Where I live, 35 percent of all high school students confess (or brag) that they have engaged in binge drinking, which is defined as imbibing five or more alcoholic drinks in a two-hour period. According to my reading of the omens, your inner teenager may soon be longing to flirt with that kind of intense and total release. Can I talk him or her out of it? As much as I sympathize with the younger you's need to escape the numbing effects of the daily grind, I'm asking the adult you to step in and assert your authority. Try to find a more constructive approach to liberation.

How's your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses? For assistance and inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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I've written astrological oracles for much of my adult life. An early prototype of my work hatched in my previous incarnation as an 11th-century monastic scribe who made illuminated manuscripts. During my off-hours, I dabbled with planetary divination and created a parchment newsletter that got passed around the monastery.

In a later lifetime as a 16th-century Florentine alchemist, I further refined the form. The invention of the printing press meant my oracles could be seen by a larger audience, and as a result I got more feedback, which in turn helped me improve my service. The horoscopes I create today, then, have been in the making for a thousand years.

What about you? Is there anything you've been working on for many centuries? If your memory of your previous incarnations is fuzzy, make up a good story.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Why did feathered dinosaurs evolve wings? Paleontologists in Britain have a new theory: It added to their sexual allure. The head researcher at the University of Manchester speculated that "maybe they ran around with their arms outstretched to show off how pretty their feathers were." Eventually those forearms became wings that came in handy for flying. In other words, the power of flight did not originate from the urge to fly but rather from the urge to be attractive. Oddly enough, Taurus, this approach to understanding evolution would be useful for you to meditate on in the coming weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you could develop some interesting new capacities as you work to enhance your appeal to people who matter.

Assume that your drive to experience pleasure isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day. For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In his book Cosmos and Psyche, Richard Tarnas says the planets don't emit invisible forces that shape our destinies as if we were puppets. Rather, they are symbols of the unfolding evolutionary pattern. Just as clocks tell time but don't create it, the heavenly bodies show us the big picture but don't cause it.

Quoting Greek philosopher Plotinus, Tarnas writes, "The stars are like letters that inscribe themselves at every moment in the sky. Everything in the world is full of signs. All events are coordinated. All things depend on each other. Everything breathes together."

So it's not just the distant globes whose movements and relationships serve as divinatory clues. If you're sufficiently attuned to the gestalt of creation and pay close enough attention to its unfolding details, you can read the current mood of the universe in the arrangement of red onions in the grocery store bin or the fluttering of sunlight and shadow on the mimosa tree or the scatter of soap suds in your sink after you've finished washing the dishes.

Can you do it? Discern the signature of creation at this or any other perfect moment? Peer into the secret heart of the collective unconscious? Guess what the Goddess is thinking? Hint: You will have to switch on a dormant capacity, transforming your imagination from a mere fantasy-generator into an organ of perception.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

On the subject of being divided, novelist Iris Murdoch wrote the following: "He led a double life. Did that make him a liar? He did not feel a liar. He was a man of two truths." Whether you deserve the generosity of that interpretation still remains to be seen, Gemini. It is possible that your version of doubleness will be rooted in deceit or delusion rather than sincere and honest duality. Of course I'm rooting for the latter. Please do all you can to ensure that you're being authentic, not manipulative.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that. For help, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"When you die," says the Koran, "God will call upon you to account for all the permitted pleasures you did not enjoy while on earth." The Talmud offers a similar idea: "A person will be called upon to account, on Judgment Day, for all the permitted pleasures he might have enjoyed but did not." Are there any such pleasures in your life?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

My friend Ariel's six-year-old daughter Juno doesn't understand why anyone would build streets that run in a straight line. Isn't it more fun if the highways and byways are crooked and curvy? Shouldn't people want to get to where they're going by veering this way and that, relishing the playful twists and turns? That's where the best action is, says Juno, and I agree: in the tweak, in the twirl, in the winding way -- not in the beeline route that leaves no room for improvisation. That's especially true for you right now, my fellow Cancerian.

I invite you to keep a running list of all the ways life delights you and helps you and energizes you. Describe everyday miracles you take for granted . . . the uncanny powers you possess . . . the small joys that occur so routinely you forget how much they mean to you . . . the steady flow of benefits bestowed on you by people you know and don't know. What works for you? What makes you feel at home in the world? For inspiration in this noble effort, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The information you seek is available in the library of forbidden knowledge, the damp autumnal loam you dreamed you were buried in, and the song you learned before you were born. When you find that information, you will be able to answer this question: What are the three miracles that are most likely to happen to you?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Would you be delighted if I arranged to get an offshore oil-drilling rig named after you? Probably not. Would you celebrate if you won a prestigious all-expenses-paid vacation to the hottest war zones in Afghanistan? I doubt it. So don't accept dubious honors and gifts like those, Leo. Be clear that you're not interested in ego strokes that are irrelevant to your long-term dreams. If you hope to get the prize you're aiming for, you will have to say a definitive no to supposedly good things that you don't really want.

All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don't know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative. For help in cultivating this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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One of my favorite memories is gazing into my daughter Zoe's face just moments after her complicated birth. She had been through a heroic ordeal that scared the hell out of me, and yet she looked calm, beatific, and amused.

"She's part-Buddha and part-elf," I thought to myself as I held her in my arms. Gazing back at me, her shiny face blended two states I had never before witnessed together in anyone, let alone in an infant: elegant compassion and playful serenity. This revelation imprinted me like a blood oath and has informed my life and my work ever since.

Do you have a comparable memory? A time when a key to your destiny was suddenly laid bare? A turning point when you got a gift that has fueled your quest for years? Revisit that breakthrough. Then ask life for another one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The nature of the game is changing. Do you know which game I'm referring to? I mean the one that everyone's playing but no one's acknowledging they're playing. The rules of the game had held steady for quite some time, but recently they began to shift. Now even the game's rewards are in the process of metamorphosing. My advice? You don't necessarily need to splash a big dose of raw candor all over the place, but I do recommend that you at least tell yourself the truth about what's going on.

What is the obvious secret you can't quite see? How could you turn your challenges into daily gifts for yourself? For clues to mysteries like these, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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My old philosophy professor Norman O. Brown would periodically interrupt his lectures, tilt his head upward as if tuning in to the whisper of some heavenly voice, and announce in a puckish tone, "It's time for your irregular reminder: We're already living after the end of the world. No need to fret anymore."

The implication was that the worst had already happened. We had lost much of the cultural riches that had given humans meaning for centuries. All that was going to be taken from us had already been taken.

On the bright side, that meant we were utterly free to reinvent ourselves. Living amidst the emptiness, we had nowhere to go but up. What remained was alienating, but it was also fresh.

Working from the hypothesis that you're living after the end of the world, what are you free to do that you weren't able to do before? Who are you free to be?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

My Facebook friend Robert Goldberg has come up with terms for you Libras that puts a more positive spin on your reputation as a fence-sitter. He suggests "fence dancer" or "fence warrior." You don't always deserve to be bestowed with those honorable titles, of course. Sometimes you really do molder there in your intermediate position, paralyzed by indecision and unable to do what's in the best interests of anyone, including yourself. But on other occasions -- like now -- you have the power to use your in-between status dynamically, coordinating the opposing interests to work as a whole that's greater than the sum of the parts.

Grace emerges in the ebb and flow, not just the flow. The waning reveals a different blessing than the waxing. Where are you in the great cycle of your life? For inspiration in figuring it all out, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Many people sincerely think that they will be called before God to account for themselves on Judgment Day. If you yourself have held that belief, you can stop worrying about it. The fact is, according to a survey of over 800 dissident bodhisattvas, urban witch doctors, sacred agents, and undercover geniuses, that you are called before "God" on Judgment Day on a regular basis.

Since you still exist, you have apparently passed every test so far. "God" obviously keeps finding you worthy. You shouldn't get overconfident, of course. But maybe from now on you can assume that although there may be a world of pressure on you, that pressure is natural, merciful, and exactly what you need.

Try this experiment: For seven days, see what it feels like to be secure in your knowledge that you have passed the tests of Judgment Day many, many times.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"I cannot seem to feel alive unless I am alert," wrote author Charles Bowden, "and I cannot feel alert unless I push past the point where I have control." Yikes! That's a pretty extreme approach. But I suggest that you consider trying it out in the coming week. If you hope to seize even one of the multiple opportunities that are swirling in your vicinity, you will need both supreme focus and a loosey-goosey willingness to respond to novelty. So don't tense up and blank out and try to wrestle the mysterious flows into submission. Use your sixth sense to find the groove, and relax into it.

Whether it's your time to ferment in the shadows or sing in the sun, fresh power to transform yourself is on the way. Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become. For more help in understanding it all, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Writing on Salon.com, Scott Rosenberg recalled how in his youth he loved to play the fantasy role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons. "You'd have to choose not one but two 'alignments' for your character," he mused. "Good and evil, of course, but also 'law' and 'chaos.' And among the people I ran with, 'chaotic/good' was the thing to be, because it let you trust other people and still have fun."

Try out the "chaotic/good" approach for the character you play in your actual life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried," said Winston Churchill. He was defending his favorite political system, asserting that its imperfections are superior to the flaws of monarchy, plutocracy, anarchy, theocracy, and the rest. I invite you to use a similar gauge as you evaluate the belief system that's at the center of your life. Does it sometimes lead you astray, cause you to see things that aren't really there, and fill you with confusion -- but in ways that are more life-enhancing than any other belief system you know of? Or is your belief system actually kind of toxic? Should you consider replacing it with another set of organizing principles? If it's the latter, now would be a good time to begin making a change.

You can learn to be lucky. It's not a mystical force you're born with, but a habit you can develop. How? For starters, be open to new experiences, trust your gut wisdom, expect good fortune, see the bright side of challenging events, and master the art of maximizing serendipitous opportunities. For more help, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The water you drink is three billion years old, give or take five million years. The stuff your body is made of is at least 10 billion years old, probably older, and has been as far away as 100,000 light-years from where it is right now. The air you breathe has, in the course of its travels, been literally everywhere on the planet, and has slipped in and out of the lungs of almost every human being who has ever lived.

Would you act differently if you had a visceral sense of how eternal and infinite you are? What unprecedented behavior might you express? Visualize a waking dream in which you remember the water you floated in three billion years ago. Imagine you can see the light that shone on you 100,000 light-years ago.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Connie Post, my beloved former editor at the Dayton Daily News, sent me a haiku-like poem that I'd like you to ponder: "November trees / which are living? / which are dead?" I'm hoping this will put you in the mood to mull over an even bigger question, namely: What parts of your own life are withering and what parts are thriving? In my astrological opinion, it's very important that you know the difference, and act accordingly.

Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? For inspiration, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"If everything seems under control," said auto racer Mario Andretti, "you're probably not moving fast enough." I second that emotion. It applies to the entire human race, which is swirling through evolutionary tipping points at an accelerating speed. But it's doubly apropos for you spiritual freedom fighters and renegade bodhisattvas, because you're the vanguard shock troops fighting to merge heaven with earth.

For your edification and amusement, we will add three corollaries to Andretti's wisdom: 1. If you're not pretty much always half-confused, most likely you're not thinking deeply enough. 2. If you're not feeling forever amazed, maybe you're not seeing wildly enough. 3. The truth is fluid, slippery, vagrant, scrambled, promiscuous, kaleidoscopic, and outrageously abundant.

How might you go about using these tricks to marinate yourself in a gentle state of ecstasy pretty much all the time?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Numerologists say the number 10 signifies completion, wholeness, totality. It could rightly serve as your lucky number in the coming weeks -- a symbol of your power to draw long-term processes to a climax on your own terms. But you might also want to consider using 11 as your emblem of good mojo. That number denotes the drive to surpass the success you've earned before -- to transcend easy triumphs and conventional wisdom so as to reach for a more challenging conquest. Either way, Aquarius, I think you'll be flying high for the foreseeable future, so there's no need to worry about which way you should go. If you do choose 11, the risks will be somewhat greater and the rewards more interesting.

When they say "Be yourself," which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage. So which self is it? For guidance, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Question: Which part of you is too tame, overcivilized, and super-domesticated, and what are you going to do about it?

Answer, from a reader named Jason R.: "I was like a mole in a suburban backyard. I had just one little path I trod each day: to the compost pile and back. I chewed on orange rinds and leftover cabbage. I was tamed by the comfort of my familiar environment, content to have a narrow vision. But then I was eaten by a hawk, and became part of a wild, free body. Now I perch on the tops of trees and the peaks of roofs. I survey giddy-wide horizons, from the river to the mesa and far beyond. I have a wealth of choices. Where to fly? What to hunt? Who are my allies? My thoughts breathe deep, like the slow explosion of sun on the morning lake."

How would you answer the same question?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In Moby Dick, Herman Melville suggested that ideally a person should be a "patriot to heaven." Poet Gary Snyder wrote, "I pledge allegiance to the soil / one ecosystem / in diversity / under the sun / with joyful interpenetration for all." Seminal environmentalist Edward Abbey said, "My loyalties will not be bound by national borders . . . or limited in the spiritual dimension by one language or culture. I pledge my allegiance to the damned human race, and my everlasting love to the green hills of Earth, and my intimations of glory to the singing stars, to the very end of space and time." I recommend you experiment with this perspective in the coming weeks, Pisces. You don't have to tone down your love for your tribe or country. Just see if you can expand your sense of belonging . . . extend the borders of your comfort zone . . . and feel at home everywhere you go.

Take inventory of the extent that "No" dominates your life. Notice how often you say or think: 1. "That's not right." 2. "I don't like that." 3. "I don't agree with that." 4. "They don't like me." 5. "I'm not very good." 6. "That should be different from what it is." For help in retraining yourself to say "Yes!" at least 51% of the time, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you."

Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, how can you fix that?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.