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Horoscopes for week of June 10, 2010

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
The "secret" is in plain sight. The "hidden resource" is freely available for anyone who intends to use it with integrity. The "lost key" is very close to where you left it when you last used it. The "missing link" is missing only in the sense that no one recognizes it for what it is. The "unasked question" is beaming toward you from three directions. The "wounded talent" will be healed the moment you stop thinking of it as wounded and start regarding it as merely unripe.


For more help in understanding your relationship with the game of life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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A bright red cardinal had a confrontation with my picture window. For almost 45 minutes, the bird hammered its beak against the glass. With the help of my good friend and research assistant Google, I determined that the bird had probably mistaken its own reflection for a rival that it was trying to attack.

The event suggests three teachings: 1. If you feel the urge to fight others, you're probably mad about something in yourself. 2. You might want to monitor any tendency you have to get fixated on an image that is at best a distorted representation of a real thing and not the real thing itself. 3. It's best not to hurt yourself or drive yourself crazy in an effort to chase away an illusion.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
It's time for some image medicine, Taurus. Wherever you are right now, I invite you to look down at your left palm and imagine that you see the following scene: an infinity sign whose shape is made not by a thin black line but by a series of small yellow rubber duckies. The duckies are flowing along slowly in continuous motion. They are all wearing gold crowns, each of which is studded with three tiny rubies. With resonant tones that belie their diminutive and comic appearance, the duckies are singing you your favorite song. It makes you feel safe, brave, and at home in the world. What else can see you see there? What happens next?


Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well supplied with blessings. What kind of blessings? Palatial homes, attractive lovers, lottery winnings, career success? Maybe. But just as likely: interesting surprises, unexpected challenges, gifts we hardly know what to do with, conundrums that force us to get smarter. Novelist William Vollman referred to the latter types of blessings when he said that "the most important and enjoyable thing in life is doing something that's a complicated, tricky problem for you that you don't know how to solve."
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The preceding oracle comes from my new book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
If you have long conversations with the image in the mirror this week, I won't call you a megalomaniacal narcissist. Nor will I make fun of you if you paint 15 self-portraits, or google yourself obsessively, or fill an entire notebook with answers to the question "Who am I, anyway?" In my astrological opinion, this is an excellent time for you to pursue nosy explorations into the mysteries of your core identity. You have cosmic permission to think about yourself with an intensity you might normally devote to a charismatic idol you're infatuated with.


What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
The website "Nietzsche Family Circus" features collaborations between the sappy family-oriented comic strip "Family Circus" and the austerely portentous wisdom of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Judging from your current astrological omens, I'd say this is a perfect time for you to expose yourself to this stuff. (It's here.) You need to toughen up some of your weepy, sentimental urges and brighten up some of your somber, melancholic tendencies.


Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heartóeven as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
Gather your rewards, Leo. Soak up the blessings. Collect the favors you're owed. It's harvest time for you: your big chance to reap the fruits you've been sowing and cultivating these past 11 months. And no, don't try to stretch out the process. Don't procrastinate about plucking the ripe pickings. This really is the climax. The time for your peak experience has arrived. If you postpone the harvest for another two weeks, your beauties may start to go to seed.


To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where itís impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. Thatís why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.

Astrologer Caroline Casey offers an apt metaphor to illustrate how crucial it is for us to hear and read good stories. She notes that if we donít have enough of the normal, healthy kind of iodine in our bodies, we absorb radioactive iodine, which has entered the food chain through nuclear test explosions conducted in the atmosphere. Similarly, unless we fill ourselves up with stories that invigorate us, weíre more susceptible to sopping up the poisonous, degenerative narratives.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
What are you waiting for, my dear Virgo? Your future power spot has been exerting a strong pull on you. It has been calling for you to come and seize the clout you deserve. But you have not yet fully taken up the offer. As your designated nag and cheerleader, it is my sacred duty to wave a red flag in front of your gorgeous face and command you to pay attention. In my opinion, you need to drop what you're doing, race over to the zone of engagement, and pounce. You're more than ready to stake a claim to the increased authority you'll have a mandate to wield in the coming months.


Need more whacks applied to your mental blocks? More caresses bestowed upon your growing edge? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
If you've read my horoscopes for a while, you know I'm the least superstitious astrologer on the planet. I champion the cause of reason and logic, praise the beauty of science, and discourage you from constantly scanning the horizon for fearful omens. And yet I'm also a zealous advocate of the power of the liberated imagination. I believe that the playful and disciplined use of fantasy can be a potent agent for benevolent change in your life. That's why, in accordance with the current astrological configurations, I suggest that you spend some quality time in the coming week having imaginary conversations with the person, living or dead, who inspires you the most.


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so youíre able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
"I want to be everywhere at once and do everything at the same time," writes one of my Scorpio readers, J.T. He's in luck, because according to my analysis, your tribe is about to enjoy a phase much like what he describes. "No more of this linear, one-day-at-a-time stuff," he continues. "I want a whole week packed into each 24-hour turn of the earth, with heavy doses of leisure time interwoven with thrilling bouts of hard, creative labor. I want to live in a secret garden with ten years of solitude and hang out at a street fair raging with conviviality. I want to sing with angels and romp with devils in between walking the dog, exercising at the gym, and chatting to perfectly ordinary people. I want enough money to fill a swimming pool, and I want to live like there's no such thing as money."


Would you like to hear me say some more about your ever-evolving destiny? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes:
     a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if youíre not greedy or grasping.
     b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that youíve already achieved them.
     c. Whatever youíre longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. Itís not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it.
     d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didnít foresee.

     Review your own life and identify experiences that exemplify these four principles.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
f you live on the Danish island of Mando, your only hope for driving your vehicle to the mainland and back is when the tide is low. During those periods, the water often recedes far enough to expose a rough gravel road that's laid down over a vast mudflat. Winter storms sometimes make even low-tide passages impossible, though. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Sagittarius, there's a comparable situation in your life. You can only get from where you are to where you want to go at certain selected times and under certain selected conditions. Make sure you're thoroughly familiar with those times and conditions.


Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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When youíre an aspiring master of pronoia, you see the cracks in the facades as opportunities; inspiration erupts as you careen over bumps in the road; you love the enticing magic that flows from situations that other people regard as rough or crooked. "That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire, "from which it follows that irregularity -- that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment -- is an essential part and characteristic of beauty."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
One of the leading intellectuals of the 20th century, British author Aldous Huxley, wrote more than 20 books, including Brave New World. In his later years he made a surprising confession: "It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'Try to be a little kinder.'" In accordance with your current astrological omens, Capricorn, I'd like you to take a cue from Huxley in the coming week. Proceed on the assumption that the smartest thing you can do -- both in terms of bringing you practical benefits and increasing your intelligence -- would be to deepen, expand, and intensify your compassion.


No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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It's time for the Gratitude Fest. Write thank-you notes to the creatures, both human and otherwise, that have played seminal roles in inspiring you to become yourself. Who have been your guides along the way, both the purposeful teachers and the inadvertent helpers? Who has seen you for who you really are? Who has nudged you in the direction of your fuller destiny and awakened you to your signature truths? Who has loved you very, very well?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
Early in Marcel Proust's novel In Search of Lost Time, the narrator stumbles upon a dizzying epiphany while having a snack. He dips a small cake into his cup of tea, and when he sips a spoonful, the taste of the sweet crumbs blended with the warm drink transport him into an altered state. Inexplicably, he's filled with an "all-powerful joy" and "exquisite pleasure" that dissolve his feelings of being "mediocre, contingent, and mortal." The associations and thoughts triggered by this influx of paradise take him many pages to explore. I mention this, Aquarius, because I expect that you're about to have your own version of this activation. A seemingly ordinary event will lead to a breakthrough that feeds you for a long time. Be alert for it!


Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.
Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.
Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.
Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.
Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.
Track down people who are impossible to love, and love them defiantly without expecting anything in return.
Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.
Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.
Once a year, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
Environmentalist Bill McKibben says that humans are transforming the planet so drastically that we shouldn't refer to it as "Earth" any more. To acknowledge the fact that we're well on our way to living on a very different world, he suggests we rename our home the "Eaarth." By this logic, maybe we should rename your sign Piisces. The changes you're in the process of making this year are potentially so dramatic that you will, in a sense, be inhabiting a new astrological sign by January 2011. In your case, however -- unlike that of our planet -- the majority of your alterations are likely to be invigorating and vitalizing. And you're now entering a phase when you'll have maximum opportunity to ensure that successful outcome.


I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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"Iíve been practicing radical authenticity lately," my friend Brandon told me. "Iím revealing the blunt truth about unmentionable subjects to everyone I know. Itís been pretty hellish -- no one likes having the social masks stripped away -- but itís been ultimately rewarding."

"I admire your boldness in naming the currents flowing beneath the surface," I replied, "but Iím curious as to why you imply theyíre all negative. To practice radical authenticity, shouldnít you also express the raw truth about whatís right, good, and beautiful? Shouldnít you unleash the praise and gratitude that normally go unspoken?"

Brandon sneered. He thought my version of radical authenticity was wimpy. I hope you donít. As a budding lover of life, you have a mandate to be honest in both ways.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.



 
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