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Free Will Astrology
horoscopes for week of June 5, 2008

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Since authoring the book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success, Penelope Trunk has written a blog that offers further advice. Recently she wrote about a subject I'd love for you to think about: mentors. You're in a phase when you have a heightened knack for identifying and attracting and learning from the guides you need. Here's one of Trunk's most crucial points: To take maximum advantage of your teachers, ask them what questions you should be asking them. Don't assume you always know what you need to find out. (You can read Trunk's post here.)


What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: You can have anything you want if you'll just ask for it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

"Woodsman Claims: 'Lady Bigfoot Kept Me as Her Love Slave!'" That was the headline of a report in the Weekly World News. In addition to providing fascinating details about the man's captivity, the article also had a helpful section on the jobs most likely to get someone kidnapped by a female sasquatch. They included lumberjack, surveyor, landscape artist, and ornithologist. In my astrological opinion, that list should be amended, at least for the next few weeks, to note that Taurus lumberjacks, surveyors, landscape artists, and ornithologists are especially susceptible. Why do I say that? Because according to my projections, many of you Tauruses will be swept up in or profoundly influenced by powerful feminine energy.


Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Every January 1, many people make New Year's resolutions, promising to embark on programs of self-improvement. But your assignment now, should you choose to accept it, is to create a list of ANTI-resolutions.

Here are some questions to guide you: 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What nagging irritations will you ignore and avoid with even greater ingenuity? 3. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 4. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

"The truth is always more interesting that your preconception of what it might be," says author Steven Levy. Journalists "should not have the stories written out in their heads before they report them. Preconceptions can blind you to the full, rich human reality that awaits you when you actually listen to your subjects and approach the material with an open mind." I think that's an excellent strategy to use even if you're not a journalist -- and especially for you right now, while you're in a phase when the healing shock of the new is available everywhere you go.


How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Speak the following lines out loud:
I love everything about me
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Whatever you do, Cancerian, DON'T open the door of that closet that hasn't been opened in years. DON'T poke your nose into the funny business that has been going on behind the scenes. DON'T peek inside Pandora's other box, or pick the fruit of temptation off the tree of knowledge, or rush in, like a trusting fool, where angels fear to tread. DON'T do any of these controversial, forbidden things, my dear Crab -- unless you want to risk embarking on some enigmatic, elemental, enlightening adventures.


Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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You’re a star—and so am I. I’m a genius—and so are you. Your success encourages my brilliance, and my charisma enhances your power. Your victory doesn’t require my defeat, and vice versa. Those are the rules in the New World—quite unlike the rules in the Old World, where zero-sum games are the norm, and only one of us can win each time we play.

In the New World, you don’t have to tone down or apologize for your prowess, because you love it when other people shine. You exult in your own excellence without regarding it as a sign of inherent superiority. As you ripen more and more of your latent aptitude, you inspire the rest of us to claim our own idiosyncratic magnificence.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

I happen to like The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull, a CD by sludge rockers Earth. But I'm not urging you to get a copy of it so much as I'm suggesting that you carry out a metaphorical equivalent of what the album's title describes. This is a perfect time for you to create something sweet in a situation that once scared the sleep out of you.


Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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For some seekers, spiritual enlightenment is the ultimate commodity. They believe that through diligent meditation and self-improvement, there will come a day when it will no longer elude their grasp. Breaking through to the singular state of cosmic consciousness, they will forever after own it, free and clear. Permanently illuminated! Never to backslide into the dull ignominy of normal human awareness!

Here's what I have to say about that: It's a delusion.

The fact is, the nature of perfection is always mutating. What constitutes enlightenment today will always be different tomorrow. Even if you're fortunate and wise enough to score a sliver of "enlightenment," it's not a static treasure that becomes your indestructible, everlasting possession. Rather, it remains a mercurial knack that must be continually re-earned.

If you want to befriend the Divine Wow, you must not only be willing to change ceaselessly—you have to love to change ceaselessly.

Lucky you: All of creation is conspiring to help you live like that.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

In the ancient text known as the Sutra of Forty-two Chapters, the Buddha is quoted as saying, "My doctrine is to think the thought that is unthinkable, to practice the deed that is unperformable, to speak the speech that is inexpressible, and to be trained in the discipline that is beyond discipline." Those happen to be your tough assignments in the coming week, Virgo. You will actually have a good chance at succeeding if you refuse to be excessively sober and serious in your approach. The more fun you have and the more playful your style is, the greater the likelihood is that you will pull off subtle yet spectacular feats that may seem impossible to more no-nonsense people.


Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others enjoy what you enjoy. But that's wrong. There are many things you'd like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we call the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them.

Using this improved formula is not just a virtuous way to live, but is also the best way to ensure the success of your selfish goals. The rituals and spells of various occult orders purport to be supercharged techniques for imposing your personal will on the chaotic flow of events, but I say that practicing the Platinum Rule outstrips all of them as an exercise to enhance your power and happiness.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

"Dear Dr. Brezsny: I love my weekly dose of astrological wit, but I've got to say that if I had all the fun and revelry you predict, I wouldn't be a morose meandering malcontent, as I am now. And if I had even half of the flirting and romance that your prophecies promise, I certainly wouldn't be home on Saturday nights playing World of Warcraft. I must conclude that you're living in a different dimension than I am. So how do I get over there to where you are? - Up-in-the-Air Libra." Dear Up-in-the-Air: Funny you should mention this. Due to a rare crack in the space-time continuum, there's currently a wormhole between my dimension and the dimension where up-in-the-air Libras live. Come on over! You'll know you're near the portal when you feel an urge to exuberantly leap up off your feet for no reason.


What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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HELP WANTED. Practical dreamers with high emotional intelligence needed to become experts in the following subjects: the art of possessing abundant resources without feeling greed or a sense of superiority; the science of cultivating luxurious comfort in a way that does not lead to spiritual sloth; and a knack for enjoying peace and serenity without diluting one's ambition.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Please join me in a boycott of horoscope columns and astrology books that insinuate all Scorpios are cruel, perverted, power-mad jealousy freaks. Let's refuse to read those propagandists until they cease and desist from brainwashing the masses into directing bigotry toward your tribe. It's true that there are some less-evolved Scorpios who speed up their cars to run over small animals and treat romance as a game in which there can be only one winner. But do we demonize all scientists simply because a few mad physicists created weapons of mass destruction? Of course not. I hereby proclaim June to be Scorpio Pride Month -- a time to celebrate your winning qualities, especially your unparalleled skill at helping to activate the dormant potentials of people you care about. Promise me you'll do that even more intensely than usual.


Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Most religions designate a special class of people -- priests, rabbis, ayatollahs -- to oversee official communications with the Source. This has led to a prevailing assumption, even among those who don't follow an established faith, that we can't initiate a divine conversation without the aid of a professional class of trained mediators. Among some sects of the ancient gnostics, in contrast, everyone was regarded as a potential prophet who could experience epiphanies worthy of becoming part of the ever-evolving doctrine.

As you create your own spiritual path, experiment with this approach. What might you do to eliminate the middleman and commune directly with the Source?

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

"Take time to stop and smell the flowers," says an old homily. Albert Hoffman, the Swiss scientist who discovered LSD and lived to age 102, had a different approach. "Take the time to stop and be the flowers," he said. That's my advice to you, Sagittarius. Don't just set aside a few stolen moments to sniff the snapdragons, taste the rain, chase the wind, watch the hummingbirds, and listen to a friend. Use your imagination to actually BE the snapdragons and rain and wind and hummingbirds and friend. It's time to not just behold the Other, but to become the Other.


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Meditate on how one of the symbols of plenitude in Nepal is a mongoose vomiting jewels.

Once a year on the day before your birthday, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

Start a club whose purpose is to produce an archive of controversial jokes and obscene limericks about beauty, truth, and love.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

What Martin Luther King Jr. said about epic struggles in the political arena is also apt for you in your private life, especially now: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." I recommend that you translate his advice into the intimate details of your relationships. If you really do that with the irresistible force of your burning conviction, you will prove another one of King's excellent thoughts: "Unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality."


Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Say this: "Novel intuitions are now erupting from my smart heart, awakening me from any trance I've been ensnared in. I am hereby breaking and escaping obstructions that have hindered my ability to express my soul's code. All of my unique capacities are being unleashed, all of my potentials activated. I recognize that I'm a miraculous work of art, a masterpiece unlike any other ever created in the history of the world."

Say this: "I am a genius. I am a lucky, plucky, good-sucking genius."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

Scientists used to believe that a butterfly has no recollection of its previous life as a caterpillar. The pupa breaks down into primal goo during its metamorphosis, they said, erasing all trace of its caterpillar brain. But new research suggests that there is in fact continuity. At least some of what the caterpillar learned remains available to the butterfly. As you carry out your own personal mutation in the coming months, Aquarius, I believe you will experience a similar process, thus ensuring that the New You has most of the wisdom that the Old You possessed.


Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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Since 1994, Mexico's Zapatistas have evolved from a small guerrilla army fighting for the rights of indigenous people to an international cultural force whose battles are mostly waged with symbols and words. The Zapatista leader, who goes by the pseudonym Subcomandante Marcos, always appears in public wearing a mask. Every 12 months or so, his old mask wears out and he has to replace it with a fresh one.

I think this would be a good standard for all of us to live up to: to molt our personas, or social masks, at least once a year. It's that time for
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

It's Blame All Your Problems on God Week. You have license to shun responsibility for the pain you feel and the messes you've made, and instead ascribe it all to the Divine Mischief Maker. The secret of achieving success in this enterprise is to act as if your dilemmas really do have nothing to do with anything you've done, but have been entirely caused by God's mistakes, his intentional cruelty, or his wicked sense of humor. By the way, Accept Total Responsibility for Your Problems Week is coming up next, and to observe that holiday correctly you will have to be thoroughly sincere about this week's. P.S. It's crucial that you really do blame everything on God, and not on actual human beings. P.P.S. If you're an atheist, it's Blame All Your Problems on Your Parents Week.


No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead.

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In some spiritual traditions, devotees attempt an arduous process of self-transformation as they retrain themselves to perceive the world from God's point of view. If they succeed, they're honored with an initiation ritual and given a new name to consecrate their altered state.

I have the same problem with this custom that I have with the idea of enlightenment: Once isn’t enough. Just as anyone in his or her right spiritual mind has a duty to keep claiming fresh varieties of enlightenment until the end of time, so should the initiations and renamings continue forever.

In my opinion, these considerations apply to you. You may not have sequestered yourself for years in a mountaintop monastery, and you may not have risen every morning at 5 a.m. to say prayers for hours, but you are an authentic devotee who has undergone equivalent ordeals. Your spiritual transformation has unfolded as you've dealt with the challenges of daily life during our epic moment in history, when unprecedented levels of annihilation and resurrection are the norm.

You have earned the right, therefore, to enjoy enlightenment after enlightenment and initiation after initiation and renaming after renaming.

I invite you to get started with a do-it-yourself initiation ceremony. It doesn't have to be long and complicated, and you can create it yourself. As an example of what you might do, here's a ritual that some Beauty and Truth Laboratory's initiates have performed: 1. Eat a pinch of dirt to declare your solidarity with Mother Earth. 2. Burn a five-dollar bill to purify your relationship with symbols of wealth. 3. Kick yourself in the ass to affirm your ongoing intention to discipline your shadow.

As one of your initiatory rewards, consider adopting a fresh alias during this and every initiation you carry out in the future. You can abandon your existing name if you want, or simply add your new tag to the current mix.

To celebrate the occasion, I invoke on your behalf the inspiration of all shedding things. Your tree of power will be the eucalyptus, whose bark peels away to reveal fresh layers beneath. Your lucky symbol will be the molting snake. Your sacred insect will be the silverfish, which bursts through its exoskeleton as it grows a new and bigger one. Your role model will be Japanese artist Hokusai (1760–1849), who had such a passionate commitment to reinventing himself that he celebrated 60 births, each time giving himself a new name.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

© 1995-2014 -- Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved