A Malaysian woman survived a showdown with a tiger. Kaliyama was working as a rubber tapper when the big cat slinked up behind her and wrapped its jaws around her leg. "Amma! Amma!" she cried out, invoking the name of the mother goddess. The tiger let go, backed off a step, and glared at her. Summoning her courage, she gazed back at it. After a few minutes of this staring match, the tiger departed, leaving Kaliyama in peace. I advise you to use a similar approach in your engagement with a beastly influence, Aries. Ask for the goddess's help, then let your essence beam out through the windows to your soul.

Want to go even further in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss the possibilities for the week ahead in more depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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The sage and her student were standing by a pool discussing longing and ambition.

"What do you want more than anything else?" the sage asked.

"To perfect my ability to love all of creation the way I love myself," the young man replied.

At that moment, the sage tackled the student and shoved his head beneath the water. Accustomed to letting his teacher shape the unpredictable contours of his education, he did not resist.

One minute went by. Then another. The student began to struggle and kick. His teacher was strong.

Finally she released her grip and the student surfaced, fighting for breath.

"What did you want more than anything else during these last few minutes?" the sage inquired.

"Nothing else was in my mind except the desire for air," gasped the student.

"Excellent," beamed the sage. "As soon as you are equally single-minded in your desire to perfect your ability to love all of creation the way you love yourself, you will achieve your goal."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In the game known as Rock Paper Scissors, each player pumps a fist twice and then displays his or her hand in one of three different shapes: flat to indicate a piece of paper, a fist to symbolize rock, or index finger and middle finger extended for scissors. Each of the three can beat just one of the other two. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, and rock smashes scissors. For centuries in many cultures, this game has been used by pairs of people to settle small decisions, such as who will wash the dishes this time or who will run to the store to get beer. Though it's not usually invoked to determine matters of great importance, you might consider bucking tradition this week. It may be impossible to solve knotty questions through common sense and negotiation. Why not try the Rock Paper Scissors approach?

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Astrologer Caroline Casey offers an apt metaphor to illustrate how crucial it is for us to hear and read good stories. She notes that if we don't have enough of the normal, healthy kind of iodine in our bodies, we absorb radioactive iodine, which has entered the food chain through nuclear test explosions conducted in the atmosphere. Similarly, unless we fill ourselves up with stories that invigorate us, we're more susceptible to sopping up the poisonous, degenerative narratives.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Sixty percent of Nigeria's population lives below the poverty line. Yet according to the World Values Survey, published in New Scientist magazine, Nigerians are the happiest people on the planet. How can that be? It may have something to do with the Survey's conclusion that "the desire for material goods is a happiness suppressant." Sounds to me like the conclusion the Buddhists came to a long time ago: Craving for earthly riches is the source of a lot of suffering. Luckily, you Geminis are in a phase when you have great power to shift your pursuit of satisfaction away from transitory, ephemeral, ultimately useless pleasures and toward the truly gratifying, eternal ones.

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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In the early years of Christianity, there were hundreds of books interpreting the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. But by 325 A.D., a group backed by the political and military might of the Roman Empire had determined which few of the stories about Christ would thereafter be considered the canonical New Testament, and which would be regarded as heretical bilge.

No better evidence exists for the saying, "History is a tale told by the victors." Keep this in mind as you strategize your way through your personal War of the Stories. Your account of events may have more truth in it than everyone else's conflicting tales, but that won't carry much weight unless you obtain the power to enforce your version.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In 1982 I moved into a new home in Santa Cruz. It was just a funky old cottage that had once been a barn, but I was ecstatic to have it. As I opened the front door to begin my first day there, a violet-crowned hummingbird bolted inside in front of me, stayed for a few minutes, then departed. I regarded its visit as a phenomenally good omen, and it turned out to be just that. During my years in that house, I wrote my first book, recorded my first music album, fell in love with the woman I married, and conceived my daughter. Almost exactly 24 years later, I'm meditating on your horoscope as I sit in my current abode. "Send me a sign," I just said to the gods. "What's in the works for Cancerians?" Now a violet-crowned hummingbird is dancing exuberantly in front of my window, peering in, lingering a long time. I take it to mean you're at the beginning of a great opening.

What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends even further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Beauty and Truth Laboratory researcher Firenze Matisse traveled to Antarctica. On the first day, the guide took him and his group to a remote area and left them alone for an hour to commune with the pristine air and unearthly stillness. After a while, a penguin ambled up and launched into a ceremonial display of squawks and stretches. Firenze responded with recitals of his favorite memorized poems, imagining he was "engaged in a conversation with eternity." Halfway through his inspired performance of Thich Nhat Hanh's "Please Call Me by My True Names," the penguin sent a stream of green projectile vomit cascading against his chest, and shuffled away.

Though Firenze initially felt deflated by eternity's surprise, no harm was done. He soon came to see it as a first-class cosmic joke, and looked forward to exploiting its value as an amusing story with which to regale his friends back home.

Beauty and Truth Laboratory researcher Michael Logan was the first person to hear Firenze's tale upon his return from Antarctica. "You might want to consider this, Firenze," Michael mused after taking it all in. "Penguins nurture their offspring by chewing food—mixing it up with all God's enzymes—and then vomiting it into the mouths of the penguin babies. Perhaps you weren't the butt of a cosmic joke or some Linda Blair-esque bad review, but in fact the recipient of a very precious gift of love. Who knows?"

Now Firenze has two punch lines for his tale of redemptive pronoia.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

According to the organization Human Rights Watch, there are currently 2,225 American convicts condemned to life sentences for crimes they perpetrated as teenagers. In contrast, the entire rest of the world has only 12 prisoners in a similar situation. I favor the more lenient approach that prevails on the planet outside of the U.S.--not just for criminals but for everyone. Though most of us didn't commit felonies when we were young, we all made big mistakes that caused problems for us as well as others. Should we suffer for our sins forever? I hope not. It so happens that the coming days will provide fresh opportunities for you Leos to atone for and correct the wrong turns you made way back when.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Quoting geneticists, Guy Murchie says we're all family. You have at least a million relatives as close as tenth cousin, and no one on Earth is any farther removed than your 50th cousin.

Murchie also describes our kinship through an analysis of how deeply we share the air. With each breath, you take into your body 10 sextillion atoms, and--owing to the wind's ceaseless circulation--over a year's time you have intimate relations with oxygen molecules exhaled by every person alive, as well as by everyone who ever lived. Right now you may be carrying atoms that were once inside the lungs of Malcolm X, Christopher Columbus, Joan of Arc, and Cleopatra.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

HELP WANTED: looking for a smart operator who has expertise in both rebellion and compromise. Must be willing to break taboos if necessary in order to help people, but must also be a sensitive and empathetic collaborator who's skilled at creating harmonious solutions. Are you a rugged individualist with a strong sense of self or are you a community builder who can get along with a wide variety of human types? Both, hopefully. Be a good listener who expresses yourself clearly.

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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You're like an arrow in flight. You're a half-cooked feast, the fifth month of pregnancy, the week before a big election. Have you ever mastered a second language? You resemble the time right before fluency arrives.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

If you set your mind to it, you could break the world's record for most ketchup sipped through a straw in three minutes, or the greatest distance pushing a tangerine down a highway with one's nose, or the most jumps on a pogo-stick in the rain at dawn while wearing a leather jumpsuit. For that matter, Libra, you now have the boldness, physical vigor, and slightly crazed chutzpah to accomplish a whole range of precedent-breaking feats, from halting an abuse of power you've been putting up with to overthrowing the soggy status quo that has watered down the passions of everyone in a group you care about.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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At a concert in California, devotional singer Krishna Das told a story of escorting his revered teachers, a frail old Indian couple, to an acupuncturist in New York. They had to walk through a neighborhood dominated by strip clubs, prostitutes, and drug dealers. Every few feet, a new salesperson approached with an offer of crack, weed, crank, or sexual adventures.

Krishna Das worried about subjecting his beloved guides to such a degrading experience, but they were unfazed. "This is heaven," said the woman. When a surprised Krishna Das asked what she meant, she replied, "Heaven is any place where one's needs can be met."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The U.S. Congress creates a constant stream of new legislation, but that doesn't mean President Bush has to enforce it. Since he took office in 2001, in fact, Bush has chosen to disobey more than 750 freshly minted laws. At the risk of getting you in trouble with the powers-that-be, I'm advising you to make Bush your role model in the coming week. Try to get away with ignoring any rules of the game you don't like or agree with. To maximize your chance of sailing through unscathed, proceed as Bush does--in a stealth mode, not calling attention to the fact that you're in a rebel outlaw mode.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Scientists have confirmed what we all knew: You do indeed have a little voice in your head that warns you when you're about to do something dumb. It's called the anterior cingulate cortex, according to white-coated authorities at Carnegie-Mellon University. If you're receptive to it, it's as good as having a guardian angel.

"Don't do it," the voice whispers when you're on the verge of locking your keys in your car or leaving the bar with the cute drunk you just met. "Go back," it murmurs as you start to walk away from a huge, though initially inconvenient, opportunity.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Please stick to drinking low-fat water in the coming days; avoid the high-fat H20 whenever possible. Likewise, inhale only the kind of oxygen that's low in cholesterol, and don't allow your eyes to take in fatty landscapes or other calorie-rich sights. In other words, Sagittarius, celebrate simple pleasures. To make best use of the astrological opportunities, you've got to consistently choose the most raw, basic options.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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More and more creative people find they do their best work when they're feeling healthy and secure. We know writers who no longer need to be drunk or in agony in order to shed the numbness of their daily routine and tap into the full powers of their imagination. We have filmmaker friends whose best work flows not from the depths of alienated self-doubt but rather from the heights of well-earned bliss. Singer-songwriter P.J. Harvey is the patron saint of this new breed. "When I'm contented, I'm more open to receiving a lot of inspiration," she has testified. "I'm most creative when I feel safe and happy."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Last week's symbol was a closed fist. The mood was determined, fierce, and intolerant of any funny stuff. But you're leaving the zone in which that stance made sense. Your new metaphor is the open hand. Your chances at succeeding will increase in proportion to your willingness to negotiate for peace, seek connection, and accept input. Receptivity is the Truth and the Way. "Why not?" is your power mantra. To prime yourself for the transition, I suggest that wherever you are right now, you spread your arms wide and unfurl your welcoming palms.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Go to the ugliest or most forlorn place you know--a drugstore parking lot, the front porch of a crack house, a toxic waste dump, or the place that symbolizes your secret shame--and build a shrine devoted to beauty, truth, and love.

Here are some suggestions about what to put in your shrine: a silk scarf; a smooth rock on which you've inscribed a haiku or joke with a felt-tip pen; coconut cookies or ginger candy; pumpkin seeds and an origami crane; a green kite shaped like a dragon; a music CD you love; a photo of your hero; a votive candle carved with your word of power; a rubber ducky; a bouquet of fresh beets; a print of Van Gogh's "Starry Night."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

When you obsess on your adversaries, you risk becoming like them. The more you shape your life through your responses to things you don't like, you invite them to define your destiny. You'll have to be on guard against falling prey to this mistake in the coming weeks, Aquarius. While I don't suggest that you totally ignore the forces that oppose you, neither do I recommend that you regularly wake up in the middle of the night and spend hours plotting your next ten moves against them. Confine your scheming to a circumscribed period--say every Saturday between 11:30 a.m. and noon--and devote the rest of your time to creating what you love.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of listening to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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What causes happiness? Brainstorm at length about this question. Map out the foundations of your own personal science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. To get you started, I will list a few experiences that might possibly arouse your deepest gratification: physical pleasure; seeking the truth; being a good person; contemplating the meaning of life; enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments; escaping your routine; purging pent-up emotion. Do any of these work for you? Name at least ten more.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Actress Isla Fisher won the Breakthrough Performance award at the MTV Movie Awards for her role in the film Wedding Crashers. "For most people, playing a bi-polar nymphomaniac would have been a challenge," she said. "But I just played myself." She's your role model for the coming week, Pisces. I hope she inspires you to be yourself, only bigger and badder and brighter. It's like you have a poetic license to proceed as if you're starring in the blockbuster movie of your own life.

How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week. And to hear your long-range preview for the next five months, go here and click on the link "Last Week (06/20/2006 - 06/26/2006)."

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Late at night when there's no traffic, stride down the middle of an empty road that by day is crawling with cars. Dance, careen, and sing songs that fill you with pleasurable emotions. Splay your arms triumphantly as you extemporize prayers in which you make extravagant demands and promises. Give pet names to the trees you pass, declare your admiration for the workers who made the road, and celebrate your sovereignty over a territory that usually belongs to heavy machines and their operators.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.