A few years ago, the Cambodian government decided that the country's karaoke bars had become hotbeds of vice. To suppress their evil influence, the prime minister called out the army's bulldozers and demolished them. Keep that in mind as an example of how NOT to proceed in the coming week, Aries. While the astrological omens do suggest that you should phase out bad and inferior influences from your life, they also warn against resorting to overkill. As you rightfully purge the weird karma lingering in your vicinity, don't create a new batch of weird karma.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out you EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it’s impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That’s why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

"The secret to success is to always be in love," said educator and ex-army officer John H. Stanford. "Staying in love gives you the fire to ignite other people, to see inside other people, to have a greater desire to get things done than other people." Did Stanford mean that you should be forever infatuated with some irresistible human being? Or was he referring to a more all-purpose phenomenon, like being in love with life? I urge you to meditate with great diligence and exuberance on this matter, Taurus, because you are, in my astrological opinion, going through a phase when love is EVERYTHING. It's the question and the answer, the hammer and the nail, the dreamy necessity and the pragmatic mystery.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Scientists have confirmed what we all knew: You do indeed have a little voice in your head that warns you when you’re about to do something dumb. It’s called the anterior cingulate cortex, according to white-coated authorities at Carnegie-Mellon University. If you’re receptive to it, it’s as good as having a guardian angel. "Don’t do it," the voice whispers when you’re on the verge of locking your keys in your car or leaving the bar with the cute drunk you just met. "Go back," it murmurs as you start to walk away from a huge, though initially inconvenient, opportunity.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

There's an old Motown song, "You Really Got a Hold on Me," that has these lyrics: "I don't like you, but I love you . . . I don't want you, but I need you." Is there anyone or anything fitting that description in your life, Gemini? If so, this is a good time to take inventory of your relationship, and change it if you don't like what you see. A question you might want to ask yourself: Is there a noble purpose in enduring the painful discrepancy? Or are you addicted, feeding a bad habit because of an old wound that you wrongly think you can heal through this torment?

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Ralph Waldo Emerson: "He who is in love is wise and becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses."
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: "Love, love, love: That is the soul of genius."
Krishnamurti: "The problem, if you love it, is as beautiful as the sunset."
Henry David Thoreau: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Erica Jong: "Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

For my friend Leslie, the year 2003 was great for her personally, but terrible for five of her friends. One was committed to a mental institution and given shock therapy, while the others were lost to jail, heroin, political persecution, and a religious cult. Ever since then, Leslie has made it her specialty to monitor her friends' fortunes and offer them extra attention if they have veered off course or gotten into trouble. While that's a demanding responsibility to sustain all the time, I suggest you consider taking it on in the coming weeks. According to my reading of the omens, your allies could really benefit from your focused feedback.

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"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens’ novel David Copperfield. Buy a blank book and write that sentence at the top of page one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

"Success is dangerous," said Picasso. "One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility." Sorry to start your horoscope with a warning, Leo, especially given how much beautiful success you've generated recently. But the astrological omens suggest you may soon be tempted to turn your spontaneous outpourings into pat formulas. And that would be a shame. There's still a lot more fresh hot mojo brewing within you, and it'll reach its highest expression if it keeps surprising you. Trust what's fresh, uncategorizable, and at the frontiers of your understanding.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Celebrate Unhappy Hour at least once a month. During this ritual blowout, you have license to complain and rant about everything that's driving you crazy. Get a sympathetic listener to be your receptacle or deliver your blast straight into the mirror. If you prefer, write it all down. One way or another, grouse nonstop about your secret shame, raw sorrow, unspeakable guilt, and unnerving twists of destiny. Feel free to unleash guttural moans or rueful cackles. If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins. Pronoia will then have a chance to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

When big egos bluster and bounce off the walls, you're a master at cleaning up the messes. When glory hogs get careless about the details, you're good at patching up the resulting holes. And when people with stunted emotional intelligence try to assert their control-freak fantasies without acknowledging anyone's feelings, you can be the savior who steps in to prevent full-blown chaos from breaking out. I admire these skills of yours, Virgo, and I hope that you invoke them if necessary in the coming week. But I also want to make sure you know that you've been granted a poetic license to have a bigger ego than usual, and to flirt with being a benevolent glory hog, and to maybe even play around lightheartedly with your own control-freak fantasies.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is beginning to purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of the riches you endlessly receive. You are becoming aware that each of your heart’s beats originates as a gift of love directly from the Goddess herself. Any residues of hatred that had been tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You are becoming telepathically linked to the world’s entire host of secret teachers, pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised as convenience store clerks.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Someone calculated the mass of all the data that flows over the Internet in the course of a year. The trillions of terabytes of information tip the scales at a mere .00004 ounce. I suspect that a similar disjunction will occur in your life during the coming days. Maybe you'll create a weightless miracle with incredible staying power. Or perhaps you will oversee a potent and intense and profound change that will be difficult to measure and almost invisible to casual observers.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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"The task of genius, and humanity is nothing if not genius, is to keep the miracle alive, to live always in the miracle, to make the miracle more and more miraculous, to swear allegiance to nothing, but live only miraculously, think only miraculously, die miraculously." —Henry Miller
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

It's an excellent time to clearly and precisely define what heaven on earth would look like for you. So study the following mission statement, written by my reader Darla Fremos, then compose your own. "In my perfect world," says Darla, "I'd spend the mornings lying in long grass filled with fragrant flowers at the edge of a lake high on a hill above a sleepy town. I'd read books that tickled my soul, eat snacks that satisfied my wildest hunger, and use my eyes to make love with clouds, hummingbirds, breezes, and other temporary allies. After a noon siesta, I'd take a leisurely walk along a birch-lined road to my command center, where I'd join my team of associates as we spent the next eight hours managing my global network of activists working to end poverty and hunger."

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We will ignore the cult of doom and gloom and embrace the cause of zoom and boom. We will laugh at the stupidity of evil and hate, and summon the brilliance to praise and create. No matter how upside-down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: Life is crazily in love with us—wildly and innocently in love with us. The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper," wrote media critic Ben Bagdikian, "is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew Passion on a ukulele: The instrument is too crude for the work, for the audience, and for the performer." But if anyone could pull off such a feat, Sagittarius, it would be you in the state you're in now. You're ingenious at making the best out of mediocre situations. You have a special ability to transform limited resources into useful and valuable assets.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Pronoia means that even if we can’t see and don’t know, primal benefactors are plotting to emancipate us. The winds and tides are on our side, forever and ever, amen. The fire and rain are scheming to steal our pain. The sun and moon know our real names, and the animals pray for us while we’re dreaming. Do you believe in guardian angels and divine helpers? Whether you do or not, they’re always wangling to give you the gifts you don’t even realize you want. Can you guess how many humble humans are busy making things for you to use and enjoy?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

I predict that you will soon be drinking your morning wake-up beverage out of a goblet made of gold mined in ancient times. Songbirds will appear near your window to sing you tunes that magically unleash your dormant genetic potentials. Out of nowhere, servants will arrive and offer to wash your feet in jeweled basins once used to baptize the children of queens. Maybe most exciting of all, you will command the power of the wind and lightning. OK, so maybe everything I just predicted will only occur in your dreams. But even if that's the case, it's a sign that you're in a heightened state of receptivity to miracles and wonders -- which suggests that they will soon be swirling around you.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Here are a few of the interesting developments I expect that you will have enjoyed by the end of September: unexpected revelations about your past; a deeper commitment that spawns more freedom; an ethical use of smoke and mirrors for the most important hocus-pocus of the year; unheard-of emotions that are so transformative they make pain unnecessary; and -- speaking metaphorically here -- a night journey down a dark road that leads to a pile of coal where a huge diamond is hidden.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. The vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

It's an excellent time to seek out a more intimate relationship with your muse. I'd love to see you two develop a deeper commitment to each other. And if for some bizarre reason you don't have a muse or have lost touch with your muse, it's a perfect moment to correct that intolerable situation. And don't tell me that you're not an artist or writer or musician, and therefore don't need a muse. Everyone needs a muse, even soccer moms and homeless mimes. Especially these days, your well-being depends on the unpredictable inspirations that can best be provided by a person or spirit or luminary who captivates your imagination and drives you crazily sane with mysterious revelations.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES

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Try this meditation: Imagine that you are both the wood and the fire that consumes the wood. When you focus your awareness on the part of you that is the wood, you hurt; it’s painful to feel your sense of solidity disintegrating. But as you shift your attention to the part of you that is the fire, you exult in the wild joy of liberation and power. It may be tempting to visualize yourself more as the fire than the wood. But if you’d like to understand pronoia in its fullness, you’ve got to be both wood and fire simultaneously.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.