"Dear Rob: As an experiment, I've been trying to soften myself--to see what it's like to stand in a room and not always take the lead, not assume that no one else knows what they're doing except me. It's had an interesting effect so far: People seem more eager to play nice and offer me their good energy. But I don't know if I'm willing to give up my take-charge instincts for much longer. Do I have to resign myself to either being strong or being loved? -Assertive Aries." Dear Assertive: Could you add a little more love to your take-charge ferocity? And be more softly aggressive? And be open-hearted in your assertiveness?

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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When you’re an aspiring master of pronoia, you see the cracks in the facades as opportunities; inspiration erupts as you careen over bumps in the road; you love the enticing magic that flows from situations that other people regard as rough or crooked. "That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire, "from which it follows that irregularity—that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment—is an essential part and characteristic of beauty."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I'm betting on the imminent arrival of at least two of the following climaxes: (1) You'll culminate a task or goal you've been working on for months. (2) You'll remember an important intention you'd forgotten for a long time. (3) You'll graduate from a crash course you've been taking since October 2006. (4) You'll be reunited with a lost sheep or forsaken dream that's ready for another chance.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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It's time for the Gratitude Fest. Write thank-you notes to the creatures, both human and otherwise, that have played seminal roles in inspiring you to become yourself. Who have been your guides along the way, both the purposeful teachers and the inadvertent helpers? Who has seen you for who you really are? Who has nudged you in the direction of your fuller destiny and awakened you to your signature truths? Who has loved you very, very well?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

If given three wishes by a fairy godmother, as in the heroes of old fairy tales, you probably wouldn't ask for the ability to fly or the power to turn invisible or the gift of a golden carriage pulled by eight white horses crowned with white ostrich feathers. But what would you choose? Something like "I wish I could solve my relationship problems"? Or maybe "I wish I could find my direction in life," or "I wish I had enough money to do the things I love to do"? This is an excellent time to get clear about your three wishes, Gemini. If you do, I can almost guarantee that at least one of them will come closer to fulfillment in the coming weeks.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

When Emperor Joseph II heard Mozart's opera Abduction from the Seraglio in 1782, he remarked, "Too many notes, my dear Mozart, too many notes!" Sound familiar? I suspect you are exuding so much complex beauty and mysterious intelligence that, like Mozart, you may elicit responses akin to the emperor's. Don't take it personally. Though it is possible you'll get a bit excessive, what's more likely is that you'll be as deep and rich and concentrated and emotive and vivid as you need to be in order to express what's true for you right now. Will that make some people feel nervous or overwhelmed? Probably.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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"I’ve been practicing radical authenticity lately," my friend Brandon told me. "I’m revealing the blunt truth about unmentionable subjects to everyone I know. It’s been pretty hellish—no one likes having the social masks stripped away—but it’s been ultimately rewarding."

"I admire your boldness in naming the currents flowing beneath the surface," I replied, "but I’m curious as to why you imply they’re all negative. To practice radical authenticity, shouldn’t you also express the raw truth about what’s right, good, and beautiful? Shouldn’t you unleash the praise and gratitude that normally go unspoken?"

Brandon sneered. He thought my version of radical authenticity was wimpy. I hope you don’t. As a budding lover of life, you have a mandate to be honest in both ways.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The time is ripe to sign a new contract with yourself. Put it all in writing--I mean the promises you want to make to your future self. Describe the ideals you intend to live up to, the freedoms you want to fight for, and the changes you want to make in the world around you. There's no need to sign it in ink made from your blood, but I do suggest that you dab some of your sweat and tears on the document.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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You're a star—and so am I. I'm a genius—and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World—quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play. In the New World, you don't have to play down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

While riding my bike along a route I've often traveled, I spied an unexpected sight: Standing amidst a twist of vines was a red signpost that said "Cherry Blossom Lane." How could I not have seen that before? I pedaled over and found the beginning of a narrow road that had previously escaped me as well. I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you discover a hidden magic room in the attic of a familiar house. My heart filled with an irrational, child-like anticipation of imminent delight. I pedaled up a steep incline, disappointed to see there were no cherry trees in bloom. But as I reached the end of a cul-de-sac, I spotted a glint of gold in the mud. It was a statue of Jesus and Buddha holding hands, and there was a $20 bill taped to the bottom. Everything I just described is a metaphor for what I predict you'll soon experience.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter. Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that "the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President of the United States four times, but he never won a majority of the votes in his home county of Duchess in New York. There is something comparable going on in your personal sphere, Libra: You're getting more appreciation from outside your circle than you are from inside. Is there anything you can do about it? I think so. You now have the power to raise your standing among those in your immediate environment. Give them a vivid demonstration of what you're really worth.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I foresee a time when women's earnings will match men's and when women will compose half of every governmental body instead of a measly ten percent. I predict an awakening that will help men understand that the global conspiracy to cripple and demean female power damages them as much as it does women. Until the coming of that happy day, I recommend that you celebrate International Women's Day every day--and especially during the next three weeks. Your health, wealth, sex appeal, and wisdom will flourish in direct proportion to your efforts to give female intelligence more room to be expressed.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In his poem "Treasure Island," Keith Althaus describes this scenario: "the tireless lighthouse flashes its ambiguous message: equal parts safety and danger." What's the equivalent of that in your life, Sagittarius? Is there a person, situation, or symbolic thing that is both warning you of a potential problem and telling you how to find sanctuary in a specific solution? Whatever it is, deepen your relationship with it so you'll be finely attuned to the guidance it's offering.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where it’s impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. That’s why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.

Astrologer Caroline Casey offers an apt metaphor to illustrate how crucial it is for us to hear and read good stories. She notes that if we don’t have enough of the normal, healthy kind of iodine in our bodies, we absorb radioactive iodine, which has entered the food chain through nuclear test explosions conducted in the atmosphere. Similarly, unless we fill ourselves up with stories that invigorate us, we’re more susceptible to sopping up the poisonous, degenerative narratives.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

[Editor's note: This week's horoscope was written by one of my readers, Artstar. It's entitled "How to Be a Capricorn."] Be a workaholic as you build a beautiful life for yourself and those you care about most. Love as hard as you work; be a loveaholic. In fact, be doggedly devoted to becoming the best you can be in every way--not just in your career but also in your marriage and in your roles as friend, parent, community member, and all-around ethical person. Be stubborn in your insistence that we humans are capable of more and better, and prod others into being their best and most beautiful selves. If they refuse, end your relationship with them, but keep wishing them well.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Sports franchises sell the naming rights to their stadiums. Baseball's San Francisco Giants play at AT&T Park, for instance. Then there are the parents who've sold the naming rights to their unborn children on eBay. Inspired by these precedents, I'm thinking about selling the naming rights to the astrological signs. Instead of just "Aquarius," I could maybe convince Nike to invest in calling it "Nike's Aquarius." Better yet, maybe I could hawk the rights (at a lower rate, of course) to organizations whose cultural influence I actually respect: Burning Man's Aquarius or Greenpeace's Aquarius. Given your current astrological omens, you should entertain an idea like this. Maybe you could add a corporate sponsor as your new middle name or as the name of your blog or your pet or your genitals. Consider it, Aquarius. It's the perfect time to think outside the box in regard to bringing more money into your life.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.
Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Molecular scientist Robert Bohannon knows a way to cram even more obscene gratification into a doughnut. He has discovered the secret to infusing pastries with a non-bitter version of caffeine. If his innovation is adopted by bakers, a doughnut would not only be able to have its usual sugary kick, but could also deliver the punch of two cups of coffee. Judging from the current astrological omens, Pisces, I'd say you'll soon be able to find a healthy metaphorical equivalent to this pathological marvel for your own use. In other words, you'll intensify your enjoyment of an already fine pleasure.

You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2007. Each report in the three-part series is about 6-8 minutes long. A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.

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If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes:
     a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if you’re not greedy or grasping.
     b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that you’ve already achieved them.
     c. Whatever you’re longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. It’s not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it.
     d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didn’t foresee.

     Review your own life and identify experiences that exemplify these four principles.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.