When he was three years old, actor Charlie Sheen got a hernia from yelling too much and too loud. I definitely don't encourage you to be like that. However, I do think it's an excellent time to tune in to the extravagant emotions that first made an appearance when you were very young and that have continued to be a source of light and heat for you ever since. Maybe righteous anger is one of those vitalizing emotions, but there must be others as well -- crazy longing, ferocious joy, insatiable curiosity, primal laughter. Get in touch with them; invite them to make an appearance and reveal the specific magic they have to give you right now.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and forgotten. There'll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist materialists would have you believe. But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing you do subtly alters the course of world history? What if your day-to-day decisions will actually help determine how the human species navigates its way through the epic turning point we're living through? And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated into a fresh body and in possession of the memories of the person you were back in this era? These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. Which is why I say: Live as if your soul is eternal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The hydrochloric acid in our digestive system is so corrosive it can dissolve a nail. In other words, you contain within you the power to dematerialize solid metal. Why is it so hard, then, for you to conceive of the possibility that you can vaporize a painful memory or bad habit or fearful fantasy? I say you can do just that, Taurus -- especially at this moment, when your capacity for creative destruction is at a peak. Try this meditation: Imagine that the memory or habit or fantasy you want to kill off is a nail. Then picture yourself dropping the nail into a vat of hydrochloric acid. Come back every day and revisit this vision, watching the nail gradually dissolve.

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Psychologist Carl Jung believed that all desires have a sacred origin, no matter how odd they may seem. Frustration and ignorance may contort them into distorted caricatures, but it is always possible to locate the divine source from which they arose. In describing one of his addictive patients, Jung said: "His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst for wholeness, or as expressed in medieval language: the union with God."

Therapist James Hillman echoes the theme: "Psychology regards all symptoms to be expressing the right thing in the wrong way." A preoccupation with porn or romance novels, for instance, may come to dominate a passionate person whose quest for love has degenerated into an obsession with images of love. "Follow the lead of your symptoms," Hillman suggests, "for there's usually a myth in the mess, and a mess is an expression of soul."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Now and then I include comments in these horoscopes that might be construed as political in nature. For instance, I have always endorsed a particular candidate in the American presidential elections. Some people are outraged by this, saying, in effect, "How dare you?! What do your political opinions have to do with my life?!" If you feel that way, you might want to stop reading now. It's my sacred duty to tell you that the twists and turns of political and social issues will be making an increasingly strong impact on your personal destiny in the months ahead. To be of service to you, I will have to factor them into my meditations on your oracles. Now let me ask you: Is it possible that your compulsive discontent about certain political issues is inhibiting your capacity for personal happiness?

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In Homer's epic tale, The Odyssey, he described nepenthe, a mythical drug that induced the forgetfulness of pain and trouble. Modern culture has turned the myth into reality: There are now many stimuli serving that purpose.

If Homer were alive today, we wonder if he'd write about a potion that stirs up memories of delight, serenity, and fulfillment? Imagine that you have taken such a tonic. Spend an hour or two remembering the glorious moments from your past.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you were a poker player, the odds would now be far better than usual that you'd be voted one of the "50 Sexiest Poker Players in the World." If you were a physician volunteering your services in Haiti or Sudan, there'd be an unusually high likelihood that you'd soon be the focus of a feature story on a TV news show. And even if you were just a pet groomer or life coach or yoga teacher, I bet your cachet would be rising. Why? According to my reading of the omens, you Cancerians are about to be noticed, seen for who you are, or just plain appreciated a lot more than usual.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted. Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

No other country on the planet has a greater concentration of artistic masterpieces than Italy. As for the place that has the most natural wonders and inspiring scenery per square mile: That's more subjective, but I'd say Hawaii. Judging from the astrological omens, Leo, I encourage you to visit one or both of those two hotspots -- or the closest equivalents you can manage. (If you already live in Italy or Hawaii, you won't have far to go.) In my opinion, you need to be massively exposed to huge doses of staggering beauty. And I really do mean that you NEED this experience -- for your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Many people believe that happiness is a rare commodity attainable only through dumb luck. "One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness," said novelist Willa Cather. "One only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere." I disagree. My perspective is the same as the Buddhist researchers Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. In their book How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People, they reveal that the number one trait of happy people is a serious determination to be happy. Bliss is a habit you can cultivate, in other words, not an accident that you stumble upon by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world's end somewhere.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Healer Caroline Myss coined the term "woundology." It refers to the practice of using our wounds to get power, sympathy, and attention. Why give up our pain when we can wield it to manipulate others emotionally? "I am suffering, so you should give me what I want." When we're in pain, we may feel we have the right to do things we wouldn't otherwise allow ourselves to do, like go on shopping sprees, eat tasty junk food, or sleep with attractive people who are no good for us. In this scenario, pain serves us. It's an ally. Your assignment, Virgo, is to get touch with your personal version of woundology. Now is a good time to divest yourself of the so-called "advantages" of holding on to your suffering.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.

An alternative perspective comes from Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a good ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.

Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

As an American who has lived most of my life in the U.S., I write these horoscopes in English. But for years they have also been translated into Italian for the zesty Italian magazine, Internazionale. Over the years, my readership there has grown so sizable that an Italian publisher approached me to create an astrology book for Italians. Late last year Robosocopo appeared in Italy but nowhere else. It was an odd feeling to have my fourth book rendered in the Italian language but not in my native tongue. I suspect you'll be having a comparable experience soon, Libra. You will function just fine in a foreign sphere -- having meaningful experiences, and maybe even some success, "in translation."

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Most people associate innocence with naivete. Conventional wisdom regards it as belonging to children and fools and rookies who lack the sophistication or experience to know the tough truths about life. But the Beauty and Truth Laboratory recognizes a different kind of innocence. It's based on an understanding that the world is always changing, and therefore deserves to be seen fresh every day. This alternative brand of innocence is fueled by an aggressive determination to empty one's imagination of all preconceptions.

"Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good," wrote Clarissa Pinkola-Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves. "Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You can gain more power -- not to mention charisma, panache, and love -- by losing some of your cool. This is one time when too much self-control could actually undermine your authority. So please indulge in a bit of healthy self-undoing, Scorpio. Gently mock your self-importance and shake yourself free of self-images you're pathologically attached to. Fool with your own hard and fast rules in ways that purge your excess dignity and restore at least some of your brilliant and beautiful innocence.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Mirabilia is a word that refers to events that inspire wonder, marvelous phenomena, small miracles; it's from the Latin mirabilia, "marvels." Here's your mirabilia report for the coming week: The average river requires a million years to move a grain of sand 100 miles. Kind people are more likely than mean people to yawn when someone near them does. There are always so many fragments of spider legs floating in the air that you are constantly inhaling them wherever you go. Gregorian chants can cure dyslexia. Bob Hope donated half a million jokes to the Library of Congress. Bees perform a valuable service for the flowers from which they steal. The moon smells like exploded firecrackers. Physicists in Tennessee coaxed electric signals to travel through coaxial cable at four times the speed of light, even though the equipment they used was cheap stuff from Radio Shack. Revlon makes 177 different shades of lipstick.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

This week will be a time when you might want to get a hold of a toy you loved when you were a kid, and actually play with it again; a time when you could speak so articulately about an idea you're passionate about that you will change the mind of someone who has a different belief; a time when you may go off on an adventure you feared you would regret but then it turns out later that you don't regret it; a time when you might pick out a group of stars in the sky that form the shape of a symbol that's important to you, and give this new constellation a name; and a time when you could make love with such utter abandon that your mutual pleasure will stay with you both for several days.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Your imagination is the single most important asset you possess. It's your power to create mental pictures of things that don't exist yet and that you want to bring into being. It's the magic wand you use to shape your future.

And so in your own way, you are a prophet. You generate countless predictions every day. Your imagination is the source, tirelessly churning out images of what you will be doing later.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The Norwegian film Twigson is about a boy who feels so friendless and isolated that he seeks companionship with a talking twig. In the coming weeks, I encourage you to be equally as proactive in addressing the strains of your own loneliness. I'm not implying that you are lonelier or will be lonelier than the rest of us; I'm just saying that it's an excellent time for taking aggressive action to soothe the ache. So reach out, Capricorn. Be humbly confident as you try to make deeper contact.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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All of creation loves you very much. Even now, secret allies are cooking up mysteries that will excite you and incite you for years to come. Even now, the Earth, moon, and sun are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move.

But here's the loaded question: Are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

During one of 2010's Mercury retrograde phases, astrologer Evelyn Roberts wrote on her Facebook page that she was doing lots of things you're "not supposed to do" during a Mercury retrograde: buying a new computer, planning trips, making contracts, signing documents. Why? She said she always rebels like that, maybe because of her quirky Aquarian nature. More importantly, she does it because what usually works best for her is to pay close attention to what's actually going on rather than getting lost in fearful fantasies about what influence a planet may or may not have. During the current Mercury retrograde, Aquarius, I recommend her approach to you.

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When many people talk about their childhoods, they emphasize the alienating, traumatic experiences they had. It has become fashionable to avoid reporting memories of the good times in one's past. This seems dishonest—a testament to the popularity of cynicism rather than a reflection of objective truth.

I don't mean to downplay the way your early encounters with pain demoralized your spirit. But as you reconnoiter the promise of pronoia, it's crucial for you to extol the gifts you were given in your early years: all the helpful encounters, kind teachings, and simple acts of grace that helped you bloom. Remember them now, please.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Damon Bruce is a San Francisco sports talk show host I listen to now and then. He told a story about being at a bar and seeing a guy with a tattoo of a life-sized dollar bill on the back of his shaved head. Bruce was incredulous. Why burn an image of the lowest-denomination bill into your flesh? If you're going to all that trouble, shouldn't you inscribe a more ambitious icon, like a $100 bill? My sentiments exactly, Pisces. Now apply this lesson to your own life.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Is the world a dangerous, chaotic place with no inherent purpose, running on automatic like a malfunctioning machine and fundamentally inimical to your happiness? Or are you surrounded by helpers in a friendly universe that gives you challenges in order to make you smarter and wilder and kinder? Trick questions! The answers may depend, at least to some degree, on what you believe is true.

Formulate a series of experiments that will allow you to objectively test the hypothesis that the universe is conspiring to help you.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.