In the Chinese province of Fujian, there used to be people who believed they could communicate directly with the dead. If they slept on the grave of the person they wished to reach, their dreams during the night might lead to a meeting with the spirit of the departed. I propose that you consider something similar, Aries. Why? Because according to my reading of the astrological omens, you would benefit from communing with your ancestors. If you can't actually spend the night near their final resting place, find another way to contact them in dreams. Put their photos under your pillow, maybe, or hold one of their beloved objects as you sleep. Halloween costume suggestion: the ancestor whose influence you need most right now.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The force of gravity is omnipresent, even though it can't be seen, heard, or touched, and almost no one can explain it. There ­wasn't even a word for it until the 17th century, when Isaac Newton discovered it and named it after the Latin term gravitas, meaning "heaviness" or "seriousness."

As you deepen your inquiries into pronoia, you may enjoy a similar breakthrough. Can you imagine what it would feel like to become aware of an omnipresent ocean of wild divine love that has always been a secret to you in the same way that the sea is invisible to a fish?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In an exhibition at New York's Museum of Modern Art, performance artist Marina Abramovic stared into the eyes of a succession of different strangers for 700 hours. Actresses Marisa Tomei and Isabella Rossellini were among those who received her visual probes, as well as 1,400 less famous folks. I think it would be fun for you to do a variation on her ritual, Taurus. In your case, you wouldn't do it to show off or to prove an artistic point, but rather to get closer to the allies with whom you'd like to develop a deeper bond. Are you up for some deep eye gazing? Halloween costume suggestion: a mystic seer; a god or goddess with a third eye; a superhero whose power is X-ray vision.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
I was watching a martial arts competition on ESPN TV. It featured a vehement macho dance-off, in which rivals took turns brandishing their high-octane warrior choreography. At one point the announcer waxed poetic as the eventual winner pulled off a seemingly impossible move: "And that was a corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin!"

I urge you to do something like that yourself. As you seek to take your game to a higher level, practice your personal version of the corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Have you ever seen the edible fungi known as truffles? They are bulbous, warty clumps. Because they grow underground near trees, specially trained pigs and dogs are needed to sniff out their location. In parts of Europe their taste is so highly prized that they can sell for up to $6,000 per pound. In my opinion, the truffle should be your metaphor of the month this November. I expect that you will be in the hunt for an ugly but delectable treasure, or a homely but valuable resource, or some kind of lovable monster. Halloween costume suggestion: a Frankensteinian beauty queen or underwear model, a rhino in a prom dress, a birthday cake made of lunchmeat.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
What's true about the word "God" may apply as well to "soul": Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It's a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say "soul" and you're liable to numb your listeners' attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That's a shame, because the eminence that's lazily referred to as "soul" is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart.

"If you need to visualize the soul," wrote Tom Robbins, "think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It's a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved."

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab's ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we're pleased to present some alternate designations for "soul." See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus.

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms.

P.S. Here's Robbins' conclusion: "By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Don't try harder, Cancerian; try easier. Don't turn your focus into a white-hot beam of piercing intensity; relax your focus into a soft-eyed enjoyment of playing around with the possibilities. Don't tense your sphincter, marshal your warrior ferocity, and stir up your righteous anger at how life refuses to conform to your specifications; rather, send waves of tenderness through your body, open your heart to the experiment of blending your energy with life's unpredictable flow, and marvel at the surprising revelations and invitations that are constantly flowing your way. Halloween costume suggestions: Mr. Smooth, Ms. Velvet, Dr. Groovalicious, DJ Silky.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. Chemist John Walker invented the match. Physicist Wilhelm Röentgen was the first person to find out about X-rays.

What do these great minds have in common? They all refused to take out patents in connection with their innovations, believing they shouldn't make any profit on something that should belong to everyone.

Try giving away some of your brilliance for free.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"I wanted to change the world," said writer Aldous Huxley. "But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself." I suggest you adopt that as your operative hypothesis, Leo. Maybe in a few weeks it'll make sense for you to shower your loved ones with advice, and maybe you'll eventually get re-inspired to save humanity from its foolish ways. But for now your assignment is to fix, refine, and recalibrate your own beautifully imperfect self. Halloween costume suggestion: hermit, anarchist, keeper of a gorgeous diary, do-it-yourself brain surgeon.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The iconoclastic physicist Jack Sarfatti proposes that all "creative thought by artists, craftsmen, and scientists involves the subconscious reception of ideas from the future, which literally create themselves."

Beauty and Truth Lab researcher Vimala Blavatsky puts a different spin on it. "Our future selves are constantly transmitting great ideas to us back through time," she says, "but most of us don't believe that's possible and consequently are not alert for it."

What do you think is the most pressing communiqué your future self is currently beaming your way?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In last May's national election, none of Britain's three political parties got a majority. For a while, the country had no leader. Eventually, the rightwing Conservatives and the leftwing Liberal Democrats formed a weird coalition, making Conservative David Cameron the Prime Minister. Some people had mixed feelings about the deal. "I said it was like a cross between a bulldog and chihuahua," London's mayor announced, "but what I meant is it will have a fantastic hybrid vigor." I suspect that a certain merger you have in the works, Virgo, could yield similar feelings. Halloween costume suggestion: half-bulldog, half-chihuahua; part hummingbird, part-crocodile; equal mix of Gandhi and Napoleon.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
In the Greek epic The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe, who uses her magic to transform the men into pigs. Later, though, she changes them back into men -- only they're younger and taller and better-looking than before they were pigs.

Tell an analogous story from your own life: an experience in which you were turned into a pig for a while, and became a more robust version of yourself when the spell was broken.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Five white tigers at a Chinese wild animal park became way too tame for their own good. Maybe they'd hung around humans too long or their lifestyle was too cushy. Whatever the reason, one of their essential instincts atrophied. A zookeeper put live chickens into their habitats, hoping they would pounce and devour, but instead they retreated as if unnerved. Tigers scared of chickens?! Since then the zoo officials have been taking measures to boost the big cats' bravado. I bring this to your attention, Libra, because I'm worried you might be headed in the tigers' direction. Undomesticate thyself! Halloween costume suggestion: a big fierce creature.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Contrary to what the Bible says, it won't be the meek who shall inherit the Earth. On the other hand, the arrogant power mongers won't collect the legacy either. Neither the indecisive wimps nor the acquisitive bullies will contribute much to creating the New Earth.

Who, then, will inherit the Earth? What kind of human beings are best-equipped to thrive in the evolving game of life? We say it will be the well-disciplined pleasure-seekers who are in vigorous dialogue with their own dark sides, who balance the masculine and feminine aspects of their natures, and who master the fine arts of working at their play and playing at their work.

Assume our definitions are true. What would you do to become more like an inheritor of the Earth?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You could really use your own personal doorman or doorwoman -- someone who would accompany you everywhere you go and help you gain entrance through the portals you encounter. In my vision of what you require, this assistant would go further. He or she would find secret camouflaged doors for you, and do the equivalent of uttering Ali Baba's magic words "Open Sesame!" He or she would even create doors for you, allowing you to penetrate obstacles -- going into carpenter mode and fashioning a passageway for you right on the spot. If you can't find anyone to fulfill this role for you, do it yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a doorman or doorwoman; a gatekeeper from a fairy tale.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
In an article about storytellers in the Los Angeles Times, Leslie Berger profiled a high school teacher named Luigi Jannuzzi. "He once saved the life of a student who was choking on a Life Saver," Berger wrote, "and thus discovered his own gift of gab: He told the kid a joke so funny that his laughter popped the candy out of his throat."

Make up a story in which your sense of humor saves someone's life.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Is the highest form of courage embodied in a soldier fighting during a war? Irish poet William Butler Yeats didn't think so. He said that entering into the abyss of one's deep self is equally daring. By my astrological reckoning, that will be the location of your greatest heroism in the days ahead. Your most illuminating and productive adventures will be the wrestling matches you have with the convulsive, beautiful darkness you find inside yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a peaceful warrior.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care

Name three things you can do to promote pronoia in yourself by taking better care of your body.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The average spammer sends out 12,414,000 emails before snagging the money of just one gullible dupe. You're not going to have to be quite that prolific in order to get the word out about what you have to offer, but you'll have to be pretty persistent. Fortunately, to improve your odds and raise your chances of success, all you have to do is purify your intentions. So please check in with your deep self and make sure that your gift or idea or product or service has impeccable integrity. Halloween costume suggestion: a holy salesperson; an angel hawking real estate in paradise; a TV infomercial spokesperson for free cake.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Rural communities in southern Louisiana celebrate Mardi Gras with even more anarchistic exuberance than the festivities that take place in New Orleans. Roving gangs of masked revelers stop cars and good-naturedly demand money and gifts from drivers. Clowns with feathered headdresses knock on people's doors after midnight begging for ingredients to make gumbo. Mardi Gras out in the sticks "is a lot like tickling," says professor of folklore, Barry Ancelet. "When you get tickled it makes you laugh, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable."

Is there anything that incites both your laughter and your discomfort? Perhaps a thorny opportunity you have the privilege of suffering from? A prickly advantage that makes your blood boil and sing simultaneously? An awkward gratification that fuels your ambition to become the person you were born to be?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Sunlight may smell spicy or musky to you these days. The wind might have a flavor like chocolate liqueur or a ripe peach. The hum of the earth as it turns may sound like a symphony you heard once in a dream. Your body? Electric. Your soul? Sinewy. In other words, Aquarius magic is afoot. The hills are alive with future memories that taste delicious. Your feet will touch sacred ground far more than usual. Halloween costume suggestion: a character from a film that changed your life for the better.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the middle of the last century, avant-garde filmmaker Kenneth Anger threw a masquerade party called "Come as Your Madness." One of the invited guests was the Piscean writer Anais Nin. She appeared as the ancient fertility goddess Astarte, but with an unexpected wrinkle: She wore a birdcage over her head. This Halloween I urge you to be inspired by Nin's decision to portray her madness as a goddess, but reject Nin's decision to cage the head of her mad goddess. Find a disguise that allows you to embody the best and most beautiful part of your craziness, and let it roam free.

Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation. One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here. If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES or daily text message 'scopes.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
I'm smarter in some places than in others. In Florence, Amsterdam, and Milwaukee, my IQ is off the charts. In Munich, Madrid, and Washington, D.C., I'm rather dull-witted. Even in Northern California, where I usually live, some spots are more conducive to my higher brain functioning. I'm an idiot on Market Street in San Francisco, whereas I'm awash in wise insights whenever I set foot on Mt. Tamalpais.

What's this about? The specialized branch of astrology called astrocartography would say that the full potentials of my horoscope are more likely to emerge in certain power spots. What about you? Wander around and test to see where you feel most in tune with your deep brilliance.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.