weeks.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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You understand that you can never own love, right? No matter how much someone adores you today, no matter how much you adore someone, you can't force that unique state of grace to keep its shape forever. It will inevitably evolve or mutate, perhaps into a different version of tender caring, but maybe not. From there it will continue to change, into either yet another version of interesting affection, or who knows what else?

Describe how you could get the hang of putting this tricky wisdom into practice.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The style of dance known as the samba seems to have its origins in the semba, an old Angolan dance in which partners rub their navels together. In the African Kimbundu language, semba also means "pleasing, enchanting," and in the Kikongo tongue it denotes "honoring, revering." In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you Libras to bring the spirit of semba to your life. Use your imagination as you dream up ways to infuse your intimate exchanges with belly-to-belly reverence and enchantment. Be serpentine and worshipful. Be wild and sublime. Bestow your respectful care with all your slinky wiles unfurled.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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"Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valery. While there's a grain of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes. I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence. Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works.

Give an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "Love is being smart together."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the Philippines, there is a geographic anomaly I want to call your attention to: a volcanic island in a lake that's on a volcanic island in a lake that's on an island. Can you picture that? Vulcan Point is an island in Crater Lake, and Crater Lake is on Volcano Island, and Volcano Island is in Lake Taal, and Lake Taal is on the island of Luzon. It's confusing -- just as your currently convoluted state is perplexing, both to you and those around you. You could be aptly described as fiery earth within cool water within fiery earth within cool water within fiery earth. Whether that'll be a problem, I don't know yet. Are you OK with containing so much paradox?

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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"For a relationship to stay alive," writes James Hillman, "love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."

Make this your hypothesis. The next time you sense that you're about to say the same old thing to your closest ally, interrupt yourself and head off in the direction of storyland.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

For the Navajo, the quality of your life isn't measured by your wealth or status, but by whether you "walk in beauty." It's an excellent time, astrologically speaking, for you to evaluate yourself from that perspective. Do you stop to admire a flock of sparrows swirling toward a tangerine cloud at dusk? Are you skilled at giving gifts that surprise and delight others? When your heart isn't sure what it feels, do you sing songs that help you transcend the need for certainty? Have you learned what your body needs to feel healthy? Do you know any jokes you could tell to ease the passing of a dying elder? Have you ever kissed a holy animal or crazy wise person or magic stone?

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Would you like to make yourself more magnetic to blessings? You could experiment with good luck charms or magic amulets -- objects that you imagine might attract benevolence into your life. How about a replica of Brísingamen, the magical necklace of the Norse goddess Freya? When she wore it, neither man nor god could resist her allure. Or maybe a copy of the thyrsus, a wand wielded by Dionysus, the god of ecstasy? Or the bracelet of meteorite chunks I saw advertised as a luck-bringer in the back of a tabloid?

As fun as things like these might be, I believe there's a superior approach to the art of charging up your mojo. It's embodied by the metaphorical talisman that Tom Waits recommends in his song "Get Behind the Mule": Always keep a diamond in your mind.

Go get one of those diamonds.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"He who wants to do good knocks at the gate," says Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore in one of his "Stray Bird" poems, while "he who loves finds the gate open." I agree completely. That's why I advise you, as you get ready to head off to your next assignment, not to be burning with a no-nonsense intention to fix things. Rather, be flowing with the desire to offer whatever gifts and blessings are most needed.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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Butterflies, moths, hummingbirds, and bats love to drink the nectar that flowers offer. In return, these pollinators are expected to get some pollen stuck on their bodies and carry it away to fertilize other plants.

While the nectar is tasty, it's usually not pure sweetness. If it were, the first pollinator to come along would suck it all dry, leaving nothing for further visitors. And that wouldn't be good from the plant's point of view, because it would limit the number of places where its pollen would be disseminated.

To keep nectar-drinking sessions short, therefore, most plants include a touch of bitterness in the blend.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Once bread becomes toast, it can never become bread again." Today I saw that piece of wisdom scrawled on the wall of a cafe's restroom. I immediately thought of you. Metaphorically speaking, you're thinking about dropping some slices in the toaster, even though you're not actually ready to eat yet. If it were up to me, you would wait a while before transforming the bread into toast -- until your hunger got ratcheted up to a higher level. The problem is, if you make the toast now, it'll be unappetizing by the time your appetite reaches its optimum levels. That's why I suggest: Put the bread back in the bag. For the moment, refrain from toasting.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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"The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them," wrote novelist Margaret Atwood. "There ought to be as many for love."

Here are a few that the ancient Greeks devised, according to Lindsay Swope in her review of Richard Idemon's book Through the Looking Glass.

Epithemia is the basic need to touch and be touched. Our closest approximation is "horniness," though epithemia is not so much a sexual feeling as a sensual one.

Philia is friendship. It includes the need to admire and respect your friends as a reflection of yourself—like in high school, where you want to hang out with the cool kids because that means you're cool too.

Eros isn't sexual in the way we usually think, but is more about the emotional gratification that comes from merging souls.

Agape is a mature, utterly free expression of love that has no possessiveness. It means wanting the best for another person even if it doesn't advance your self-interest.

Your assignment is to coin three additional new words for love, which means you'll have to discover or create three alternate states of love that have previously been unnamed. To do that, you'll have to put aside your habitual expectations and standard definitions of what constitutes love so that you can explore an array of nuances, including varieties you never imagined existed.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Don't try so hard, Pisces. Give up the struggle. As soon as you really relax, your subconscious mind will provide you with simple, graceful suggestions about how to outwit the riddle. Notice I just said you will be able to "outwit the riddle." I didn't say you will "solve the riddle." Big difference. Outwitting the riddle means you won't have to solve it, because you will no longer allow it to define the questions you're asking or the answers you're seeking.

Would you like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like? Tune in to my free podcast, "You Are a Prophet." It's a meditation about the single most important tool you have for creating your future -- your imagination. My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my weekly EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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A common obstruction to a vital intimate relationship is what I call the assumption of clairvoyance. You imagine, perhaps unconsciously, that your partner or friend is somehow magically psychic when it comes to you -- so much so that he or she should unfailingly intuit exactly what you need, even if you don't ask for it. This fantasy may seem romantic, but it can sink the most promising alliances.

To counteract any tendencies you might have to indulge in the assumption of clairvoyance, practice stating your desires aloud.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.