When I was a kid, I read Highlights magazine. My favorite feature was the section that asked Zen-like questions like "Can you laugh and cry at the same time?" or "If you were a talking parrot, what words would you want to learn?" For this week's horoscope, I've borrowed the spirit of that old source of inspiration. May the following passage incite your raw wonder and feral innocence. What's more beautiful, the smell of an orange or the sight of a green hill in spring? Under what circumstances might you eat dessert before the main course? Have you ever seen a statue wink? Is it possible to fall up instead of down? Describe how you'd catch a dragonfly without hurting it. Tell a story that's half-true and half-lies. Can you grow brain cells just by thinking you want to?

Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life in the coming week? Listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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"The secret of life," said sculptor Henry Moore to poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is—it must be something you cannot possibly do." What is that task for you?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Lately I have this recurring vision of you crawling up out of a deep hole. I've even had two dreams with that theme. Each time, you seem to defy gravity as you climb by clawing at the sides of the hole and pulling yourself higher and higher until you finally emerge into daylight. Why am I having these fantasies? Are they a metaphor for your life right now? I shudder to think that you've been in an abyss as profound as the one I've been seeing, though I'm ecstatic about the prospect that you're about to escape.

What blessings will life bring you in the coming week? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The Chinese poet Yuan Mei (1716-1798) was heavily influenced by Buddhism but was also skeptical toward it. He was eager to learn from the very tradition he criticized. The book of his selected poems is entitled I Don't Bow to Buddhas. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this is an excellent time for you to follow Yuan Mei's lead. Are you smart and subtle enough to practice his split-minded approach? I think you are. Try this: Intensify your love and respect for the ideas you're inspired by, even as you explore your doubts about them and subject them to rigorous testing.

Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks in the coming week? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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These are the rewards promised you at the beginning of time: not just any old beauty, wisdom, goodness, love, freedom, and justice, but rather exhilarating beauty that incites you to be true to yourself; crazy wisdom that immunizes you against the temptation to believe your ideals are ultimate truths; outrageous goodness that inspires you to experiment with irrepressible empathy; generous freedom that keeps you alert for opportunities to share your wealth; insurrectionary love that endlessly transforms you; and a lust for justice that’s leavened with a knack for comedy, keeping you honest as you work humbly to liberate everyone in the world from ignorance and suffering.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"What astrological transit did Galileo have when he first turned a telescope toward the heavens?" asks Richard Tarnas, author of Cosmos and Psyche. "What transit was coming to bear on Betty Friedan when she conceived of writing her seminal book The Feminine Mystique?" he continues. "What transit was Sigmund Freud experiencing when he had the breakdown-cum-breakthrough that propelled him into his life's work?" There's not enough space to answer those questions here, Cancerian. I invoke them because I want to suggest that you're currently basking in cosmic influences that could hatch a quantum leap with resemblances to those of Galileo, Freidan, and Freud.

Where do you want to go in the coming week? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"Dear Rob: I have to say that you unfailingly tune in to my manic and riotous subconscious screams every single week and help me transform them into something beautiful, fresh, and worthy of serious amusement. How do you do it? Can you teach me how to perform the same service for myself? -Leo Longing for Self-Mastery." Dear Future Self-Master: You may not realize it yet, but in the past few weeks you Leos have acquired scads of data that could provide excellent fodder in your quest for self-mastery. I suggest that you pore over your recent past and gather up the rich clues.

Want to explore the coming week even further? Dig deeper? Push harder? Consider tuning in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Rainer Maria Rilke: "For one human being to love another is the most difficult task of all. It’s the work for which all other work is mere preparation."
Teilhard de Chardin: "Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for a second time in the history of the world, human beings will have discovered fire."
Leo Tolstoy: "Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love."
Blaise Pascal: "If you do not love too much, you do not love enough."
Emily Dickinson: "Until you have loved, you cannot become yourself."

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

On the third anniversary of America's invasion of Iraq, many protests took place. But they were mild, not wild--more like Sunday picnics than the fierce mass demonstrations that raged in 2003. New York's rally drew a mere 1,000, Washington's 300. The march near where I live was a small affair led by two octogenarian women riding cream-colored scooters. They snacked on cookies and sang "This Little Light of Mine." I was shocked and awed by the lack of passion, especially since now it's even more appallingly obvious how stupid the war is than it was in the beginning. Don't you dare allow a similar apathy to creep in to your own fight for justice, Virgo. For the sake of your future, you've got to redouble your righteous, ingenious anger.

Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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You're a star—and so am I. I'm a genius—and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn't require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World—quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play. In the New World, you don't have to play down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

The coming week should include a lot of back and forth, give and take, and to and fro. It will be a favorable time to jump into spirited debates and seek clarification through good-natured arguing. Dynamics that might feel uncomfortably adversarial at any other time could be invigorating now. In fact, I encourage you to bring up touchy subjects that everyone has been avoiding, because it's likely you'll finally be able to deal with them in candid and constructive ways. Your power symbol for the week is a child's seesaw.

No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge in the coming week if you tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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While you and I are together here:
Your favorite phrase is flux gusto
The colors of your soul are sable, vermilion, ivory, and jade
Your magic talisman is a thousand-year-old Joshua tree whose flowers blossom just one night each year and can only be pollinated by the yucca moth
Your holiest pain comes from your yearning to change yourself in the exact way you’d like the world around you to change
Your soil of destiny is peat moss
Your mythic symbol is a treasure chest dislodged from its hiding place in the earth by a flood
Your lucky number is 13 to the 13th power
Your sweet spot is in between the true believers and the scoffing skeptics
A clutch of frog eggs from an unpolluted river is your auspicious hair-care product
The anonymous celebrity with whom you have most in common is the jesterwho followed Buddha around and kept him loose
The question that perks you up when your routine becomes too rote is this: What possesses the bar-tailed godwit to migrate annually from Alaska to New Zealand by hitching rides on gale-force winds?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"Dear Dr. Brezsny: Usually I gobble up your words. They're soul food that nourishes me for days. But last week's 'scope gave me indigestion. Was there a hidden meaning? Can I coax a deeper interpretation out of you? I promise I'll give you the secret handshake and tell you the secret password. (It's 'swordfish.') Would it help if I told you I once drank Red Bull from Maya Angelou's slipper and that I've gathered gossip about you that thus far I've chosen not to reveal? Help me out. -Scorpio Who Hates Secrets Unless I'm Keeping Them." Dear Scorpio: I think the problem is that you've been keeping so many secrets for so long that you've come to assume that every situation is crammed with secrets. The truth is, this is a highly unsecretive time for you. You should proceed as if there's no good reason to hide anything and as if everyone is willing to reveal themselves freely.

What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints about the week ahead, listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Imagine that you have been relieved of your responsibilities for a given time. They will be taken care of by people you trust. You won't have to work to make money during this grace period, but will be given all you need. Nor will you have to clean your house, wash your clothes, or buy and make your food. Now here's the big question: What will you do now that you are free to do anything you like?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

"The wisdom of this year is the folly of the next." So said the fortune cookie message I got last night when I was having dinner at a Chinese restaurant with two Sagittarian friends. As I read my oracle aloud, one of my companions said, "Ain't that the truth!" and the other barked, "You got that right!" I take this to mean that it's my duty to share my fortune cookie oracle with you. What wisdom from last year is now being revealed as folly? And what are you going to do about it?

Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It’s the understanding that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It’s a mode of training your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. Are you interested in becoming a wildly disciplined, fiercely tender, scrupulously curious, aggressively sensitive, lyrically logical, lustfully compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss? Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be.

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

In the Bible's Book of Exodus 34:14, God says His name is "Jealous." Literally. Why isn't this fact more widely discussed by people who care about religion? In his book 50 Things You're Not Supposed to Know, Russ Kick says it's because America's Pledge of Allegiance would have to be altered to say, "one nation, under Jealous," and would lead to a redesign of U.S. currency, in which the motto "In God we Trust" became "In Jealous we trust." Your assignment, Capricorn, is to withdraw your support for any deity that calls himself or herself "Jealous"--even as you also renounce any impulse in you that indulges in jealousy. It's time to drive home to yourself how insane it is to compare your life to anyone else's. You're perfect the way you are.

How much do you want to know about your destiny in the coming week? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the coming week.

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It's time for the Gratitude Fest. Write thank-you notes to the creatures, both human and otherwise, that have played seminal roles in inspiring you to become yourself. Who have been your guides along the way, both the purposeful teachers and the inadvertent helpers? Who has seen you for who you really are? Who has nudged you in the direction of your fuller destiny and awakened you to your signature truths? Who has loved you very, very well?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Years ago I had a girlfriend who was a performance artist. At Easter time every year, she did a show in which she walked barefoot on top of a spiral row of 22 colored, uncooked eggs without breaking more than a couple of them. Being 5' 3" and 102 pounds helped her accomplish this semi-miraculous feat, but it still required great skill and concentration. I believe you have a comparable task ahead of you, Aquarius. Better start practicing.

Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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George prayed every day for three years to win the lottery, but never heard from God or hit the jackpot.
Finally, God woke him up in the middle of the night. "George, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being boomed.
"Yes, Lord, desperately!"
God paused for a moment, then said thoughtfully, "George, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?"

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Here are your words of power for the coming week, Pisces: finagle, serendipitous, tinker, adlib, revise, crafty, balance, rectify. I urge you to carry out actions that embody the spirit of all those terms. Once you do, I believe you'll be in perfect alignment with the cosmic forces coming to bear on you, and will therefore have prevailed upon those cosmic forces to provide you with the metaphorical equivalent of a skeleton key, universal password, or Swiss army knife.

Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny in the coming week, check out your Expanded Audio Horoscope for the week ahead.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?

The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.