"There's one ultimate goal during sex," says Cosmopolitan magazine, a renowned source of erotic guidance for women. That is "to be as sensually stimulated as possible." I don't quite agree with that assessment. Having emotionally pleasing fun should also be an important consideration, as well as creating a playful ambiance and invoking spiritual grace. But sensual stimulation is good, too. So what, in the view of Cosmopolitan, is the key to cultivating maximum bliss? "Having lots of steamy info at your disposal." That's definitely sound advice for you right now, Aries. You're in a favorable phase for finding out more about everything that will enhance your access to delight, including the sexual kind.

Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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I hope you can obtain the Avatar Elixir stashed in the golden obelisk in the underground fortress beneath the glass mountain. It will allow you to produce the "triple-helix" energy that will give you the power to cross freely back and forth through the gateway between universes. Then wild beasts will obey your commands. Rivers will become your allies. Every star in the sky will shine directly on you. And if for some reason you're not able to get your hands on that Avatar Elixir, you may be able to achieve similar results by drinking a bottle of beer stashed in the lower left rear section of the beverage cooler at a convenience store within five miles of your home.

Magic might be wherever you think it is.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When the tide is coming in, the creek I live next to flows vigorously toward the south. When the tide's going out, the water reverses its course and heads swiftly north. Every day, there's an in-between time when the creek seems confused. Some currents creep south and others slink north, while here and there eddies whirl in circles. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, Taurus, you are temporarily in a phase that resembles my creek's time of contrary flows. It's a perfectly natural place to be.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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After rejecting proposals from many directors, Bob Dylan finally authorized Oscar-nominated Todd Haynes to make a film about his life, I'm Not There. Five different actors and one actress portrayed Dylan, including Richard Gere, Cate Blanchett, Marcus Carl Franklin, Heath Ledger, Ben Whishaw, and Christian Bale. "I set out to explode the idea that anybody can be depicted in a single self," Haynes told The Sunday Times.

Name the six actors and actresses you would choose to play you in the movie about your life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In fifth grade I was in love with Calley, who was the by far prettiest girl in the school. Sadly, she didn't return my affection, so I had to be content with adoring her from afar. Eventually I moved away and lost touch. Since then I've wondered if she suffered the fate that befalls too many gorgeous women: relying so entirely on her looks to make her way in the world that she never developed many skills. But recently I tracked Calley down via Google and discovered that she had beaten the curse: She has carved out a career as an activist bringing first-rate education to poor children. My question to you is this, Gemini: Are there any qualities you regarded as assets earlier in your life but that eventually turned into liabilities? Any strengths that became weaknesses? And what are you doing to adjust? It's a good time to address these themes.

How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Lewis Thomas was a physician who wrote elegantly about biology in books like The Lives of a Cell. I want to bring your attention to his meditation on warts. "Nothing in the body has so much the look of toughness and permanence as a wart," he wrote. And yet "they can be made to go away by something that can only be called thinking ... Warts can be ordered off the skin by hypnotic suggestion." Thomas regarded this phenomenon as "absolutely astonishing, more of a surprise than cloning or recombinant DNA."

Using your mind power, go ahead and shrink, dissolve, or banish a wart or wart-like vexation.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Think back to the last half of 1998. What was going on in your life back then? According to my astrological projections, you were probably carrying out experiments in a wild frontier . . . or getting your mind rearranged by rousing teachings and provocative revelations . . . or breaking through artificial limits that had been quashing your freedom . . . or all of the above. Now you've come around again to a similar phase of your grand cycle. Are you ready for action? If you'd like to gather up all the grace flowing in your vicinity, start having fun with escapes, experiments, and expansions.

Sometimes it's a challenge to try to figure out what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"I am a devout atheist," writes Tom of Ohio, "but I have to explain to my atheist friends that I do pray to the 'GodIdontbelievein.'

"My first direct contact with this Divinity arrived when I was coming out of anesthesia after surgery. I was somehow aware of my existence but totally ­sensory-deprived. As I emerged from total unconsciousness, a tiny flickering Tinkerbell-like creature in the form of a shimmering globe of light fluttered into my consciousness and hovered irresistibly before my internal eyes. I was in love with it and it loved me.

"In fact it was me, or at least the manifestation of cosmic energy that settles in me and is my being. It gave me a blessing of good will, then went about its business of operating my body. In parting, it gave me the assurance that it would always be there for me and with me, and would join me after it shut the body down for the last time.

"Since that first encounter, I commune with the little sparkling wonder every so often. I thank it for its presence and it thanks me for mine, though we are actually one and the same. I find myself praying to it, though there's really no need to -- it knows me better than I do, and guides me toward my goals, though I know not what they are."

Inspired by Tom's report, write a love note or an expression of appreciation for the shimmering globe of wonder that animates your life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"I wish I treated my feet with the same tender loving care as I do my face," wrote Catherine Saint Louis in The New York Times. "But I don't." She quotes a study that says more than half of all women are embarrassed about their feet, and notes that Facebook has many "I Hate Feet" groups. You Leos can't afford to be under this spell right now. Even more than usual, it's crucial for you to be well-grounded. So I suggest you maneuver yourself into a state of mind where earthiness is beautiful and appealing to you. Find ways to celebrate your body and improve your relationship with it. How to start? Love your feet better.

How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Meditation teacher Wes Nisker helps students learn to calm the frenetic chatter of their minds. As earnest as he is in this heroic work, though, he also appreciates the importance of not trying too hard. As you pursue your pronoia practice, call on his influence now and then. It'll keep you honest and prevent your anal sphincter from getting too high-strung.

Here's a blurb for one of his workshops. "This day will be of absolutely no use to you. Nothing will be furthered or accomplished by coming. Expect a time of effortlessness, relaxation, and poetry, hanging out, maybe a little mindfulness meditation -- all for nothing. Some might understand this as a protest against our culture's speedy, goal-driven nature, but we know it won't amount to a hill of beans. Good intentions and purposefulness must be checked at the door."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

At this phase of my life, I'm not canvassing door-to-door asking people to donate money to save old growth forests. I'm not a member of groups fighting for an end to the war in Afghanistan or agitating in behalf of animal rights. My struggle for social and environmental justice is waged primarily through the power of my writing. I subscribe to the attitude of author Ingrid Bengis, who said, "Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change." In the coming weeks, I suggest you increase your awareness of how you could transform your world with the power of your language. Is it possible to increase your clout through the way you communicate?

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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At New York's Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh's painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In the weeks ahead, Libra, you're going to be tested on your follow-through. People will want you to work harder on what has previously come fairly easily. You will be pressured to make good on your promises; you'll be asked to refine the details that are central to the success of the good new ideas that are floating around. As much as you might be tempted to slip away and fly off in pursuit of things that are more fun, I encourage you to stick with the program. You can't imagine how important it is for you to learn how to be a more committed builder.

How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"I usually solve problems by letting them devour me," wrote Franz Kafka. That's an interesting approach, I guess, and though it might work for a tiny minority of introverted, melancholy, hypersensitive artists, it's probably not a wise policy for you. It may be better to fervently resist any temptation you might have to allow your problems to gobble you up."

Instead, why not be like a gargantuan sea monster in the midst of a perfect storm? Rise up as high as the dark sky and growl back at the thunder. Shoot flames from your mouth at the lightning. Become too big and ancient and wild to ever be devoured.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"If you're strong enough there are no precedents," said novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald. I think that describes you in the immediate future, Scorpio. I bet you won't have to answer to ghosts or pay homage to the way things have always been done. You'll be free to ignore icons that the conventional wisdom idolizes, and there'll be no need for you to give undeserved respect to experts who have stopped being relevant. By my astrological reckoning, you will be so smart and plucky and energetic that you can work wonders simply by emptying your mind, starting from scratch, and making things up as you go along.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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In the film Fight Club, the character played by Brad Pitt storms into a convenience store with a gun, then herds the clerk out back and threatens to execute him. While the poor man quivers in terror, Pitt asks him questions about himself, extracting the confession that he'd once wanted to be a veterinarian but dropped out of school. After a few minutes, Pitt frees the clerk without harming him, but says that unless he takes steps to return to veterinary school in the next six weeks, he will hunt him down and kill him.

In my opinion, that's an overly extreme way to motivate someone to do what's good for him. I wish I could come up with a less shocking approach to coax you into resuming the quest for your deferred dreams. Can you think of anything?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Scientists have discovered an exotic animal that feeds on the bones of dead whales lying on the ocean floor. Known informally as the bone-eating snot-flower worm, it looks like a frilly pink plume growing up out of sheer bone. Believe it or not, Sagittarius, you could take a cue from this creature in the coming weeks. It will be a favorable time for you to draw sustenance from the skeletal remains of big things that were once vital.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"The important thing," said French critic Charles Du Bos, "is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

Did he really mean at any moment? Like while we're in a convenience store buying a magazine? While we're lying in bed ready for sleep and reviewing the events of the day? While we're adrift in apathetic melancholy, watching too much TV and neglecting our friends? At any moment?! I say yes. At all times and in all places be ready to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

What is the wild and instinctual nature? Radiance magazine posed that question to storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Here's her reply: "to establish territory, to find one's pack, to be in one's body with certainty and pride regardless of the body's gifts and limitations, to speak and act in one's behalf, to be aware, alert, to draw on the innate feminine powers of intuition and sensing, to come into one's cycles, to find what one belongs to." I would love to see you specialize in these wild and instinctual arts in the coming weeks, Capricorn. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you are ready to tap into the deeper reserves of your animal intelligence. Your body is primed to make you very smart about what you need and how to get what you need.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Lie on your back with your arms outstretched and have a friend measure the distance from the tip of one middle finger to the other. Do you have a wingspan similar to that of a hawk? Eagle? Osprey? The mythical thunderbird? Pterodactyl? Close your eyes and visualize yourself hovering and swooping above the treetops. What do you see below you?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When I think of the extraordinary feats of strength you will be capable of in the coming weeks, my mind turns to a Chinese martial artist named Dong Changsheng. Last May, he attached one end of a rope to his eyelids and the other end to a small airplane, then pulled the thousand-pound load 15 feet in a minute. I don't think your demonstration of power will be as literal as his, and I suspect it will be more useful and meaningful. But in certain respects it could be just as amazing.

Need more help in figuring out the riddles life is bringing you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Russian scientists have discovered gold deposits in the dust of decayed tree stumps. The phenomenon occurs in forests growing in ground where there is gold ore. Over the course of centuries, the trees' roots suck in minute quantities of the precious metal, eventually accumulating nuggets.

Describe a metaphorically comparable process you could carry out in your own life over the course of the next 20 years. What invisible part of you is like a tree's roots? What's the gold you'd like to suck up?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Scottish scientists decided to see if they could find evidence for the existence of the Loch Ness monster. They took a research submarine down into the murky depths, scanning with sonar. The prehistoric creature was nowhere in sight, but a surprising discovery emerged: Thousands of golf balls litter the bottom of the loch, presumably because the place has been used as an unofficial driving range for years. I predict that you will soon experience a reverse version of this sequence, Pisces: You will go in search of your personal equivalent of lost golf balls -- some trivial treasure -- but on the way you will have a brush with a living myth.

What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Visualize in detail your dream lover . . . your ideal soul mate . . . the embodiment of everything you find attractive.

Imagine that although this person feels the same way about you, there is a very good reason why the two of you can't make love or be together as a couple for a long time. Feel the sweet torment of your unquenched longing for each other, the impossible ache of fiery ­tenderness.

Picture all the ways you will work on yourself in the coming years to refine your soul and perfect your love, so that when the two of you can finally be united, you will have made yourself into the gorgeous genius you were born to be -- a pure blessing and uncanny gift for your beloved.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.