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Cancer Scorpio Pisces
 
 
Horoscopes for week of April 10, 2008

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
High-definition TV makes everything look more vivid than standard broadcast technology. Images are so high-quality they almost appear 3-D. While this is enjoyable to viewers, some performers are uncomfortable with the way it reveals their skin's imperfections. Did you know that Brad Pitt has acne scars? I predict a metaphorically similar development for you in the coming weeks, Aries. Every little thing you do will be more highly visible and have greater impact than before. Wherever you've been 2-D, you'll become 3-D. That could turn out really well for you if you take it as a challenge to fine-tune your commitment to excellence and integrity.


Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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Scientists have confirmed what we all knew: You do indeed have a little voice in your head that warns you when youíre about to do something dumb. Itís called the anterior cingulate cortex, according to white-coated authorities at Carnegie-Mellon University. If youíre receptive to it, itís as good as having a guardian angel. "Donít do it," the voice whispers when youíre on the verge of locking your keys in your car or leaving the bar with the cute drunk you just met. "Go back," it murmurs as you start to walk away from a huge, though initially inconvenient, opportunity.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
"When nothing is working very well," says astrologer Caroline Casey, "it might be a cosmic conspiracy to get you to experiment." Let's proceed as if that hypothesis were true, Taurus. Identify a place in your life where you're stuck, where everything you attempt meets with resistance, or where you don't have the motivation you'd like to feel. Then brainstorm about an experiment you could do that would break you out of the holding pattern. Proceed on the assumption that the universe will become friendlier and more helpful if you try an approach you've never used before.


Want to hear more about the hidden factors influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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Ralph Waldo Emerson: "He who is in love is wise and becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses."
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: "Love, love, love: That is the soul of genius."
Krishnamurti: "The problem, if you love it, is as beautiful as the sunset."
Henry David Thoreau: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Erica Jong: "Love is everything itís cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you donít risk everything, you risk even more."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Gemini (May 21-June 20)
What I hope you'll achieve in the coming days is a state of mind like that described by Dan Linton, one of my readers. This is his report. "Last night I went to Wal-Mart with a friend who was returning some tools. I walked around the store while he was at the service desk. In the shampoo aisle an unusual man who looked like an Aborigine made extended eye contact with me. As he walked past he announced in a happy tone, 'Your mind is empty.' I was super excited and found my friend to tell him. 'Isn't that an insult?' he asked. 'No,' I said. 'The guy meant that my mind is clear, which is true. This is the first time in two years I've felt that my mind is free of shrunken expectations, limiting concepts, and emotional distortions.'"


What blessings will life bring you? What challenges will you be invited to dive into? To explore the ripening trends further, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickensí novel David Copperfield. Buy a blank book and write that sentence at the top of page one.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Normally you're inclined to massage problems until they relax, not bash problems until they break. Your preference is to paint fuzzy, impressionistic pictures rather than creating crisp snapshots. Nevertheless, the astrological omens indicate that in the next two weeks, you should take an approach recommended by Winston Churchill: "If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time -- a tremendous whack."


Need a few more whacks applied to your mental blocks? A few more caresses administered to your growing edge? Cruise on over to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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Celebrate Unhappy Hour at least once a month. During this ritual blowout, you have license to complain and rant about everything that's driving you crazy. Get a sympathetic listener to be your receptacle or deliver your blast straight into the mirror. If you prefer, write it all down. One way or another, grouse nonstop about your secret shame, raw sorrow, unspeakable guilt, and unnerving twists of destiny. Feel free to unleash guttural moans or rueful cackles. If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins. Pronoia will then have a chance to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Leo (July 23-August 22)
I hesitate to be so blunt, but the fact of the matter is that right now God in on your side. This is true even if you're an atheist. Simply put, the Divine Wow is listening to you more closely than She is to everyone else; She is more prone to slipping you little gifts than all of Her other children; She is plotting to reveal more useful inside information to you than She has in a long time. Here's a tip to ensure you'll get the maximum benefit out of your goodies: Use at least some of your fantastic luck to help people in need.


Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? For more clues, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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Congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is beginning to purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of the riches you endlessly receive. You are becoming aware that each of your heartís beats originates as a gift of love directly from the Goddess herself. Any residues of hatred that had been tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You are becoming telepathically linked to the worldís entire host of secret teachers, pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised as convenience store clerks.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Virgo (August 23-September 22)
"On an average weekday," wrote Saul Bellow, "the *New York Times* contains more information than any contemporary of Shakespeare's would have acquired in a lifetime." But religious writer F. Forrester Church adds a caveat to that imposing thought. In his book *Lifecraft: The Art of Meaning in the Everyday,* he writes, "The *Times* is a fine paper. But for all its information, it only hints, and then only occasionally, at what Shakespeare knew so well: that the beauty of the bird, the symbol of the snake, the courage of the pilot, and the wonder of human love will always be touched with mystery." In accordance with your current omens, Virgo, I urge you to abstain from the *New York Times'* specialty and seek out Shakespeare-style soul food for thought. Love enigmas more than certainties.


Do you want further explorations of the intriguing twists and turns of your personal evolution? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
"The task of genius, and humanity is nothing if not genius, is to keep the miracle alive, to live always in the miracle, to make the miracle more and more miraculous, to swear allegiance to nothing, but live only miraculously, think only miraculously, die miraculously." - Henry Miller
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Libra (September 23-October 22)
"Where would the gardener be if there were no weeds?" asked ancient Chinese sage Chuang Tzu. To that I add: Where would lawyers be without crimes? How would psychotherapists fare without neurotics? What would critics do without the stuff they love to diss? Now let's apply this line of thinking to you, Libra. What thing that you dislike also happens to be something you need? What condition that you're opposed to is essential in constructing your identity? This is a good time to acknowledge the value of everything you oppose, disagree with, and fight against.


Need more help with your riddles? Crave more support in your efforts to build your courage? Check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
We will ignore the cult of doom and gloom and embrace the cause of zoom and boom. We will laugh at the stupidity of evil and hate, and summon the brilliance to praise and create. No matter how upside-down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: Life is crazily in love with usówildly and innocently in love with us. The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Marie Poland Fish was an oceanographer who invented a new form of underwater sound detection for the navy. To perfect the technology, she spent years studying the sounds made by 300 different species that live in the sea. Her innovations allowed attack vessels to tell the difference between enemy submarines and schools of fish, thereby avoiding assaults on the fish. She's your role model for the coming week, Scorpio. May she inspire you to develop foolproof methods for distinguishing between actual threats and the harmless influences that may superficially resemble them.


No one knows you better than you do. But maybe you'll be inspired to dig up even more self-knowledge if you tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Pronoia means that even if we canít see and donít know, primal benefactors are plotting to emancipate us. The winds and tides are on our side, forever and ever, amen. The fire and rain are scheming to steal our pain. The sun and moon know our real names, and the animals pray for us while weíre dreaming. Do you believe in guardian angels and divine helpers? Whether you do or not, theyíre always wangling to give you the gifts you donít even realize you want. Can you guess how many humble humans are busy making things for you to use and enjoy?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Here's the first thing you need to know about the current state of your destiny: "Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night." That message comes to you from poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Here's the second piece of wisdom you should take with you everywhere you go. It's from Vladimir Nabokov: "For aren't you and I gods? Let all of life be an unfettered howl. Release life's rapture. Everything is blooming. Everything is flying. Everything is screaming. Laughter. Running."


What greater adventure is there than exploring the enigmas of your unique destiny? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heartóeven as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Want to know a secret? I "predict" the present, not the future. In other words, I discern unconscious patterns and invisible influences that are affecting you *now.* I also try to inspire you to read your *own* mind so as to uncover feelings that you've been hiding from yourself. So I can't necessarily tell you what specific events will transpire in the coming days. But I do suspect the following things are true, although you may not be aware of them yet: You are in the midst of redefining what home means to you. You've been neglecting a deep need that's a bit embarrassing to you. And there's a place in your foundation that's in disrepair and requires your immediate attention.


Got enough clues to chew on for a while? If you need more, give yourself the luxury of your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. The vast majority of everything is working with breathtaking efficiency and consistency. You would clearly be deluded to imagine that life is primarily an ordeal.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
  Verticle Oracle card Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
Opening for travel in 1926, Route 666 ran from Arizona through three other states. It became a problem for fundamentalist Christians, who got obsessed with the idea that 666 is an evil number associated with the devil. As their toxic delusions increasingly poisoned America's collective imagination, there was a growing outcry to rename the road. Finally, highway authorities gave in to the pressure and officially banished 666, turning it into Route 191 in Arizona and Route 491 elsewhere. This is an idiotically superstitious example of an otherwise sound principle that actually has merit: Altering the name of a person or thing can change the way it's perceived, and possibly even transform its essential nature. I bring this up, Aquarius, because now is an excellent time for you to use this principle to your advantage. What or whom would benefit from a renaming?


How much do you want to know about your destiny? How far do you dare to go? For more insight into your intriguing fate, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE for the week ahead. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Try this meditation: Imagine that you are both the wood and the fire that consumes the wood. When you focus your awareness on the part of you that is the wood, you hurt; itís painful to feel your sense of solidity disintegrating. But as you shift your attention to the part of you that is the fire, you exult in the wild joy of liberation and power. It may be tempting to visualize yourself more as the fire than the wood. But if youíd like to understand pronoia in its fullness, youíve got to be both wood and fire simultaneously.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.


 
  Verticle Oracle card Pisces (February 19-March 18)
Please don't get sidetracked by the pursuit of minor dreams that would give you trivial satisfaction. And please talk yourself out of going after ephemeral rewards that would at best provide you with a false sense of accomplishment. Here's why this advice is even more important than usual: You have an intense but limited amount of driving ambition available to you at the moment, so you've got to make sure you use it on a project or projects that will still be meaningful to you a year from now.


Want more help in exploring the Great Mystery that is your life? I discuss your coming week in greater depth in your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE. You can also listen to my three-part long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in 2008.

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SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is composed of stories, not of atoms. The physicist Werner Heisenberg declared that the universe is made of music, not of matter. And we believe that if you habitually expose yourself to toxic stories and music, you could wind up living in the wrong universe, where itís impossible to become the gorgeous genius you were born to be. Thatís why we implore you to nourish yourself with delicious, nutritious tales and tunes that inspire you to exercise your willpower for your highest good.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.



 
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