If you'd like to be in supreme alignment with cosmic rhythms this week, I suggest that you completely avoid using the f-word. Likewise, you'll maximize your chances for taking advantage of fate's currents if you refrain from ever using the s-word, the c-word, the m-word, and the b-word. As a general rule, the more precise and the less lazy you are in using language, the more willpower you'll have and the better able you'll be to attract the experiences you want. It's always invigorating to choose your words creatively and kindly, of course, but especially now.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The phrase "new roses" can serve as an antidote to neurosis -- as a kind of magical spell. You might invoke it when you're in danger of getting undermined by either your own neurosis or someone else's.

If you notice, for instance, that your subconscious mind is spiraling down into a sour fantasy stirred up by one of your habitual fears, you could mutter a cheerful round of "new roses, new roses, new roses."

If your allies slip into the same compulsive behavior that they tend to get stuck in whenever stress overflows, you could chant "new roses, new roses, new roses" in a tuneful, affectionate tone.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you grow a mere acre of peanuts, in a good year you'll harvest a big enough crop to make 30,000 peanut butter sandwiches. That might be more than you need. If you just plant enough peanuts to fill a basketball court, you'll still have enough to make over 3,200 sandwiches, which would provide you with more than eight every day for a year. This is a good phase of your astrological cycle to be thinking thoughts like these, Taurus. You will have more insight and motivation than usual if you formulate long-term plans to create abundance for yourself.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. Through some magic you don't fully understand, you're still breathing and your heart is beating, even though you've been unconscious for many hours. The air is a mix of gases that's just right for your body's needs, as it was before you fell asleep.

You can see! Light of many colors floods into your eyes, registered by nerves that took God or evolution or some process millions of years to perfect. The interesting gift of these vivid hues is made possible by an unimaginably immense globe of fire, the sun, which continually detonates nuclear reactions in order to convert its own body into light and heat and energy for your personal use.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

As they orbit the planet, astronauts witness as many as 15 sunrises and sunsets each day. Time isn't really sped up for them, but it seems like it. I expect you to experience a similar feeling in the coming weeks, Gemini. You may have the fantasy that you're living the equivalent of four days every 24 hours. The light will be brighter, the emotions richer, and the teachings more highly concentrated. If you give yourself to the surge with relaxed enthusiasm and focused receptivity, your evolution will be expedited.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: I was wondering if you had any information about Beyonders, people who were born under no star and who are therefore not ruled by the stars. - Wannabe Beyonder

Dear Wannabe: It's impossible to be born under no star. However, we all go through periods when we're relatively free from the authority of the stars we were born under and therefore immune from cosmic compulsion. During these times, we're less susceptible to the whims of fate and the demands of the past and the inertia of karma. Our willpower has more breathing room, and we're more likely to fulfill Einstein's dictum, "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I think you're ready to stand up and reclaim your power from the soul-sucking influences that have been swindling you. But you don't have to turn this showdown into a melodramatic epic that brings down the house or blows up the world. In fact, I think it's better if you stay low-key as you transform the dynamics that have been grinding you down. The adjustments may be nowhere near as major as you imagine. Why? Because most of what you need to do is make shifts in your own attitude. The necessary changes in outer circumstances will arise naturally once you've done that.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Of the many things that have gone right for you during your time on Earth, the most crucial was your birth. As you crossed over the threshold, trading the warm dark sanctuary for the bright noisy enigma, you didn't die! It was a difficult act of high magic that involved many people who worked very hard in your behalf. The skills they provided in helping you navigate your rite of passage were in turn made possible by previous generations of threshold-tenders who bequeathed their expertise.

Months before that initiation, a more secret miracle bloomed: Your life began as a single cell, spawned by the explosive fusion of two highly specialized bundles of chromosomes. How could that tiny package of raw material have possibly grown a brain and liver and heart and stomach over a period of a few months? What inscrutable genius guided and oversaw the emergence of your fully formed infant body, that virtuoso creation, from the slimmest of clues?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If I were writing the story of your life as a fairy tale, the current chapter would be filled with enchanted events. You'd hear animals' thoughts in your head and you'd remember your past lives. You'd be able to find accurate oracles in the shapes of clouds, the ringing of distant bells, and the patterns of shadows on the sidewalk. You would see the help that's invisible to everyone else and know what to do in order to get the love you want. Take advantage of the available mojo, Leo. Use it to set people free, including yourself.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
You can drink a glass of water. You can spread butter on a slice of toast. You can wash your hair and prune your plants and draw infinity signs on a piece of paper. Your hands work wonderfully well! Their intricate force and sustained grace are amply supported by your heart, which circulates your blood all the way out to replenish the energy of the muscles and nerves in your fingers and palms and wrists. After your blood has delivered its blessings, it finds its way back to your heart to be refreshed. This masterful mystery repeats itself over and over again without you ever having to think about it.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

How skilled are you at getting things done and making things happen? This is different from just being busy; it's not the same as scrambling around attending to whatever tasks are at the forefront of your attention. I'm talking about actually cranking out excellent results that manifest a comprehensive vision of your intentions. I'm talking about working hard and smart to serve the big picture, not working frenetically and mechanically to rid yourself of nervous mental energy. You're in a phase when these themes are especially important, Virgo. Be a master of the details; don't let the details master you.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Your imagination may be the best gift you've been given. It's the source of your creative power. If there's a particular experience or object you want to bring into your life, the first thing you've got to do is visualize it. The practical actions you take to manifest your dreams always refer back to the pictures in your mind's eye. And so every goal you fulfill, every quest you carry out, begins as an inner vision. Your imagination is the engine of your destiny. It's the catalyst with which you design your future. Do you know where it comes from? Do you have any idea how powerful it is?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In her essay "Write Till You Drop," author Annie Dillard offers advice to aspiring writers. I'm going to quote a certain passage that happens to be apropos for you Libras right now. "Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for later . . . give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you."

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
May you eat an unfamiliar dessert in a strange land at least once every three years.

May you wake up to salsa music one summer morning and start dancing while you're still half-­asleep.

May you spray-paint Rilke poems as graffiti on highway overpasses.

May you mix stripes with plaids, floral patterns with checks, and yellowish-green with brownish-purple.

May you learn to identify by name 20 flowers, 15 trees, 10 clouds and one extrasolar planet.

May you put a bumper sticker on your car or bike that says, "My god can kick your god's ass!"

If you bury your face in your tear-stained pillow and beg God to please send you your soul mate, may you not slur your words in such a way that they sound like "cell mate."

May you dream of taking a trip to the moon in a gondola powered by firecrackers and wild swans.

May you actually kiss the earth now and then.

May you find many good excuses to say, as physicist Niels Bohr once did, "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In a Rolling Stone interview, musician John Mayer suggested that Tiger Woods could have avoided his terrible troubles if he had just chosen to masturbate more. Rather than literally acting out his obsessive sexual urges with a jillion women who weren't his wife, why not contain them in the fantasy realm? I suggest you consider applying this principle as you make your decisions in the coming weeks, Scorpio -- not just in regards to your sexual life, but in other areas as well. There may be times when you could prevent an influx of unnecessary chaos simply by conducting a conversation in your imagination rather than by having it with the actual person who seems to be agitating or enthralling you.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Have you ever been loved? I bet you have been loved so much and so deeply that you have become blasé about the enormity of the grace it confers. So let me remind you: To be loved is a privilege and prize equivalent to being born. If you're smart, you pause regularly to bask in the astonishing knowledge that there are many people out there who care for you and want you to thrive and hold you in their thoughts with fondness.

Animals, too: You have been the recipient of their boundless affection. The spirits of allies who've left this world continue to send their tender regards, as well. Do you "believe" in angels and other divine beings? Whether or not you do, I can assure you that there are hordes of them beaming their uncanny consecrations your way. You are awash in torrents of love.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There are very few people who can lick their own elbows, and up until now you have probably not been one of them. Judging from the current astrological configurations, however, I'm guessing that a lot of you Sagittarians are about to be more flexible, limber, and acrobatic than usual -- not just in your mental attitudes but possibly even in your physical abilities. At least metaphorically speaking, you'll be able to bend over backwards without damaging your dignity. You could also stretch and twist yourself into poses that have previously been impossible. So who knows? Maybe you'll find a way to plant a kiss on your own elbow.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Imagine you're with a team of explorers in Antarctica. You're climbing the 2,000-foot granite spire called Rakekniven that thrusts up out of the ice in Queen Maud Land. The temperature is 10 degrees below zero. There's not a plant or animal in sight. The blinding white emptiness of the wasteland beneath you fills you with desolate reverence, alienated awe, and soaring gratitude. You are far from everything that normally gives you comfort.

Why do you feel so good?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The TV comedy series "Community" takes place on the sleepy campus of a community college. It features the hijinks of seven misfits who are older and weirder than their fellow students. In one episode, an inept female security guard chases the lead character, Jeff, hoping to catch and cite him for a farcical misdemeanor. As she races along, shouting for him to stop, she takes out her can of pepper spray and shoots several streams in his direction. The cloud of noxious stuff doesn't reach him, but she runs face-first into it as she continues her pursuit. It irritates her eyes and forces her to halt. Later, in telling her associate what happened, she says she was the victim of "self-inflicted friendly fire." I worry that you'll soon be tempted to carry out a metaphorical version of that, Capricorn. Please don't.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
One of life's bounties is its changeableness, which ensures that boredom will never last very long. You may underestimate the intensity of your longing for continual transformation, but the universe doesn't. That's why it provides you with the boundless entertainment of your ever-shifting story. That's why it is always revising the challenges it sends your way, providing your curious soul with a rich variety of unpredictable teachings.

Neuroscientists have turned up evidence that suggests you love this aspect of the universe's behavior. They say that you are literally addicted to learning. At the moment when you grasp a lesson you've been grappling with, your brain experiences a rush of a natural opium-like chemical, boosting your pleasure levels. You crave this experience. You thrive on it.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Here's how author Leo Buscaglia described the rigorous requirements for being a great lover. You must "continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar, and the fortitude of the certain." I'm sorry to report that no one I've ever known has met those high standards! In the coming weeks, however, you Aquarians will have the potential to get halfway there. Life will conspire to boost every effort you make to be a great lover.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Breathe more like a wild boar and less like a parakeet. Act more like an unfathomable game with no time limit and less like a puzzle with just a few last pieces missing. Shimmer more like the aurora borealis in the early morning sky and less like a furnace heating a mansion. See more like a panther sees and less like your first teacher. Write more fat messages in the mist on the glass, and speak less about the skinny facts you know by heart. Eat more magic cookies and less brain candy.
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Recently I was remembering the names of streets near the house where I grew up in Allen Park, Michigan. Although I didn't register it at the time, they were lyrical, euphonious, and evocative: Philomene, Shenandoah, Osage, Luana, Cleophus, Gahona. As I walked and played on them day after day for years, my imagination breathed in the magic of their exotic sounds, unobtrusively nurturing my poetic sensibilities. I bring this up, Pisces, in the hope of inspiring a comparable rumination in you. Think back on the riches of the past whose importance to your development you may have underestimated. It's a good time to re-connect with the power and glory of influences that brought out the best in you almost without your knowledge.

In addition to the horoscopes I write for you, I offer EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four- to five-minute explorations that go further in uncovering the current state of your destiny. You can sign in and access them here. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, This Is a Perfect Moment.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Try this meditation: Imagine that you are the wood and the fire that consumes the wood.

First, focus your awareness on the part of you that is the wood. You may tremble or gasp, feeling the jolt of your solidity disintegrating, your form changing. As you shift your attention to the part of you that is the fire, you may exult in the wild joy of power and liberation.

It may be tempting to favor the fire over the wood, to love the burning more than the being burned. But if you'd like to understand pronoia in its fullness, you've got to appreciate them equally. Can you imagine yourself being the fire and wood simultaneously? Is it possible for you to experience the deep pleasure of their collaboration?
*
The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.