Hip hop music definitely needs to include more tuba playing. I think that's what's missing from it. Likewise, the sport of skateboarding would benefit from having more dogs and monkeys that can master its complexities; the state of journalism could be improved by including more babies as reporters; and you Aries folks would significantly upgrade your life by learning how to play the game of cricket. (If you believe everything I just said, you'll be equally gullible when a little voice in your head tries to convince you to seek out things you don't really need or adopt behavior that doesn't suit you.)

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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You came into this world as a radiant bundle of exuberant riddles. You slipped into this dimension as a shimmering burst of spiral hallelujahs. You blasted into this realm as a lush explosion of ecstatic gratitude. And it is your birthright to fulfill those promises.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Among the ancient Anglo-Saxons, the month of May was called "Thrimilce." The word referred to the fact that cows were so productive at this time of year that they could be milked three times a day. I thought of that as I studied your current astrological data, Taurus. During this year's Thrimilce, you are almost impossibly fertile and abundant and creative. My advice is to give generously, but not to the point of exhaustion: the equivalent of three times a day, but not four.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Acquiring problems is a fundamental human need. It's as crucial to your well-being as getting food, air, water, sleep, and love. You define yourself -- indeed, you make yourself -- through the puzzling dilemmas you attract and solve. The most creative people on the planet are those who frame the biggest, hardest questions and then gather the resources necessary to find the answers.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In accordance with the astrological omens, I encourage you to seek out a concentrated period of sweet oblivion. Not a numb, narcotized limbo. Not a mournful unconsciousness that's motivated by a depressive urge to give up. No, Gemini: The mental blankness that you cultivate should be generated by a quest to rejuvenate yourself, and it must have qualities of deliciousness and delight. You not only have a need to rest and recharge in a lush nowhere -- you also have the right to do so.

How much do you want to know about your life? How far do you dare to go in your quest for self-mastery? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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In order to live, you've got to be a demolisher. You take plants and animals that were once alive and rip them apart with your teeth, then disintegrate them in your digestive system.

Your body is literally on fire inside, burning up the oxygen you suck into your lungs.

You didn't actually cut down the trees used to make your house and furniture, but you colluded with their demise.

Then there's the psychological liquidation you've done: killing off old beliefs you've outgrown, for instance.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty -- just pointing out that you have a lot of experience with positive expressions of destruction.

Can you think of other forms this magic takes? As an aspiring master of pronoia, it's one of your specialties -- a talent you have a duty to wield with energetic grace
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A while back, I gave my readers this homework: "Tell a story about the time a divine intervention reached down and altered your course in one tricky, manic swoop." A woman named Kelly testified as follows: "At first I was disturbed to find I couldn't identify the last time Spirit descended into my midst with a forceful intervention. But finally I realized why: I have been working to make my whole life be guided by the Spirit of my Higher Power, as a deep undercurrent. That way I don't need bolts of lightening to fix my course." This is a useful lesson, Cancerian. It's an excellent time for you to follow Kelly's lead. Ask yourself how you could cultivate a deep, abiding undercurrent of the good influence you want to have guide you, thereby making lightning bolts of divine intervention unnecessary.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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In her role as DJ Debi Newberry in the film Grosse Pointe Blank, Minnie Driver defines the term shakabuku as a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. That's the kind of jolt you're more likely to get if you've been avoiding the entreaties of your shadow.

But if you send your shadow flowers on special occasions, or periodically give it license to blubber its horrible secrets while sobbing on your lap, it might be more inclined to deliver a whoopibuku, which is a soft spiritual stomp on the toes that inspires you to make a course correction.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The exact height of Mt. Everest has proved challenging to determine. Even using modern scientific methods, different teams of surveyors have come up with varying measurements. The problem is not simply with the calculations themselves. The world's tallest peak is definitely evolving. Shifts in the earth's tectonic plates work to raise it up and move it northeastward. But there's also evidence that the melting of its glaciers due to climate change is causing it to shrink. A member of one mountain climbing expedition said, "If Everest is bobbing up and down, we must hope to catch it on a low day." I bring this to your attention, Leo, in order to offer you a metaphor for the coming weeks. Your version of Mt. Everest is shriveling. Get ready to ascend.

Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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It's a great privilege to live in a free country. You're fortunate if you have the opportunity to pursue your dreams without having to ward off government interference or corporate brainwashing or religious fanaticism.

But that's only partly useful if you have not yet won the most important struggle for liberation, which is the freedom from your own unconscious obsessions and conditioned responses. Becoming an independent agent who's not an unwitting slave to his or her shadow is one of the most heroic feats a human being can accomplish.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Have you been lusting after spiritual traditions other than your own? Have you been fantasizing about cheating on the deity you've always been faithful to, and seeking a taboo liaison with a strange and exciting god from another part of reality? If so, Virgo, that's a good sign. I suspect you could use a few adjustments to your familiar relationship with the Divine Wow. After all, you have gone through a lot of changes since the last time you hammered out your definitive theories about the meaning of life. What made good sense for you back then can't be completely true for you any more. So feel free to let your mind wander in the direction of holy experiments.

Need more help in figuring out the riddles life is bringing you? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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It turns out that some weeds are good for flowers and vegetables, protecting them from predatory insects. So say horticulturalists Stan Finch and Rosemary Collier, writing in Biologist magazine. When the bugs come looking for their special treats -- the plants we love -- they often get waylaid by the weeds, landing on them first and getting fooled into thinking there's nothing more valuable nearby.

So for example, when cabbages are planted in the midst of clover, flies lay eggs on only seven percent of them, compared to a 36 percent infestation rate on cabbages that are grown in bare soil with no clover nearby.

This could be a useful metaphor in working with your own versions of impurities and interlopers. Make sure there are always a few chickweed or henbit weeds surrounding your ripening tomatoes.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

When a girl is born, her ovaries already contain all the eggs she will ever have. What this means, of course, is that a part of you was in your grandmother's womb as well as in your mother's. Now would be an excellent time to celebrate that primal fact. Your connection with your mother's mother is especially important these days. I suggest you meditate on what gifts and liabilities you received from her (genetic and otherwise), and how you might be able to make better use of the gifts even as you take steps to outwit the liabilities.

What fresh blessings will life bring you? What questions should you be asking? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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In the New Earth, it won't be your material wealth that will win you the most bragging points. Nor will it be the important people you know or the deals you've swung or the knowledge you've amassed or your mate's attractiveness.

What will bring you most prestige and praise in the civilization to come will be your success in transmuting the unripe, ignorant, and shameful aspects of your psyche into golden assets that fuel your power to give blessings to the world.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Who is the person most unlike you in the world? I suggest you study that person for tips on how to improve your life. What are the healthy experiences you are least attracted to? You might want to meditate on exactly why they're so unappealing, and use that information to update your ideas about yourself. What are the places on the earth that you long ago decided you would never visit? I invite you to fantasize being in those places and enjoying yourself. Can you guess why I'm calling this Opposite Week, Scorpio?

Want to explore this chapter of your life story even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Some religious traditions teach the doctrine, "Kill off your longings." In their view, attachment to desire is at the root of human suffering. But the religion of materialism takes the opposite tack, asserting that the meaning of life is to be found in indulging desires. Its creed is, "Feed your cravings like a French foie gras farmer cramming eight pounds of maize down a goose's gullet every day."

At the Beauty and Truth Lab, we walk a middle path. We believe there are both degrading desires that enslave you and sacred desires that liberate you. Do you harbor both kinds within yourself? Do you know which are which?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Are you in a trance or a rut or a jam? If so, excuse yourself. It's break time! You need spaciousness. You need slack. You need to wander off and do something different from what you have been doing. If there's any behavior you indulge in with manic intensity, drop it for a while. If you've been caught up in a vortex of excruciating sincerity or torturous politeness, shake it off and be more authentic. Of all the good reasons you have for relaxing your death-grip, here's one of the best: Life can't bring you the sublime gift it has for you until you interrupt your pursuit of a mediocre gift.

You're got more strength and intelligence than you realize. For help in accessing those untapped inner resources, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Like all of us, you have desires for things that you don't really need and aren't good for you. But you shouldn't disparage yourself for having them, nor should you conclude that every desire is tainted.

Rather, think of your misguided longings as the bumbling, amateur expressions of a faculty that will one day be far more expert. They're how you practice as you work toward the goal of becoming a master of desire. It may take a while, but eventually you will get the hang of wanting things that are really good for you, and good for everyone else, too.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The state of Texas is a Capricorn, having become part of the United States on December 29, 1845. At that time, it was granted the right to divide itself into five separate states at some future date. So far it hasn't chosen to do so, and I would advise it to continue that policy. I extend the same counsel to all of my Capricorn readers. From an astrological perspective, this is not a favorable time for you to break yourself up into sub-sections. On the contrary: I suggest you sow unity and solidarity among your various parts.

How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Meditation teacher Jack Kornfield espouses an interesting method for dealing with negative and unwanted thoughts. Don't let them possess you, he says, and don't assume you have to act them out. On the other hand, don't struggle mightily to suppress them, either. Instead, try this: Bow to the offending idea. Acknowledge and admire its power. Express your gratitude and respect to it for galvanizing so much of your psychic energy.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I'm all for recycling, composting, and carpooling. Anything you and I can do to reduce our carbon footprint is brilliant. But I also agree with author Chris Hedges, who says, "The reason the ecosystem is dying is not because we still have a dryer in our basement. It is because corporations look at everything, from human beings to the natural environment, as exploitable commodities. It is because consumption is the engine of corporate profits." So beyond our efforts to save the earth by adjusting our own individual habits, we've got to revise the way corporations work. Now let's apply this way of thinking to the specific personal dilemma you're facing right now: It's important for you to change yourself, yes -- and I'm glad you're taking responsibility for your role in the complications -- but you will also have to transform the system you're part of.

Sometimes it's a challenge to know what's important and what's not important. If you'd like more of my input, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating. Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Every year Americans fork over six times as much money on buying lottery tickets as they do on going to the movies, according to the documentary film *Lucky.* Yet many people who actually buck the improbable odds regard their "luck" as a curse. "Winning the lottery is like throwing Miracle-Gro on all your character defects," said one person. Let this serve as a cautionary tale for you in the coming months, Pisces. To get ready for the good things that are headed your way, you should work to purify any darkness that's lurking in your unconscious.

How well is your imagination working these days? Could it use a boost? A prod? A jolt of inspiration? Try tuning in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. Meanwhile, to get a taste of what my audio offerings are like, listen to my free podcast, Glory in the Highest.

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Imagine this scene. You're really thirsty -- so dehydrated that you're feeling faint. Yet here's the weird thing: You're walking along the bank of a wide river that's so clear you could see the bottom if you looked. But you're not looking. In fact, you seem oblivious to the surging force of nature just a few yards away.

Is it invisible to you? Are you so preoccupied with your suffering that you're blind to the very source that would end your suffering?

Up ahead you see a man. As you approach, you realize he's holding a bottle of water. You run to him and beg him to let you drink. He readily agrees. Gratefully, you guzzle the precious liquid, then thank him profusely.

As you walk away, he calls after you, "By the way, there's a lot more water over there," and he points to the river.

Do you hear him? If you hear him, do you believe him? Or do you keep walking, hoping to find another person with another bottle somewhere up ahead?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.