Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923) was called "the most famous actress the world has ever known." She did a few films in the early days of the cinema, but most of her work was in the theater. At age 70, she played the role of the 13-year-old Juliet in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I commend her on her refusal to act her age, and recommend that you make a comparable effort in the coming weeks. For example, if you're in your twenties, try something you thought you wouldn't do until you were at a very ripe age. If you're over 50, be 25 for a while. It's an excellent time to do this kind of time-traveling.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Beauty and Truth Lab researcher Rebecca Rusche coined the word "careenstable." Here's her explanation of how it originated: "In high school, my mom used to let me use her VW Beetle to go to basketball practice. One night after practice, a friend and I were chatting and drinking Coke when we decided to see how fast we could get the Beetle going down a nearby dirt road. Soon we were careening at 65 mph, shouting 'careen!' every time we hit a bump and flew into the air.

"When we arrived back at the gym and got out of the car half an hour later, we saw my Coke can sitting on the front bumper next to the license plate. I nudged it softly to see if it was lodged in there, but it fell right off -- wasn't stuck at all. I thought, 'There must be a word for this magic,' and thus 'careenstable' was born. It came to mean anything that maintains its poise in the midst of wild, fast movement."

Give an example of how you could experiment with making careenstable work in your own life.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

You might have to use primitive means to accomplish modern wonders. It may be necessary to hearken back to what worked in the past in order to serve the brightest vision of the future. Take your cue from Luis Soriano, a saintly teacher who carries a library of 120 books on the back of a donkey as he meanders around the back country of Colombia, helping poor kids learn how to read.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Sacred is trendy! Among the many recent books that invoke the concept are Sacred Flowers, The Sacred Art of Hunting, Sacred Hoops (about basketball), Sacred Monsters, Sacred Hunger, The Sacred Landscape, and Sacred Sexuality. It's fine with me, really. I'd like to sacralize the whole damn world.

There was one case, however, that tested even my capacity to find holy meaning everywhere: a class offered at the New Age Expo called "The Sacred Art of Publicity." When I saw that, I nearly spit out the gulp of goji berry and spirulina smoothie that I had just sipped. "What's next?" I thought. "Sacred shopping for automatic weapons? Sacred gambling at an Indian casino?" But in the next moment I had to admit that even those might be possible.

What's the most outlandish sacred act you can think of pulling off? Do it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Humans have been baking and eating bread for at least 5,000 years. But it wasn't until the 20th century that anyone figured out a fast and easy way to cut it into thin, precise pieces. Then Otto Rohwedder, who had been working on the project for 16 years, produced a machine that cut a loaf into individual slices. I bring him to your attention, Gemini, because I think you are in a phase of your life when you could very possibly create an innovation that would be as intimately revolutionary as Rohwedder's was for the masses. In fact, why aren't you working on it right now?

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Many life processes unfold outside of your conscious awareness: your body digesting your food and circulating your blood; trees using carbon dioxide, water, and sunlight to synthesize their nourishment; microorganisms in the soil beneath your feet endlessly toiling to create humus. You don't perceive any of these things directly; they're invisible to you.

Tune in to this vitalizing alchemy. Use your X-ray vision and sub-sonic hearing and psychic smelling. See if you can absorb by osmosis some of the euphoria of the trees as they soak in the sunlight from above and water from below.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

In order to heal deep-seated problems, people may need to engage in long-term psychotherapy, patiently chipping away at their mental blocks for many years. But some lucky sufferers get their neuroses zapped virtually overnight, either with the help of a monumental event that shocks them out of their malaise or through the work of a brilliant healer who uses a few strokes of kamikaze compassion to creatively destroy their deluded fixations. I think you're now a candidate for this type of correction, Cancerian.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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In certain Native American traditions, the hole was a symbol for the female genitalia, through which souls enter this realm. In American scientific lore, a wormhole is a backdoor shortcut between two places in space separated by an astronomical distance. In my personal mythos, those are my two favorite nuances in the archetype of the hole.

When I was a kid I loved to fantasize that I'd obtained a magic hole like the one Bugs Bunny had in the comic books. It was a portable hole that Bugs could take with him everywhere and apply to any barrier he needed to slip through. Once he even managed to slap it up against the sky, giving him access to another dimension where the whole world was inside him, not outside. (Or was that a dream I had?)

What would you do with your portable magic hole?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

To discover the most useful truths, you will have to peek behind the curtains and root around to see what's cloaked in the dark and maybe even explore messes you'd rather not touch. What complicates your task is that the fake truths may be extra loud and shiny, distracting you from the down and dirty stuff with their relentless come-ons. But I have confidence in your ability to outmaneuver the propaganda, Leo. You shall know the hype, and knowing the hype will set you free.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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"The people of future generations will win many a liberty of which we do not yet even feel the want," said German philosopher Max Stirner. See if you can become aware of an interesting freedom that has not previously been on your radar screen.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The evil geniuses of the advertising industry are hard at work in their labs dreaming up seductive new mojo to artificially stimulate your consumer lusts. Meanwhile, the media's relentless campaign to get you to believe in debilitating fantasies and divert you from doing what's really good for you has reached a fever pitch. And here's the triple whammy: Even more than usual, some of your relatives and cohorts are angling to convince you that what pleases them is what pleases you. So is there any hope that you will be able to hone in on what truly excites you? (It's especially important that you do so right now.) The answer, in my opinion, is a qualified yes -- IF you're willing to conduct intensive research into the idiosyncratic secrets of what makes you happy; and IF you're not scared to discover who you are when you're turned on all the way.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Comment on the following rant, which Beauty and Truth Lab operatives put on flyers and tacked up on laundromat bulletin boards all over San Francisco:

"The Doctrine of Original Sin? We spit on it. We reject it. We renounce it and forget it and annihilate it from reality. In its place we embrace the Doctrine of Original Fun. This reformulation asserts that it is our birthright to commune with regular doses of curious beauty and tricky truth and insurrectionary love. A robust, heroic joy is even now roaring through us, bringing us good ideas about how to apply the metaphor of ingenious foreplay to everything we do. We will not waste this euphoric deluge on any of the million and one numbing little diversions that pass for pleasure among the ecstasy-starved pursuers of mediocre joy. Rather, we will remain ever alert for the call of primordial delight."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

If you were living in Greece in the fifth century B.C., I'd urge you to bathe in the healing spring at the shrine of Asklepios in Athens. If you were in 19th-century France, I'd recommend that you trek to the sacred shrine at Lourdes -- being sure to crawl the last half-mile on your hands and knees -- and sip from the curative waters there. But since you're a busy 21st-century sophisticate and may have a limited belief in miracles, I'll simply suggest that you visit the most interesting tree you know and spill a bottle of pristine water over your head as you confess your sins and ask the sky for forgiveness and sing songs that purify you to the bone.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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"The really important kind of freedom," said David Foster Wallace, "involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day."

Is that an interesting kind of freedom to you? Can you imagine any scenario in which practicing it would crack you open and pour you into an ecstatic state?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

It's quite possible that the nature of consciousness is in the midst of a fundamental transformation. The human race seems to be getting more empathetic, more compassionate, and even more psychic. Many of us are having experiences that were previously thought to be the province of mystics, such as epiphanies that give us visceral perceptions of the interconnectedness of all life. Even as some traditional religions lose members and devolve into cartoony fundamentalism, there are ever-increasing numbers of intelligent seekers who cultivate a more discerning spiritual awareness outside the decrepit frameworks. If you haven't been on this bandwagon, Scorpio, now's a good time to jump on. If you're already on board, get ready for an accelerated ride.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Poet Kay Ryan told the Christian Science Monitor how she cultivates the inspiration to write. She rouses the sense of a "self-imposed emergency," thereby calling forth psychic resources that usually materialize only in response to a crisis.

Please note that she doesn't provoke an actual emergency: She doesn't arrange to have a loved one get pinned beneath the wheels of a car. She doesn't climb out onto the window ledge on the 22nd story of a high-rise. Instead, she visualizes hypothetical situations that galvanize her to shift into a dramatically heightened state of awareness.

What imagined emergencies could you invoke to inspire your deep self to rise up and make its mark?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

This week you'll be working overtime while you sleep. Your dreaming mind will be playing around with solutions to your waking mind's dilemmas. Your ally, the wild conjurer in the ramshackle diamond-encrusted sanctuary at the edge of the deep dark forest, will be spinning out medicine stories and rounding up help for you. So of course you should keep a pen and notebook by your bed to record the dreams that come. I suggest that you also try to keep the first part of your mornings free of busy work so you can integrate the full impact of the nights' gifts. And don't despair if you can't actually remember any of your nocturnal adventures. Their tasty after-images will remain with you subliminally, giving your logical mind an intuitive edge.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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I love this excerpt from "The Seeker," a poem by Rilke in his Book of Hours (translated by Robert Bly): "I am circling around God, around the ancient tower, / and I have been circling for a thousand years, / and I still don't know if I am a falcon, or a storm, / or a great song." Here's my own permutation: "I am circling around love, around the throbbing hum, and I have been circling for thousands of days, and I still don't know if I am a wounded saint, or a rainy dawn, or a creation story."

Compose your own version.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

There'll be an abundance of unambiguous choices for you to make in the coming days. I'm not implying they'll be easy, just that the different alternatives will be clearly delineated. To get you warmed up for your hopefully crisp decisions, I've compiled a a few exercises. Pick one of each of these pairs: 1. exacting homework or free-form research; 2. pitiless logic or generous fantasies; 3. precise and disciplined communication or heedless self-expression; 4. grazing like a contented sheep or rambling like a restless mountain goat.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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In the Western Hermetic version of the Qabala, every Hebrew letter is paired with a number, and so every word is also a number derived from the addition of its letters. Gematria is the practice of finding hidden resonance between words that have similar numerical values. Of the many poetic truths revealed through this art, one of my favorites is this: The Hebrew words for both "serpent" and "messiah" add up to 358.

Let's suppose this can be interpreted to mean that the snaky potency of your reproductive drive is potentially the source of your salvation. What implications might that have for how you cultivate the art of ecstasy?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires. Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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Elijah, the beer truck driver who lives in the trailer with old tires, rusty tools, and the husk of a 1975 Chevy El Camino littering the driveway, tells me that everything he knows about God can be summed up in the bumper sticker on the back of the El Camino, which reads "Theresa and Johnny's Comfort Food -- Live Free or Die."

Mythologist Joseph Campbell, on the other hand, suggested we should imagine a deity to be like a floating ball of fire that would immediately kill anyone it touched.

Then there's the poet Rumi. He envisioned God as your tender Best Friend and Unpredictable Ally who's always as close as your own breath.

Which version do you prefer?
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I used to have an acupuncturist who, as she poked me with needles, liked to talk about her understanding of Chinese medicine. Once she told me that every human being needs a "heart protector," which is a body function that's "like a holy warrior who serves as the queen's devoted ally." But the heart protector is not something you're born with. You've got to grow it by building your fortitude and taking care of your body. I think the heart protector will be an apt metaphor for you to play with in the coming weeks, Pisces. It's going to be an excellent time for you to cultivate any part of your life that gives your heart joy, strength, peace, and integrity.

I love to write these horoscopes for you. I also love to record audio meditations for your entertainment and inspiration. Here's a free podcast you might like: It's called SHADOW BLESSINGS. It's a meditation on how some of your more challenging gifts may be as glorious as the smooth and easy gifts you get. I also have EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES that cost money. You can sign in and access them here.

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"Take time to stop and smell the flowers," says an old homily. Albert Hoffman, the Swiss scientist who discovered LSD and lived to age 102, had a different approach. "Take the time to stop and be the flowers," he said.

That's my advice to you. Don't just set aside a few stolen moments to sniff the snapdragons, taste the rain, chase the wind, watch the hummingbirds, and listen to a friend. Use your imagination to actually be the snapdragons and rain and wind and hummingbirds and friend. Don't just behold the Other; become the Other.
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.