"When the only tool you have is a hammer," said psychologist Abraham Maslow, "you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail." Since it will be crucial for you not to regard everything as if it were a nail in the coming weeks, Aries, I suggest you make sure your toolbox is filled with screwdrivers, wrenches, drills, crowbars, and chisels, as well as hammers. If you want to nudge your craftsmanship even further outside of the box, you might also want to expand your definition of what a tool is. Remember that old TV show MacGyver? The hero used a paper clip to short-circuit the launch of a missile and a candy bar to plug up a leak of corrosive acid.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter. Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that "the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It's perfectly fine for you to have dreamy eyes in the coming days--wistful, hopeful, liquid eyes that are more focused on the fantasies within than on the sights without. Muse to your heart's content, Taurus. Wander over to paradise in your imagination. Entertain utopian visions. As much as is practical, give yourself permission to visit LaLa land, where you can explore infinite possibilities, imaginary adventures, and "forbidden" topics that up until now you haven't dared to play with.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT

Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Poet Kay Ryan told the Christian Science Monitor how she cultivates the inspiration to write. She rouses the sense of a "self-imposed emergency," thereby calling forth psychic resources that usually materialize only in response to a crisis. Please note that she doesn't provoke an actual emergency: She doesn't arrange, for instance, to have a loved one get pinned beneath the wheels of a car. Instead, she visualizes hypothetical situations that galvanize her to shift into a dramatically heightened state of awareness. This would be an excellent technique for you to try, Gemini. It's quite possible that simulating an imaginary crunch will prevent a real crunch. So picture yourself rescuing a talking parrot from a burning pet store; envision yourself making a snappy comeback that halts the abusive behavior of an out-of-control authority; imagine a nightmare in which you save the world.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating. Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Psychotherapist James Hillman and essayist Michael Ventura wrote the book We've Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World's Getting Worse. In it, they propose that resolving our problems may not necessarily come from sitting in a room talking about our deep, private feelings with a trusted counselor. Instead, the best approach might be to go out into the world and do good works like helping the underprivileged or fighting for social justice. That happens to be the right prescription for you in the coming weeks, Cancerian. As you marshal your moral force and collaborate with other people who are motivated by altruism, you'll heal your own personal pain.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.
For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.
Fantasize that your so-called "dark side" is sweet and creamy.
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.
Dream you're a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.
Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.
Keep an image of a sphinx with you at all times.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

It may be a good idea for you to hang around a blacksmith or pay a visit to a foundry. You would benefit from gathering firsthand evidence of how metals can be melted, bent, cut, and worked. That might boost your confidence as you seek to reshape a certain situation in your life that to the naked eye seems utterly fixed and impossible to change. You have more power than you know, Leo, but in order to use it you'll have to believe in it more zealously.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In early spring, some of our forebears made love in newly seeded fields, hoping to magically propitiate the growth of the crops. Right now would be an excellent time for you to perform a similar ritual on behalf of what you love. If you're game, find a secluded outdoor spot on a warm day. Bring a partner if one's available, or take the earth or sky as your lover. Then carry out a rite of pleasure in which you offer up the spiritual essence of your bliss to the health and success of a beloved person or creature or situation that you want to thrive in the coming months.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Novel intuitions are erupting from your smart heart, awakening you from any trance you've been ensnared in. You're breaking and escaping obstructions that have suppressed your brilliance. Your soul's code is unleashing itself, revealing in explosive precision why you're a miraculous work of art, proving with intricate artistry why you're a masterpiece unlike any other ever created in the history of the world.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The spirits of some of your dead ancestors are in your psychic vicinity, eager to make appearances in your dreams and waking visions. They're hoping to fill you in on a number of subjects that will help you navigate your way through the labyrinthine terrain ahead. They have interesting speculations about what might work and not work for someone of your genetic make-up, and they also have perspectives that will help you put your upcoming decisions in a richer historical context. Even if you're a materialistic, scientific person and scoff at the idea of dead ancestors providing useful information, I urge you to temporarily suspend your disbelief. Adopt a playful open-mindedness and at least pretend it's possible.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Where exactly does happiness come from? That's the riddle posed by David Meyers and Ed Diener in their article, "The Science of Happiness," published in The Futurist magazine. I invite you to write your own answers to their question. Map out the foundations of your own science of happiness. Get serious about defining what makes you feel good. What specific experiences arouse your deepest gratification? Physical pleasure? Seeking the truth? Being a good person? Contemplating the meaning of life? Enjoying the fruits of your accomplishments? Purging pent-up emotion?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

As you enter the Season of Unleashed Desire, here are a few guidelines to help you navigate your way through the interesting complexities ahead. (1) Consider the possibility that you have a lot to learn about what you really want. (2) Find out whether your chronic anger is obstructing the full bloom of a potentially beautiful desire. (3) Be careful about desiring experiences you don't understand. (4) Meditate on the likelihood that some of your desires are superior to others, and that maybe you should cultivate those superior desires with more determination that you do the mediocre ones.

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Philosopher William James proposed that if our culture ever hoped to shed the deeply ingrained habit of going to war, we'd have to create a moral equivalent. It's not enough to preach the value of peace, he said. We have to find other ways to channel our aggressive instincts in order to accomplish what war does, like stimulate political unity and build civic virtue.

Astrology provides a complementary perspective. Each of us has the warrior energy of the planet Mars in our psychological make-up. We can't simply repress it, but must find a positive way to express it. How you might go about this project?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In contemplating your astrological omens, I'm reminded of Terence McKenna's comment about a friend who "hurled herself into the abyss and discovered that it was a feather bed." If you can summon the courage to dive into the scary depths, Sagittarius, I do believe you'll be pleasantly surprised at the comfy, luxurious digs that await you at the end of your descent. Now go ahead and yell "Geronimo!", which the dictionary defines as an exclamation used to express exhilaration when leaping from a great height.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
How Pronoia Works

There was once a poor farmer who could afford to own just one horse. He cared well for the animal, but one summer night, it escaped through a weak fence and ran away.

When his neighbors discovered what had happened, they visited to offer their condolences. "What bad luck!" they exclaimed. The farmer replied, "Maybe. Maybe not."

A week later, the fugitive horse sauntered back to the homestead, accompanied by six wild horses. The farmer and his son managed to corral all of them. Again the neighbors descended. "What great luck!" they exclaimed. "Maybe," the farmer replied. "Maybe not."

Soon the farmer's son began the work of taming the new arrivals. While attempting to ride the roan stallion, he was thrown to the ground and half-trampled. His leg was badly broken. The neighbors came to investigate. "What terrible luck!" they exclaimed. The farmer replied, "Maybe. Maybe not."

The next day, soldiers visited the farmer's village. Strife had recently broken out between two warlords, and one of them had come to conscript all the local young men. Though every other son was commandeered, the farmer's boy was exempted because of his injury. The neighbors gathered again. "What fantastic luck!" they exclaimed. "Maybe," the farmer said. "Maybe not."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In his book False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear, Dr. Marc K. Siegel argues that our circumstances are far better than we've been conditioned to believe. In fact, only a fraction of our culture's histrionic pessimism is justified. Alas, the collective delusion that life is totally messed up has seeped into your personal life (as it has into mine and everyone's), tainting even your most intimate moments. But in the coming weeks, it's crucial that you fight to undo the brainwashing. Opportunities will be coming your way that will remain inaccessible if you're too busy indulging in knee-jerk cynicism. So please resist the hypnotic temptation to look for the worst in everything. Be a fiercely buoyant nonconformist. Make this Nietzschean principle your watchword: Optimism tends to engender good health, while pessimism leads to morbidity.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
A Spell to Commit Pronoia, by psychotherapist Jennifer Welwood:

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I am given unimaginable gifts;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is pure delight,
To honor it is true devotion.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Two friends of mine teach elementary school. They agreed to help me conduct a survey to determine how many first-graders eat worms, and what astrological signs they are. Among the 68 kids whom my buddies asked, seven boys enthusiastically bragged about their odd culinary habit. One girl also confessed, though with a little embarrassment. Of these eight, five were--you guessed it--Aquarians. I wasn't surprised, seeing as how your sign is renowned for being the most eccentric. I was also quite pleased at the results. It made it easier for me to broach the unusual suggestion I have for you, which is that maybe you, too, should eat worms. This is the most direct way I can think of for you to carry out your current cosmic assignment, which is to come way down to earth.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
To become a master of desire, keep talking yourself out of being attached to trivial goals and keep talking yourself into being thrilled about the precious few goals that are really important. Here's another way to say it: Wean yourself from ego-driven desires and pour your libido into a longing for beauty, truth, goodness, justice, integrity, creativity, love, and an intimate relationship with the Wild Divine.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Some people imagine that I'm a bohemian mystic who lives outside the system and disdains conventional wisdom. That's half-true. I'm also a disciplined artist with a fondness for analytical thinking and a commitment to self-mastery. In accordance with your current astrological omens, I will emphasize the latter approach in your horoscope this week. No matter how flowing and unbound you love to be, it's high time for you to inject more organization and logic and self-regulation into your rhythm. Your Tarot card is the Emperor, "he who sets in order."

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Notice how you feel as you speak the following: "The strong, independent part of me resisted the embarrassing truth for a long time, but I finally came to accept that I'm someone who craves vast amounts of love. Ever since I surrendered to this need, it doesn't nag me all the time, as it used to. In fact, it feels comforting, like a source of sweetness that doesn't go away. I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to treasure the feeling of having a voracious yearning to be loved."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.